Today I am not at all depressed. Yes, I'm still on the medications that cause depression, still taking the buggers four times a day - talk about feeding your depression. Even so, I'm not depressed. Haven't been since yesterday at about 11:30. We were driving down to NYC where I'll be presenting for a couple days and Joe was listening to his classical station on satellite radio. As a piece was playing a slowly forming idea was taking shape in my head. I do not have 'flashes' of inspiration, I have slowly growing, slowing forming, images in my mind that then lead to an 'ah ha, I have an idea' statement.
By the time we got to the Delaware Gap, one of the most beautiful areas in the States to drive through, the idea had taken shape. Next, I evaluated it, saw that, with help, it was possible. The cool thing about the idea is that it would sure to be a wonderful surprise, a gift of joy, to someone that I care about. Tee Hee and Giggle Giggle. I love giving gifts, and I really love giving something that means something and matters. I also love the bit of tension from the back of the mind worry, 'what if I got it all wrong.'
We got to the hotel room and I pulled out the notes I made on the road, made a bunch of calls, organized a bunch of stuff I'd need. Next up it was tea with a friend over at the Port Authority - the only accessible area around our hotel. It was there I sprung the idea and asked for big time help. She agreed, kindly, to help me. So maybe, just maybe, I can pull this off.
Through it all I kept imagining my friend getting the surprise and loving the surprise. I kept in check the idea that my friend might go,'What? Really?' That's the tension that gives the joy in getting it right.
And then I noticed, all this focus on the surprise, the gift, my friend ... wham, no more depression. I remember hearing about Mitzvah Therapy ... a Mitzvah is an act of human kindness, an act that has you focus, not on you, on someone else. Well gosh, golly, and gee-willikers, it worked.
Maybe I'll spend the next two weeks trying human kindness as an antidote to antibiotic depression. What's the worst that can happen, people like me better, I like me better, the world is a slightly better place. There's side effects I can understand.