I should never try anything new. I hit a button on Blogger and now am having a lot of difficulty signing in. I've had to set up my laptop and go in that way. This new 'Google Chrome' which I just now installed on my home computer which was supposed to support the changes at Blogger now refuses to link to allow me to sign in or blog. YIKES.
I'm at the age where I find myself left behind all the time. I look at these devises that kids have wherein they can interact instantly and constantly, sending videos, sending text messages, and I just freeze. So, here I am, stuck. I have no where to turn and no one to ask. I don't want to have to switch to my laptop every time I want to write something here.
Oddly I made a joke of this a few weeks ago with someone with an intellectual disability. I said, 'I feel left behind,' and he said, 'Join the club.' We laughed, but I get it now, really get it.
I feel dumb.
I feel inadequate.
I act resentful towards those who use technology that I don't understand.
I find myself filled with a kind of rage at both myself for being so dim and at the computer for being so hard. I want to hit something.
The other day when explaining to someone that Joe is very nervous about using the computer to play a DVD in one of my classes, a young woman said, 'Oh, that's silly it's really easy.' I said to her, quickly because I was rushing, 'Don't say that, it's patronizing to tell someone who's genuinely fearful that their fear is silly.' I think she thought I was rude but I was serious.
I wonder how many times I've waved away someone's anxiety about trying something new because it's something easy for ME (and it's all about me). I wonder how many times I've been impatient with someone's frustration at trying to ... name it ... tie shoes, cook a meal, dial a phone number.
I say it LOUD.
Cause right now I'm feeling dumb and anxious and I can't see a way out. I'm feeling angry and frustrated because I feel trapped by my own ineptitude. Somehow, now breaking something or hitting someone, makes sense.
I won't do it because I've been taught not to.
But I want to.
Now I've got to go back and try tuning it off and turning it on again, that will work I'm sure.