I have been the victim of a 'confluence'.
I don't think that people who don't walk should ever get the runs. I've been popping Imodium like Tic Tac's simply hoping it will all go away. I've been keeping pretty much on schedule with travelling and lecturing in spite of feeling low physically.
Typically I am an optimist, I have made my way through dark times by believing in light. However, some of the stories I have heard over the last little while, the pain with which the stories have been told, have clouded my soul. I began to feel despairing. I began to feel hopeless.
Opening an email entitled, 'note to dave from a fan' brought me a message that stated that I was nothing but a frivolous fraud. I do not wish to describe further the mean spirited message and the vitriol with which I was attacked. Normally I shake this kind of thing off, it's not the first time its happened, I know it won't be the last. But I couldn't shake it.
I sat down and wrote my blog yesterday in a moment that was the confluence of three separate streams of existence. I decided to take action and ask for consideration in the demands made on me as a blog writer, an increase in responses so that I knew what I did mattered, and it felt good to have done something.
Then, a little after noon I called Joe and simply said, 'I need to be sick. I need to shake this bug.' He took action and gave me a day tomorrow where I can sleep in and rest. He did it without muss or fuss. The people that my illness inconvenienced were understanding and even kind. They allowed me time to get better and didn't guilt me for doing so.
Before leaving work, I sat down with a couple of people who I know to be 'giant killers' and began to talk about a grass roots approach to bullying, teasing and social violence. We talked with purpose as if the problem was 'solveable' we talked hopefully. These are two people who 'do' things. I came away feeling a bit like something was begun. It mattered to me to not be idle. To not simply be overwhelmed by the hugeness of the issues.
I got home and opened my blog comments, something that I can't do at work, and saw the flood of affirmations from you all. I felt, at first, embarrassed that I had bothered you all with my whining. Then, I realized that I have always believed that 'if you need something - ask for it'. I needed. I asked. You responded. Thanks.
So I'm writing this at night before going to bed into a night that doesn't have an early morning. I'm going to rest up and beat the 'bug'. Thanks to those who understood. Thanks to those who listened. Thanks to those who responded.
What's that song ... the sun will come out ...