Thursday, March 27, 2014

Did They Lie? Or Did I Misunderstand?

I'm not sure if someone lied.

Or maybe I just misunderstood.

But either way I came out of childhood with this incredible idea of adulthood and maturity. I thought that adulthood was a place where choices were abundant, where the keys to my autonomy would be perpetually in my pocket and always in reach, I thought that adulthood would be fun.


Adulthood is hard.

I discovered that pretty much the first day I had to get out of bed and go to a job to pay my own bills. My parents having got me through university suddenly became very parsimonious about getting me through any of the rest of my life. They expected me to make it on my own. Right. I'll show them! And I did, but it was hard, because even though I loved my work, it was still work. Even though I loved mornings, getting up and rushing out the door wasn't part of how I had seen 'mornings.'

So, I then pushed this image of freedom and choices into the future. Surely the time would come!! I imagined being in my sixties, living my life at a leisurely pace, having control over my destiny.


Really wrong.

Living and loving and working and all the rest - is hard.

I was up at some ungodly hour this morning, on the bus by 6:00 in the morning. I arrived at work, turned on the lights and sat down at a desk with a mound of papers that need to be dealt with, with a list of emails that had come in since I cleared them LAST NIGHT BEFORE I WENT TO BED. And of course there's the special project or two that I had happily volunteered to do ... I forget that deadlines far away become 'due tomorrow' really quickly.

I've decided to give up on the idea that life will ever be simply simple, peacefully peaceful and restfully restful. I think, primarily, because ....

even though it's hard

and even though it's overwhelming

and even though it's complicated and difficult.

It's also a little bit fun.


Susan said...

Yes, I will remember that 'fun' part as I drag myself to work again sick. (I did take a couple of days - and weekend - off in the beginning but what do you do when the stupid bug turns into a secondary infection and then lingers for weeks??) Thanks for reminding me that at the end of the day I'll be glad I went in... :)

Yeah, work (and life!)is hard. But it's a good hard... And the alternative isn't really very attractive... :)

Anonymous said...

True words. One should never forget that there is always a little bit fun.

Julia :-)

wedges murah said...

yes, it's true. i agree with you. :)

Colleen said...

Too true Dave! And I hear that it doesn't get any less hectic with retirement. There is much to love about having a challenging career though.


Deb said...

Well, there's that angry retort every mother has heard numerous times, from her children from toddlers to teens.

"When I'm big/grown up, NOBODY is going to tell ME what to do!"

Do you laugh or cry?

Anonymous said...

Thank you Dave!! I have a son who is finished high school and would prefer not to become an adult. He is having a difficult time deciding what he would like to do
for the rest of his life.
He has this belief he is going to love his job, make lots of money and retire at 30!!!.
He is now working full time, and is wondering why we are not paying the bills.
Your words came at a perfect time, and everyone knows mom does not know anything...but coming from you, we had a great discussion about joining the adult world.