It's weird living in an apartment building again. It's a big building with over twenty floors. There are more people living in that building than lived in Baxter, the small town we moved from. What's weird though, is that you never really see anyone. We've met the neighbour across the hall, Tess, but only because she purposely introduced herself. We've not even seen anyone on our side of the elevator. So the other morning when we were getting on the lift and heard a fellow from the other side come out of his apartment, we held the door waiting for him.
A trim, faintly handsome man, got on the elevator. We said 'Good morning,' he didn't. Well, that's OK, not everyone is a morning person. Joe goes down to get the car and I get off in the lobby and head out to meet him. This means I rely on someone to open the lobby door and then the front door. I pushed out of the elevator and our neighbour rushed by. I asked him if he could hold the door for me. He bristled. Actually bristled. But he held the door.
I went through and said 'Thankyou' ... then he rushed through the front door without holding it and without a look back. OK then. Someone else came along and held the door and I was out and rolling down to the street to meet Joe. As I rolled I tried to process his attitude, his reaction to me. He was icy cold. He was hostile. He was definately unfriendly. Was I being paranoid or was he truly hateful.
Two mornings later, we were back at the elevator, again we held the door when he came out of his apartment. Joe waited for him and then we heard the faint click of the door at the end of the hallway. He'd taken the stairs.
I've seen him a few times since. He won't look me in the eye. He's a physical fitness buff and can be seen coming in after a jog or going out on roller blades. I'm not sure if it's my weight or my disability but something about me disgusts him.
Well, at least it's a reciprocal relationship.
Because something about him certainly disgusts me.
But I wonder to myself, what does it profit him - this belief in his superiority, this idea that he is worthy and others are not, this notion that worth is seen not discovered. What does it profit him to live his life in such a manner that he can willingly and purposefully exclude others? I have noticed that others, even nice looking regular people avoid his gaze and step out of his way.
What does he get from this?
Well right now he gets this ...