Monday, March 23, 2015

I said I was sorry!

 Image result for snap!

I just snapped. Literally and figuratively, snapped.

I don't know why, I got up in the morning after a good nights sleep. Joe and I had breakfasted while watching 'Longmire' on Netflix. We decided to get out early to get the shopping done so we can avoid the crowds. Joe, knowing full well the experience of shopping with me, "We can avoid all those people who resent the space you need for your chair." I said, not knowing I was predicting the future, "You can't avoid those people, some of them will have gotten up early too."

Putting the onions in my shopping bag, I headed to the end of the aisle needing to make a sharp right to go down to pick up some tomatoes. At the end of the aisle, there had been some kind of accident, someone had dropped something and part of the floor was covered in, what looked to be Thousand Island dressing. I remember remarking that there were a lot of islands, but 'thousand' was a stretch. I was near the end of the passageway, made narrow by those 'slippery when wet' signs and the cones with the picture of someone falling. A woman with a big cart turned and faced me, she clearly wanted to go through the same passageway that I had just traversed. I could not back up because there was someone right behind me.

I asked, nicely, "Could you just let me pass?" She backed up resentfully, so I threw in a 'sorry'. In response she looked at me with a deep level of anger and impatience. Inside, I heard a little snap. So I turned to her and said, with anger, "I said 'Sorry' what else do you want, you could see that I couldn't back up. What the hell is wrong with using just a little bit of freaking patience." (By the by, I didn't swear, I actually used the word 'freaking') And I rolled on. I was shaking. I don't do that. I don't snap, with anger, at strangers. I just don't. I've had confrontations but not like this, not over something like this.

When I got to the tomatoes I was settling down, Joe came back from getting the pop and water, which need to ride at the bottom of our bundle buggy. I begin to tell him about what happened when the woman came back. She said, "I want you to know that I'm always patient with people like you. And kids. And old people." I said, "You looked very angry and upset when I need to get through where the spill was. Backing up isn't patience, holding your temper is." She left.

Joe and I were near done and she's back again, "I feel sorry for people in wheelchairs and I'm always nice to them, I'm a good person." I said, "Well then, act like one." She stormed away. Joe looked at me questioningly. I said, "All she needed to say was sorry, not all this shit about loving cripples and kids, and I don't need her feeling sorry for me, I need to her be sorry for acting like a jerk."

That was the first one.

Yep, there's more.

Later we went to see the movie 'Chappie' and afterwards we hit the loo. On the way out, I stopped where there was room for me to put my coat on. I was out of everyone's way.  A woman at a table several feet away caught sight of me, turned around and settled in to watch me put my coat on. This happens all the time. Typically, I just move out of sight or have Joe block the view. Another snap. It was so loud I can't believe no one else heard it.  So, I said, loudly, "I'm going to move out of view of those so ignorant that they would stare at someone putting on a coat like they were at a freak show." Again, she looked shocked, then angered, and spun around in her seat. I put my coat on.

I don't do this.

I just don't.

I've never acted this way in public before.

On Sunday, we were out a lot and my old patience for this kind of thing was back. Never confronted or barked at anyone. Not once. I still don't know what happened on Saturday, it just seemed to be a day that I just couldn't take the shit that comes your way when you use a wheelchair or when you are different from others.

Anyone else had a day that they just let go of the reins??


Unknown said...

I bark back. In fact, I often bark first. I just won't have impolite, discourteous nonsensical, idiot behavior spouted at me or anyone else. We are two old, gray haired, fat, queer woman. i feel sorry for anyone who tries to push us around. We would make one helluva team, Dave.

Louise said...

Did it make you feel better?!

Dave Hingsburger said...

Louise, it did! It did make me feel a bit better. It was kind of liberating. I hesitate to say this but this blog is not worth much if I'm not honest. I was FREEING!!

Anonymous said...

OMG! YES! On Saturday, I popped into a thrift store to do some retail therapy. I am a.pretty easy going person so when Ms. Thang got all up in my personal space while waiting at the checkout, I quietly- moved to left. She then begins unloading her items from her cart, removing shirts from hangers and hitting my right arm with each shirt. I again move to the left (out of her range), again she moves closer. At this point, the clerk is ringing in my items and she is piling her items very closely to mine, so much so, that her items are now piled in front of me. I was preparing to pay for my items, when she gave a final shove of her items, pushing my parcel off the counter. So, I turned to her and.calmly said..."Back off", as I pushed her items back towards her. She muttered a sarcastic 'Sorry'. People are such impatient a$$holes sometimes...
I too, felt better! Way to go, Dave! I am learning that ignoring certain behavior is not good for my sanity anymore. :)

Kasie aka Kathy said...

Sometimes anyone of us can just get fed up. You didn't say anything about their Momma's! That's a plus!

Ettina said...

I think it was unfair to get mad at the person who was staring at you, since you have no idea why she was staring. I sometimes stare at disabled people because I feel lonely with my invisible disability and find it comforting to know I'm not the only disabled person in the room. If you had said that to me, I'd have been devastated.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you said what you said. Ettina, I think there is a difference between an interested stare and an unkind stare. When you look at someone with an interested stare, they smile at you.
Was it full moon on Saturday?

Kristine said...

Not often, as I'm naturally shy and a bit of a people-pleaser, but occasionally, yes, I have those moments where I just say exactly what I want to say! And it does feel good. Wish I had the guts, and the presence of mind, more often.

I can't believe that lady kept coming back to let you know what a good person she is! And that she proves her "good personhood" by continuing to put down other people!

I'm sorry, Ettina, I do understand that you're looking for connection. And I think any of us are lying if we claim we've never even unintentionally got caught up in staring at someone. But I don't appreciate anyone staring at me--disabled, nondisabled, adults, children. It makes me really uncomfortable, and it's rude.

Flemisa said...

Sometimes screaming inside just DOESN'T do it.

wheeliecrone said...

Every once in awhile, I snap. And I snarl.
I know that I shouldn't. I was brought up with - "a lady never raises her voice, no matter what the provocation may be". And that's mostly how I behave. Mostly.

Every now and again, I just lose it. Usually when someone has trapped me and then expects me to move, even though any fool could see that they are the only ones who have any space to move. A situation similar to the one you were in. I guess what I'm saying is, I cannot criticise your behaviour, even though it wasn't terribly graceful, because my behaviour in the same circumstances might well have been worse!

Andrea S. said...

I don't understand why anyone ever says, "I feel sorry for ____ people" as if that were a GOOD thing. Um, no. No one wants to be pitied:

14 Simple Steps for Demonstrating Your Pity Toward Others

Wish people would understand that.

Anonymous said...

Love that line "Backing up isn't patience, holding your temper is."

What a difference in views. She talks a talk and you roll the walk.

clairesmum said...

sometimes you just have to talk to people in language that they understand. you did use expletives. and it was liberating for you..that sounds like authentic speech to me!

Moose said...

I have a bad temper. People push my buttons all the time. You want your face bit off? Try saying something ignorant to me.

One of my 'favorites' (those are derision quotes for sarcasm) was the time a woman and a little boy were near me and the little boy - no older than 5 - said out loud, "Mommy, that lady is FAT!" I said to him, "Yes, people come in different shapes and sizes. Isn't that neat?"

But the woman couldn't let it be and started yelling at the kid, "WE DON'T SAY RUDE THINGS LIKE THAT!" and then she turns to me, like that's ok, and says, "I'm so sorry. I understand completely. My sister has a 'weight problem.'"

I said, very loudly, "I don't have a 'weight problem.' YOU have a problem with MY weight. Mind your own business and stop telling your kid that people who look differently than him are bad."

She spouted some sort of "Well, I NEVER!" and dragged the poor kid off.

And in conclusion, I still hate people.

Laura said...

Yep all the time and then people tell me not to be so rude! The irony of that is usually totally lost on them :D

lauredhel said...

OH MY YES. Once I had pulled waaaay over to the side and stopped my mobility scooter, so that I could write "Return to Sender" on an envelope and post it.

A man came up from behind me and grabbed my arm. GRABBED me. This bloke bent over right into my face, and said at me "I've seen people texting while walking, and I've seen people talking on their phone while walking, but I've NEVER seen someone writing while riding one of those things." (They all say "THOSE THINGS", have you noticed?)

Taken aback, I said, deadpan and in a fuck-off tone, "I was stationary."

Him, actually literally WAGGING his finger in my FACE: "But that's still naughty, isn't it?"

Me: "No, no it's not." *glare*

Finally he started to back off and turned to walk away, and I said, "And please DON'T touch me."

Him, turning, "Pardon?"

Me, very loud now, so that everyone around could hear, "DON'T TOUCH ME. I DON'T KNOW YOU."

He may have said sorry, I don't know. By then I had put in my earbuds and started to get the hell away from him.