Monday, August 17, 2009

A Blog While In Transit

So here's how I do it. Please pay attention, there will be a quiz. Shannon, quiet down. Tessa stop fiddling. Mike stop making eyes at the girls. Ready, class. Now, again, HERE'S HOW I DO IT.

I was in ValueMart doing some grocery shopping two walkies had stopped to talk to each other. They were enjoying themselves. I quietly and simply backed up and went round the other way. No big deal. What I'm doing isn't the most important thing in the world. No huge act of sacrifice, I was shopping for FRACKS sake.

OK, I see you are still confused. Manuela, get off the blackberry and eyes forward. Wendy, Wendy, WENDY!! Belinda, you can write your blog later, eyes up, eyes up. Again, another example.

The aisle is narrow and even though she is small, she is taking up all available space. She is looking at something, trying to decide. I simply wait, where I am, for her to finish. I don't want to break her concentration.

One more tiny example. You at the back, don't make me come down there. Alright. One final example.

I'm rolling down the street in my power chair, someone is coming my way. I keep rolling down my side, they continue to walk down their side.


It seems simple doesn't it.

Well apparently it isn't. Because many of you freaking, fracking walking talking two footed creatures keep acting like it's a huge freaking, fracking imposition having to wait a moment until I clear a space or, heaven forfend, step around me. More than that all you tiny, weeny, little people who keep throwing yourselves off sidewalks and against walls as I'm passing in my wheelchair. I don't know if you simply don't even want to be in my aura or if you really can't judge space. But peel yourself off the freaking wall and just walk by for heavens sake.

And, and, and, if you need to assert your importance while grocery shopping, if you have a desperate need for everyone around to understand that you are the most incredibly important and busy person in the whole freaking fracking world, then, my friend, you are a loser.

Ready for the quiz ... ah to hell with it, you get it or you don't.


Belinda said...

Hey, I'm in your post! :) I'm not writing one myself--I'm up in the wee hours of the morning with a headache, but I'm making way for you! :)I hope I get it fully.

Hoping that you arrived safely on the other side of the pond. We are all looking forward to hearing.

Brenda said...

Ohhh, Dave. I SO totally GET IT!! Honestly, the movements that some folks expect us to make in our scooters/wheelchairs, you'd think we all had wings and built-in gyroscopes and were just too stupid or selfish to use them. Shame on us!!

Manuela said...

I'll have you know I did not check my blackberry once in the past 7 hours - okay so I was asleep - and whats wrong with being important and busy! LOL Looking forward to hearing whats new from your travels. Miss you already.

jwg said...

On the other hand, why do people apologize when I say "excuse me" to get past on my scooter? They haven't done anything wrong, they are usually just unaware that I am behind them.

Glee said...

"freaking, fracking walking talking two footed creatures" And "But peel yourself off the freaking wall and just walk by for heavens sake."

What could I add to that? Nothing!!! LOLOL

Kristin said...

I love it. Well said.

Kristine said...

Oh, now you've got me started! SUCH a pet peeve! People always act like they're narrowly escaping being run over by the crazy girl in a wheelchair, as if I had no control over this thing. Um, I've been driving wheelchairs my entire life, I think I know how it works. I get run into by careless people who aren't watching where they're walking much more often than I do the running into.

I especially enjoy when I'm in big crowd of people, and we're all walking at exactly the same pace. Flow of traffic, ya know? Suddenly, the person in front of me notices my chair, and they have to make a big show of jumping out of the way, letting me go ahead of them. So now we're still walking at the same pace as everyone else, but they're walking behind me. What did that accomplish?

And they really can't judge distance. Those who error on the other end of the spectrum are the people who stand in front of a door they're kindly holding open for me, but the space they leave between their toes and the doorframe isn't nearly the width of my wheelchair. When I try to point that out, they scoot back a couple of millimeters. Still not enough room. Don't they understand that while I can suck in my breath and hunch my shoulders and make my body's frame as compact as possible, my chair can't do that? Do they want to get run over? I don't understand!

Sorry. You started it. :)

Arno said...

What Dave and Kristine said!

It's amazing. Some people literally lose their minds at the sight of a wheelchair. Sheesh.

Dave, I enjoy your rants as much as I do your insightful and loving thoughts. You, sir, are a treasure.

Tessa said...

I wasn't fiddling! honest Ok, I was fiddling.. but now I am paying attention.

I didn't know other people found it nuts that people fling themselves out of the way to such outrageous degrees. I thought I needed to be grateful and admire their willingness to accommodate!

You are a hoot Dave, and now I think I will go outside and watch the crazies!

Thanks for the smile.

Rachael said...

Thanks for giving me a chuckle this morning. In defence of walkies (I'm one, with experience of wheelchairs because my daughter uses one), may I just say that it IS really difficult to judge space, particularly since I'm not on the same plane or angle as the chair user. Actually, I'm a little glad to hear this is not just my individual failing! At 11, my daughter is a great driver, but I'm not always such a good companion.

Ames said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shan said...

Sorry, I'm loudmouth from way back. AND, I move out of the way for people in wheelchairs. Egads!

(Left a comment under the wrong name earlier, my bad.)

Baba Yaga said...

Guilty as charged: I'm pretty wee, and do throw myself against walls. (I don't know how much space I take, and I'm not sure I'm entitled to it anyway.) But I don't just do it to you. I do it to people with buggies, people with dogs, fat (ambulant) people, cyclists, wheelie bins...

wendy said...

Hey there, Dave...sorry I wasn't paying attention there! I was at ASL immersion all last week and hadn't noticed you waving and calling me! I'm back now and getting all caught up, I promise! ;-)