Sunday, November 30, 2008

Zombies Zombies Zombies

Zombie Powers, no one ever told me about the Zombie Powers. Sure having a disability, moving around the world in a different way than others, has it's inconveniences but then there's the Zombie Powers. I sometimes forget I have them, sometimes they seem to be dormant but sometimes the powers are full strength.

I have been at the peak of my Zombie Powers the last couple of days ... oh, I see your sneering disbelieving faces. So it's evidence you want.

1) Joe was pushing me down a wide hotel hallway. A woman so thin that she's invisible sideways, saw us come, suddenly she throws herself into a doorwell, flat up against the door, like some invisible Zombie force picked her up and threw her against it. Oh she tried to make like she did it herself by smiling and asking if we had enough room. Like the hallways wasn't wide enough for two wheelchairs to pass without touching.

2) Yesterday shopping in the mall I went to buy something for Joe for Christmas at Marks and Spenser. Several times when I turned down an aisle whole families stopped. Frozen. My Zombie Powers had taken the power of movement away. When I caught their eyes they all looked like they were considering what they should do when confronted with a wheelchair in their aisle, should they run, should they stay, should they look, should they look away, they acted like they had so many competing impulses that they ended up just frozen in place. This happened three times. Zombie Powers are cool. I just wheel around the warm bodied statues and continue on my way. I believe but do not know, that the power of movement comes back to them.

3) Joe and I were in a very crowed WH Smiths yesterday and we stopped to look at cards, we always do, it was jammed around them so I parked where Joe could hand them to me. I noticed a little girl notice me. She too was waiting on the sidelines. She took a step towards me, smiling. She openned her mouth to speak and her mother noticed her about to talk to me. "Don't you go near him," she shrieked, "you don't know what he's got." Well, I know what I've got, I've got Zombie Powers.

4 This morning I woke from the sleep of the dead ... um ... isn't that exactly the definition of Zombie....

I know that other people with disabilities must have Zombie Powers too ... are your's limited to my rather paltry powers ... or are their more that I can learn over time. I am willing to be your Padawan ... let me in on your Zombie greatness.

11 comments:

Dark Angel said...

Whenever I bump into anybody (I'm blind), even when it's obviously nobody's fault, the other person always appologises. I could probably easily get away with mowing down people on purpose if I felt like it. (lol)

lina said...

wow Zombie powers, I'm jealous! Sounds like you might have a case of the cooties as well. ..or do you just make people think that as a way to gain power over them..very smart!

lisa said...

My husband and I are always making jokes and reference to zombies. Have you ever seen "Sean of the Dead"? My students have the ability to move grown adults to tears which is just as strange as having zombie powers, if you ask me.

Lisa

TheGonzoGirl said...

This made me laugh so much!!!
I can make people pull funny faces, and act like clowns!
Anytime I withdraw into my world, people almost panic, like I'm drowning, and they have the sudden urge to animate, or reanimate me.

Katja said...

Oh, yeah, I've got the Zombie Power that causes people to be tossed up against walls. Especially, for some reason, in hallways that are 72 inches (or more) wide. It's incredible.

Amy said...

Miss Emma has the power to get people to do ANYTHING she wants! All she has to do is bat those baby blues and say "Help, please" and people are falling all over themselves to do everything from carrying her stuff to doing her work at school. They think they're helping the poor little disabled girl, she thinks they're less than intelligent for falling for her shenanigans. It took me months to convince on teacher that Emma really was quite capable of doing things on her own.

Crazy stuff, those zombie powers.

FridaWrites said...

Are you in London or is there another branch of Marks and Spenser? Check out Fortnum and Mason's (really beautiful kids' toys, good for handing down, for Ruby) if you get a chance and don't miss the Canadian War Memorial near Buckingham Palace. Hope you've enjoyed some good tea and some scones.

#2 and competing impulses made me laugh, #3--people really do think we're contagious!!!! I've always joked about that but didn't realize that might sometimes be the case.

Anonymous said...

My zombie power is that I cause people to engage in facial contortions, that could be described as being like "looks of disgust". Even people who are nice to my face, I will catch them doing this out of the corner of my eye when they think I am not looking!

Diana Troldahl said...

Oh gods! I needed that laugh, thank you! I'll be more aware of my Zombie powers in future.. maybe I'll add a little eye rolling or archaic Japanese to increase the effect next time.

Cherie said...

I had wheels for a few years following a car accident but my powers left along with the wheels. I guess it was enchanted wheels and not powers I had but... It seemed like people didn't want to stare or be rude and they accomplished this by completely ignoring my existence in public spaces but I know the truth:
I had the power of invisibility.

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