Saturday, December 12, 2009


I knew what was in his mind the moment we locked eyes. He was looking at my wheelchair with almost a fiendish glee. I didn't take my eyes from his, he didn't take his eyes from mine, a battle of wills was beginning. I was waiting just outside the building for Joe to join me. He had come out with the woman he lives with, she had forgotten something so he had been told to stay and wait while she went inside. He dutifully did as he was told. I think primarily because he had noticed my chair and an evil, ugly, diabolical idea had formed in his wee cranium.

My eyes had said, 'Don't you dare.'

His eyes said, 'I've never wanted anything so badly.'

My eyes said, 'Do and you're dead.'

His eyes said, 'Like you could catch me.'

He moved closer, I pulled back. My movement startled him so he moved a little further back. You could hear the foot falls of his booted feet as he scuffled into a better position. He thought he'd come at me from behind. My chair turns a perfect circle so that didn't work.

He wore a plaid jacket and the aforementioned boots were of a green that matched one of the colours in the plaid. He looked silly rather than dapper and he knew it. He was one of those males who is dressed by their women. He eyed me up, I was his adversary, keeping him from his mission.

So we danced, him approaching, me retreating, he feigns left, I feign right. He catches my eye regularly, he's not used to having his will thwarted by mere humans. Then he tried the, 'I'm so cute card' ... I let him know that he'd never be THAT cute.

A screech of tires on the street catches my attention. I look up and away, forgetting for a moment that I was in mortal combat for the safety of my chair. When I looked back there he was, his leg lifted, ready to mark the big wheel of my chair. Before I could yell out his mistress came out of the building and said, 'Stop that right now.'

His leg dropped so fast I barely saw it move.

He trotted off silly boots, all four of them, and all. I knew what he was thinking.

Joe arrived and I rolled along on tires unmolested by the urine of an urban predator.


Heidi said...

you got me with this one - whilst something "wasn't right" from the beginning, you still got me - thanks for the first laugh of the morning!

Gary Miller said...

*still laughing* Well, you got me with that one...hook, line and sinker!!

Nice one...

ivanova said...

Really really funny!

Liz said...

LOL! :o)

Suelle said...

HAH! I was still picturing a guy trying to piss on your chair until the last moment! Good one!

FridaWrites said...

I was getting worried for a minute!

Someone should show him how silly he looks, as in this video of a CCI assistance dog having to try out new boots:

Once a border collie escaped from his fence, looked surprised, but lunged at my son--I told him, "bad dog, house" on instinct, and he instantly went back under the fence, to my surprise! They have a herding instinct and protect their families--I don't think he was intending to be bad but didn't know how to handle his escape.

Bibliotekaren said...

Here's another one who took the bait! Great read -- you have such adventures when you're out and about.

Amanda said...

I know the exact look, having had to clean dog piss off my tires more than once. Have you ever run into dogs that chase your chair like a car?

ohiobrittany said...

As a dog owner, I would never ever allow my dog to even think about peeing on someone's chair. It's personal property!

Shan said...

Ha ha! Well done!