Monday, June 08, 2009

My Mouth

Very Coarse Language in Post:

So, we'd had quite the day, making package and parcel jokes. Stamp out intolerance. After the movie Joe said, 'That's a wrap.' We saw a sign in a store that said, 'Leave oversized parcels here' and I said to Joe, 'Don't you fucking dare!' We had to stop and passersby must have thought we were drunk. Absolutely drunk.

At the end of the day we stopped at a pub near the hotel. Joe had a pint and I had a tea. There were a group of boys (they thought themselves men) at the table next. As things happen in neighbourhood pubs we all started chatting. Apparently they were graduates and were out having an afternoon drink before they all scattered to differing events. They didn't look anywhere near old enough for the drinks in their hands but, I'm at the age where police officers look four days older than sperm.

Anyways, one of the guys looked at me with a great deal of seriousness and asked if he could ask a question. I braced myself and said, 'Sure, why not?' He told me that he'd heard that people with sensory disabilities (he didn't say sensory disabilities, he said, 'fucked up eyes and ears and shit' ... ah the education system) got 'repaid' he said 'repaid' by having other senses increase. Like smell and hearing and ... shit.

'Yes,' I said, knowing where this was going.

'Well, is the same true for you know people with ...' he had the grace to pause, and I filled in 'fucked up legs?' He nodded eagerly. The others were leaning in to listen. Joe had a horrified look on his face that said, 'Leave it alone, LEAVE IT THE FUCK ALONE.'

I nodded seriously and leaned in to increase the intimacy of the moment. "When your legs don't work, it increases the feeling in your ...' and here I added a couple of lewd hip thrusts. They gasped. 'Is that for real man?' they asked. I nodded and said, 'yeah, it's about how the nerve endings work.' Well that sounded scientific enough for them, and besides the mere idea had them all looking like their testosterone was going to have them dive into empty swimming pools just to experience the power of crip sex.

Do the senses of people with disabilities increase because of the disability. You bet, it gives us the wildest sense of humour.

17 comments:

tekeal said...

great answer...

anne said...

::wiping my eyes:: brilliant, just brilliant!

Brenda said...

Would have paid good money just to see the looks on their faces!

CJ said...

OMG! Lol..lol..lol..

To be young (and stupid) again.

JP said...

LMAOROFL!!!!!!!

Classic. Way to go!

Erin said...

Too funny! Great response!

Shan said...

The package and the package, hey?

datri said...

I have tears of laughter in my eyes.

FridaWrites said...

lol!

~ Teresa ~ said...

Gosh, you are so funny! LOL!!

lisa said...

bad, bad, bad :)

Lisa

jueb said...

Dave you are wicked!!!! but you made me LOL, don't know what young people are being taught these days, i'm so glad you had the right answer for those young people

S. said...

Haha, this is brilliant.

THE POWER OF CRIP SEX. It's all part of the package, multiple puns intended.

Kate said...

I can't even imagine the audacity of someone saying something like that. I can't even imagine their mind going there, or starting to go there, or anywhere near there. Man!!! But you gave a great response and I am glad you can see the humor in it. Wow.

Lene Andersen said...

Ah, messing with the minds of able-bodied people. No better sport than that!

Larry said...

Dave you mentioned this blog on Monday @ a training I attended. I think the world needs more Dave's. People need to understand that humor sometimes is the best tool to educate and help persons of ignorance feel @ ease with saying hey, I didn't know that. Hardest part for anyone of us is admitting not knowing all the answers and acknowledging we were stupid for thinking a certain way about disabilities. I've enjoyed multiple trainings that you have had @ my company and I look forward to attending more! Your candor is very refreshing and fucking appreciated by us folk who work in the trenches :)

Lisa b said...

awesome