Saturday, April 04, 2009

A New Meaning for OT

Prepare to introduce your jaw to the floor.

My week of encounters with elderly folks continues. (Warning: coarse language ... post will not be to everyone's taste.) We arrived in Vancouver at the hotel where I'll be working tomorrow. After finding a parking spot we got to the elevator and waited beside a woman of considerable age and, judging by her clothing, considerable wealth. She glanced a hello to us, we glanced back. Subtle social interactions really are in my skill set though many would disbelieve.

The elevator openned and there were two youths, maybe 15 or 16, slouching against the wall. The woman said to them, is this elevator going up or down. One of them said through a sneer, "Don't be so retarded, this is the bottom floor." She said, sweetly, "Oh, dear, I didn't know." It was a large elevator so we were all able to get on.

Just as the door closed she looked at the boy who had spoken and said, "If you wanted to be both accurate and offensive you should have said, 'old twat'. You see, I clearly don't have a developemental disability, so something about my gender would have made more sense. Maybe, 'Droopy tits' or 'Wrinkle puss' those would have worked too. You see when you speak you don't want to be considered foolish."

The boys stared at her, horrified, I was dumbstruck, Joe turned vermillion. She wasn't done, "I understand the need to express anger or disapproval, I just wish you kids would be a little more rigourous with your name calling." The door opened and she called after them, "Remember, 'Old Twat' works too."

The door closed and she looked at us and said, "I'm sorry about that but I hate that word that he used. I always like to get them back."

When she got off we saw her walk away with a spring in her step.

I have a new hero.

126 comments:

Kate said...

That's GREAT! wow :)

Tamara said...

Sending my thanks to the old twat with droopy tits. What a woman!

Anonymous said...

Oh, I want to grow up to be like that!

Jen said...

I want to grow up to be like her as well! Yayy for old ladies!

wendy said...

I am utterly speechless...as I'm sure those teenagers were! Two thumbs up for a gutsy old lady!

Dark Angel said...

Good for her! This post had me nearly falling off my chair laughing. It's a shame not more people are so feisty.

lina said...

I want to be that woman...thanks for making my day.

One Sick Mother said...

She's my new hero, too.

All 4 My Gals said...

How awesome! She rocks, and your story telling is the bomb! I was totally there with that beautiful lady.... clearly not an old twat. :-)

thelittlefluffycat said...

Wonderfulness.

Amy said...

Now THAT'S the kind of old lady I want to be. Guess I should start practicing...

Whatshername? said...

I bet those teenagers shat themselves after they heard her say that! LOL!

Monica English said...

That woman ROCKS! What a lady. That is exactly the sort of woman I want to be as I gracefully (or not so gracefully) enter my sunset years.

Marianne said...

I hope to one day be that woman.

jueb said...

OH WOW love it, excellent, good for her

Lush said...

Epic win! Standing up to teenagers is scary - you wouldn't catch me doing what the little old lady did! And I bet she had a spring in her step after that!

Shan said...

Jeepers. "When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple, and a red hat with FOUL LANGUAGE DRIPPING FROM MY LIPSTICK-FEATHERED LIPS. And I shall disconcert everyone who crosses my path."

Not that she wasn't awesome. Obviously.

Teresa said...

LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!!!

Anonymous said...

I love that this lady was so quick on her feet! I always think of comebacks much too late to actually use them. Keep up the inspiring blogs Dave! They help alot of us!

dragonsinger57 said...

That's what you call PRESENCE!

Fantastic post

Anonymous said...

Laughing out loud, rolling on the floor, trying not to pee my pants! What a great day, and a great lady.
Thanks for sharing

Anonymous said...

LOVE that old twat!!!

Anjie (Adam's mom)

Jenn McWhorter said...

I think I'm in love with "Wrinkle Puss" :D

weeble said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
weeble said...

Love it. What an incredible woman. Thanks for posting this and thanks to BrokenClay for linking me here!

amy flege said...

that just made my day!!!!! I hope I can come up with something that clever someday ha!

Anonymous said...

Guess she doesn't need one of the R- word cards! She's is a force in her own right!
I love her....hope I can be that assertive if needs be!
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Colleen said...

Dear Dave:

Thanks for a great laugh! I also have a new hero!

Colleen

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OLD TWATS UNITE!

Kym said...

Love it! Especially since I have a son with a Developemental Disability I wish I had a way to thank her for her spunk and example! :)

K7DFA7 said...

What a COOOOOL old "wrinkle puss"!!! =))
This really made my day!

David N. Andrews M. Ed. (Distinction) said...

tell you something...

that old woman had more bloody balls than those two lads will ever have between them in their whole lives!

go, that woman!

Anonymous said...

You should have busted out with something like "Haha, you just got ruled by an old lady! How does that feel?" or even better, "THAT JUST HAPPENED!!" Just to add insult to injury.

She is the coolest!!

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Anonymous said...

Comment quotes -

"I wish I had a way to thank her for her spunk"

"that old woman had more bloody balls than those two lads"

Giggedy!

Arin Wolfe said...

A friend from LJ linked me to this. Brilliant, simply brilliant.

Anonymous said...

How EXCELLENT!!! :o)

Garland Grey said...

This is absolute and utter WIN.

Parker said...

"Maybe, 'Droopy tits' or 'Wrinkle puss' those would have worked too. You see when you speak you don't want to be considered foolish."

It's like Mr. Rogers explaining the etiquette behind the reacharound. She's the "Tiffany's Table Manners" of insults.

Serious Upvotes for the Old Twat.

Zero Iscariot said...

yeah, whatever, nice fan fic.

rfw said...

If this was the bottom floor… why were they still on the elevator?

Bill Hartwell said...

That lady is absolutely incredible. I want to be like her when I grow up.

inkrat said...

This old twat deserves an entire internets round of golf claps. If that was me in the elevator along with her instead of the guy telling the story, I would have bowed on the spot.

Bob said...

Brilliant, thanks for sharing that! This crass and self-centered populous needs a response in kind sometimes. It's sad that it comes to this, but good for her! Instead of whining about PC, or how everything is unfair to her (like so many do), she used wit and courage to show them just how wrong they were. Fair but forceful remarks changed me as a kid, and I hope we all learn from her example.

Laura said...

I like to think that she might be a retired -- but not retiring -- copy editor. And she waited for the elevator doors to close before she gave them what-for -- cool!

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Anonymous said...

OMG, Junior, you just got PWNED by Granny Weatherwax! --Lila

Mark said...

That could have been my Mom. She taught special ed. for many years and hated that slur.

Laurie Mann said...

I wish I could invent come-backs that quickly. I usually think of them later!

Colin said...

With the exception of the clothes looking relatively wealthy I would have swore that this encounter with with either my mother or my aunt.

cavyherd said...

When she got off the elevator, I would have bolted out after her, asked for her name and phone number, and if she wanted any friends/fans/minions.

I'll bet she's a huge amount of fun in casual conversation.

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I think I might have a new hero too.

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