My Mouth

Very Coarse Language in Post:

So, we'd had quite the day, making package and parcel jokes. Stamp out intolerance. After the movie Joe said, 'That's a wrap.' We saw a sign in a store that said, 'Leave oversized parcels here' and I said to Joe, 'Don't you fucking dare!' We had to stop and passersby must have thought we were drunk. Absolutely drunk.

At the end of the day we stopped at a pub near the hotel. Joe had a pint and I had a tea. There were a group of boys (they thought themselves men) at the table next. As things happen in neighbourhood pubs we all started chatting. Apparently they were graduates and were out having an afternoon drink before they all scattered to differing events. They didn't look anywhere near old enough for the drinks in their hands but, I'm at the age where police officers look four days older than sperm.

Anyways, one of the guys looked at me with a great deal of seriousness and asked if he could ask a question. I braced myself and said, 'Sure, why not?' He told me that he'd heard that people with sensory disabilities (he didn't say sensory disabilities, he said, 'fucked up eyes and ears and shit' ... ah the education system) got 'repaid' he said 'repaid' by having other senses increase. Like smell and hearing and ... shit.

'Yes,' I said, knowing where this was going.

'Well, is the same true for you know people with ...' he had the grace to pause, and I filled in 'fucked up legs?' He nodded eagerly. The others were leaning in to listen. Joe had a horrified look on his face that said, 'Leave it alone, LEAVE IT THE FUCK ALONE.'

I nodded seriously and leaned in to increase the intimacy of the moment. "When your legs don't work, it increases the feeling in your ...' and here I added a couple of lewd hip thrusts. They gasped. 'Is that for real man?' they asked. I nodded and said, 'yeah, it's about how the nerve endings work.' Well that sounded scientific enough for them, and besides the mere idea had them all looking like their testosterone was going to have them dive into empty swimming pools just to experience the power of crip sex.

Do the senses of people with disabilities increase because of the disability. You bet, it gives us the wildest sense of humour.