I suppose it's about attitude.
It should have been a nice day. In fact, it probably was.
We got up and immediate began the fixings in a fairly complicated recipe. In fact it began by making an infusion from hot milk, bay leaves, onion slices and peppercorns. We've never cooked with fragrent milk before and it was an interesting process. Part way through I realized, really realized that we are about to head to the UK for a month so I grabbed our bag of apples and got them ready to make some applesauce - I figured Ruby would like some fresh, hot, homemade, cinnamonny, sauce.
While things were cooking we hunkered down in the front room and watched a dvd that we all agreed was amazing. We chatted about the holidays and Joe read Ruby, The Night Before Christmas ... for the first time this year.
Then after a hot lunch and packing Mike and Ruby headed down to the car and back home to Ottawa. Joe went down, helping carry stuff. I stayed back in the apartment. Joe was gone quite a while because he went over to pick up some fresh veggies for supper and headed out to gas up the car.
A normal day.
I would have gone down with them to say goodbye and then gone over to the grocery store. I tried not to mope about the house. I lay down for awhile and read. Finished one book and started another. Couldn't get comfortable. Couldn't shake the feeling that I wanted to cry.
We are still in search of a wheelchair. We head into a week of a big lecture in Niagara Falls and then a flight to the UK ... all with no wheelchair. To be sure people are trying to help me out but there is only so much that people can do. I need a 22 inch wheelchair, most are 18 ... so we've got to just hope and pray it works out.
I'm surprised at myself for not being able to shake this off easily. I think it's because I didn't realize how fragile my connection to the real world is. I didn't realize how dependant I was - really.
Even now, I'm up and trying to figure out the complexities of just getting to work. I've got to go in, I've promised some stuff for noon today and I don't want to miss the deadline and it's stuff I can't do at home.
But I tell you, anyone who ever calls me wheelchair bound again is going to get popped in the nose.