Thursday, November 09, 2017


He said 'No.'

He said it softly.

He said it with determination.

He said 'No.'

Sometimes it's the smallest miracles that reap the biggest joys. It may not seem much to others but to me, it fills my world with light. Seeing someone used to simply capitulating, simply blending into the background, simply ceding his right to space and to time and to inclusion, say a word that brings him into focus.

'No' is a word that stops everything for a moment.

It's a word that brings the focus of others on you.

Perhaps in anger. Perhaps in frustration. Perhaps in shock.

It's a word that challenges authority and questions hierarchy.

It establishes self, and selfhood, and differentiates one from another. A firm No isn't the opposite of  a freely given Yes, it's it's twin.

His tiny quiet No drew a circle around him. It's the first time he drew a line in the sand and knew that he was on one side and that both his mother and his staff were on the other.

They were used to compliance.

Complete and utter control had been established.


An end to compliance.

An end to control.

The staff rose from her seat ready to 'assist' him in his move from 'No' to 'Yes.'

His mother, put her hand on the young woman's arm and pulled her gently back to her seat.

The staff looked confused.

Because his mother was crying.


clairesmum said...

and the shell has begun to break, with one very small word - no.
i hope this young man can continue to find his OWN words and make his OWN choices....and that those who care for him and about him can listen, and resist their impulses to control/direct/protect him from his own life.

Unknown said...

I am not sure where I have been seeing it, maybe on your blog, but I love "No is a complete sentence."

Adelaide Dupont said...

Compliance is comfortable. And it is a cult too.

"It establishes self, and selfhood, and differentiates one from another. A firm No isn't the opposite of a freely given Yes, it's it's twin."

This is what I need to remember. Because children are taught about Yes and No as opposites rather than complements.

And nonduality may come late or not at all.

As for No is a complete sentence: I have seen it a lot in the feminist world. Thank you Sunnkistme.

Claire's Mum: "protecting someone from their own life". I see also that he can build and maintain his shell / space with some well-chosen and timed Nos.

Unknown said...

I work with a young lady who is, typically, very compliant to the wishes of others. Every now and then, though, she refuses to comply. She refuses to do what "needs" to be done. She says, "No".
When it happens, it's the highlight of my day. It makes my day more complicated, because I have to rearrange MY plans...It makes my day so much better, though, because she is telling me that SHE has a plan, and that it's time for me to follow HER lead.
She is figuring out how to assert herself. She is realizing that she has choice and power... She is getting to, "No." :D