Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Lost In Space

Where is it?

whereisitwhereisitwhereisit ...

I'm of the age where I lose everything but weight. Things that can't be lost ... I can lose. Things that I should never lose ... I often do. Join me as I take you through a list of things I manage to lose - am I alone in these.

10) Emails. Kali a reader of this blog wrote me her address so I could send her a bag of President's Choice Louisiana Hot Sauce chips. I bought the chips then went searching for her email, gone. I searched by name, by topic and finally I went to the day that it came it. It's just gone. Kali, if you don't mind, could you send me your address again cause I've got this damned bag of chips sitting here taunting me.

9) A quote in a book. Used to be I could pick up a book and find a quote because I remembered about where it was in the book, which side it was on and about where it was on the page. Now, forget it. I'll dig for it but never find it. I can't search the web for it because I never get the quote quiet right. The damn Internet isn't good on 'things people almost but never did say'.

8) Placement in time. I'm completely lost. I've lost all sense of the flow of time. I realized that I am now only two years old. Everything happened 'a couple years ago'. I can be talking about graduation from high school, when I first published a book, when I last saw you. 'A couple years ago,' is a wonderful phrase because it sounds lucid and masks a complete loss of life's continuity invisible.

7) What I was looking for a minutes ago. I'll be searching desperately for something then blink, blink, what what was I looking for. I can be just about to type something into a search engine, just about to rip apart a desk drawer. Gone. Lost. Nada. No more.

6) Sense of proportion. Why worry about something little when you can worry about something big. It's a waste of worry time to put things into proportion, true, but I don't even know proportion. Never been introduced to it or had it over for dinner. I've had it's twin sister Pro Portion - which is how much an athlete pie eater can put away ... but proportion, nah. You know making mountains out of molehills ... well, they invented the word catastrophization to describe ME.

5) Sense of propriety. The older I get, the more I think that farting is a right. Who made the rules about farting? I mean really, CAN YOU HOLD IT BACK? I can't. Maybe it's an elasticity issue, but for me, a fart is simply smelly wind. If that's the worst that life throws at you, you live a blessed life. I heard that sometimes people divorce over farting. What, get a sense of proportion!

4) Spelling of words like propriety. I used to be able to spell. But with spell check, why? I just type along and when I get to a tough word, I just give it my best shot and let the computer pick it up. It's got to have something to do. Really, it's kinder. Trouble is, half the time I forget to spell check. Oops.

3) Phone Numbers. I've been working at Vita for three years and don't know the phone number there. It's programmed into my phone. Even so I can still tell you Joe's phone number from when we were both in grade 12 and I was smitten. Can run that number off, but don't know my apartment phone number. Know the cell, but the apartment, who calls there?

2) Socks. Yeah, I had to.

1) Ummmm Ummmm


Gone Fishing said...

Ahh a small solution to Socks from my Brother in Law when someone commented on his mismatched ones

"I have another pair just like it somewhere

Anonymous said...

Dear Dave,
Sounds like you're in menopause,
(with a side of flatulence), it sucks...I think; can't quite remember, but I'm pretty sure. Lemme look another 20 minutes first, but wait,FLASH... I'm too hot, nope, freezing cold - but can't find my sweater, glasses, book,keys.......

Belinda said...

Ha ha! I laughed all the way through in recognition. Shhhhhh, don't let the cat out of the bag when we can still fool everybody! I could add to the list, but I still have a few inhibitions! :)

FridaWrites said...

It's not just me! My husband's getting really bad with the short term memory now sometimes too.

Unknown said...

I know this is a deeply unrelated comment, but I was inspired to say that your LONG and loving relationship with Joe is an inspiration to me. I have a number of health issues, and the idea that someone who I loved dearly, and had loved dearly for many many years, would care for me as lovingly as you and Joe care for each other - that gives me a great deal of hope.

Perhaps that is the silver lining to growing older? You are growing older with one another.

Tessa said...

You are not alone! This was so funny and I can certainly relate.

But lately, I have begun to embrace the forgetfulness. I wait in delighted anticipation to find out what I was going to say, and am quite happy to take whatever I can find in the drawer, and decide that IS what i was looking for after all.

It definitely makes watching repeats on TV more enjoyable.. as I don't remember what happens.

Life is good. Thank you for the laughter today!

Anonymous said...

My philosophy on this is simple, just look for something else important, nine times out of ten I find the socks I just had in my hand 20 minutes ago. I am 32 or 33 lost my age and lose lots of useless and some useful information on a regular basis. In my early 20's I would go to my mom's and lose my purse and my keys even if I was there for fifteen minutes. On the plus side I haven't lost heart, hope and faith in humanity. I hope I never forget the people who touch my life and remind me of hope, heart and faith in humanity.

miss kitten said...

socks...we have sock wars. when i married him, he had two large black trashbags full of socks. FULL of socks! so i picked out the religious ones and tossed them in the trash. (you know, the "holy" ones.)

and we argue about what socks he should wear. diabetes sores arent funny, and i fuss. i'm sure joe does the same for you, fusses because he loves you.

(and in all fairness, he fusses at me, too.)

now. where did my MIND go, i'm sure i've lost it...

Anonymous said...

Wow, I haven't been around in a while. If it's any consolation, I don't remember emailing you about the chips!

Well, I'm assuming I'm the Kali you're talking about, because it's not exactly a common name. And the chips sound like something my boyfriend would love. I would presume that would be the reason I sent the email I don't remember with the address you don't have.

(and I'm sitting here having a damn good laugh trying to explain the whole of this goofy situation!)

I'll email you (again?) in a sec.