Tuesday, February 02, 2016

Permission Slip

Image Description: the words 'PERMISSION SLIP' written on a beige background

It's so easy for me to get lazy.

The handles at the back of my chair practically scream, "help the helpless!"

I noticed a little while ago, which should have sparked immediate change but that's not how it works with me, that I've been giving in to the temptation to be pushed rather than to push myself. In the morning, on the way to work, the hallway trek to the elevator seems like such a long push, oddly the same hallway, on the way back from work, seems longer. And it's carpeted. And I'm tired. And, let's not forget, I've got these amazing handles behind me.

So, slowly, over time.

I've been pushed up and down those hallways more and more.

And it's not just those hallways.

Like I said, I noticed a while ago, but noticing doesn't always lead to action. It lead to me thinking, "How interesting. I should blog about that."

But I didn't blog about it.

Or do anything else.

Until Sunday, I was using my power chair and I had to reach out and lift something. It was something that I have carried for a long time, but I realized that it's heavy. Really heavy. I hadn't ever thought of it as heavy before. Then, wham, I realized that my arms simply don't have to power that they had when I was determined to push myself in my own chair. My arms were losing power and strength.

That was it.

I'm pushing myself again.

It's only been a couple of days. But I am firm in my conviction. I have always said, about others touching my chair, that those handles aren't permission.

Well, they aren't permission for me either.


AnyBeth said...

You gotta keep those arms up to be the local jar-opener, right? ;)
I hate being pushed. Last time I was pushed, it was to help me up little hills on my first outing since I'd be laid up sick. Didn't like it then, either, but finally getting out was more important.
One consequence of my reluctance to be pushed that I really love: My little nephew (year and a bit) just discovered that the (occupied) wheelchair can be moved by pushing the back. After making sure I noticed, he stopped and went to a wheel instead. To him, that the wheelchair can be moved otherwise is incidental; it works by turning the big wheels. *nods* Love it.

Ettina said...

This reminds me of a departed friend, a manual chair user who had removed the handles on his chair because he hated when people tried to push his chair.

clairesmum said...

We all have to 'push' ourselves, sometimes!

Anonymous said...

I admire your strength to do what you need to. Hope the inner strength is soon matched with arm strength.