Thursday, March 29, 2012

Being Inappropriate

My wheelchair is feeling better.

Really.

Much better.

On my way home on Friday, from work, I was in the lobby of the apartment building waiting for an elevator. I was struck by a fit of coughing. Two youngish people were behind me, one said to the other, 'That wheelchair has a horrible cough.'

I wasn't feeling good, and that means my defences were down, and that means that things can easily piss me off. I sat there trying to think of something to say - educational and funny. Nothing came.

Except the elevator.

We all got on.

Just as the door closed, I looked up at one of those fresh young faces and said, 'You'd better stand back, because not only does my wheelchair have a bad cough, it's got the shits too.'

I smiled.

They looked horrified.

Sometimes I want to educate.

Sometimes I don't.

20 comments:

Anonymous said...

Love your sense of humor Dave, even when sick. Not easy to do. Admire your dedication to your education of others - would be a lot easier to climb into bed and pull the covers over your head. Keep on rolling!

Sad that you would even have say something about comments - but just another commentary on the lack of respect so common today. I hope it helps - or at least makes others aware that it will not be tolerated.

John R. said...

Love it.....does your wheelchair use 2 ply toilet tissue or one?! Education can sometimes take various forms....hopefully, they got it....if not, whew, you made me laugh so much I woke my family this morning!!

Glee said...

So funny love it Dave. oh and does your wheelchair scrunch or fold the toilet paper.

ah I needed that laugh today! :)

Tamara said...

Great response! Hope they learned something ...

Colleen said...

Too funny Dave!

Susan said...

Highly appropriate! (on your part, not theirs)

Anonymous said...

LOL Dave! That was a great laugh for me first thing in the morning. And don't think you didn't educate them - They will probably remember that a lot longer than if you had of been more sedate! Maybe they will think twice the next time!

Jalal said...

that was great

Andrea S. said...

There are times when I wish I were, not just a "fly on the wall" but a TELEPATHIC fly on the wall. You know. Not only able to witness events like this one but also able to peer into the heads of the people you were talking to so I can see what they were thinking at that moment!

Andrea S.

liz said...

That was the perfect response. You did educate.

Princeton Posse said...

LOL That was great. Never miss an opportunity to "educate".

Beth said...

Awesome response. Maybe you underestimate "interesting" replies.

Wheelchair with the shits, hm? I'm not so much concerned with the toilet paper, but rather the implications of wheelchairs having a digestive system: what do wheelchairs eat?! I had always thought our relationships to them were symbiotic (though perhaps with slight reluctance at first). Was I wrong? Are they parasites? Heaven forfend! The only thing I know for sure is that they regularly graze clothing on racks at stores along with various bags that are hung on the backs of chairs. Might graze various shrubs and small trees. Perhaps it grazed some bad fruit?
In any case, I, for one, hope that wheelchairs don't have the taste for meat. Disturbing idea, if you think about it. Funny, but disturbing. Carnivorous wheelchairs. No wonder many people are uncomfortable when they're around -- wheelchair could be hungry. Mwa-ha-ha!

Anonymous said...

Very appropriate and educational, in my opinion....a perfect response, thanks for the chuckle.

Anonymous said...

I am glad you are feeling a bit better!

Julia

CapriUni said...

Beth --

I suspect that my wheelchair, at least, gets plenty to eat in the form of my dropped crumbs and bits. This thing has more crevices than I can even count.

;-)

Rachel Douglas said...

LMAO!!!! Love this.

Lene said...

I love it when you out-smartass the smartasses. ;)

lillytigre said...

bhahahahaha awesome response

Real Landry said...

Hi Dave I Love your sense of humor and I loved it when I listened to you in Thunder Bay. I like the way you dealt with that. I enjoy reading your inspirational thoughts. Take Care.

Rachel in Idaho said...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Go Dave!

I bet they don't forget that one!