Saturday, April 12, 2008

Today

In a few hours we are heading down to Toronto to look for a place to live. It's a bit of a daunting task and I admit to being concerned. I have to think about things like toilets and passageways and have to ask entirely new questions about where I live. I need two simple things. To be able to get into the place. To be able to move around the place once I'm in. I know I am about to face a world that was not designed for me or my ilk. I'm concerned.

We know the area we want to live in and we want to scope that area out first and foremost. It's important for us to like our neighbourhood and it's important for each of us to find what we want in this place. Both of us have now really warmed to the idea of living back in the city, enjoying what the city has to offer. But for me it's deeper than that, I want a renewed sense of freedom and independance. I want to be able to hop on an elevator, push myself outside, and go to a corner store, or a grocery store, all on my own. An impossible dream here in the country.

But I am fearful that I have idealized the city. I am imagining a whole world of accessibility. But that's it, I'm imagining it. The last time we lived there I was in the walking world and never took note of steps and aisles. Now I've got to go looking and I'm nervous of what I'm going to find. I also wonder about rental agents and building managers, how are they going to respond to a guy in a wheelchair? Will they deny entrance by pretending full occupancy? Will they not want the worry of having a disabled guy in their building?

It's strange to have all these worries and fears swirling around me. I thought that this morning I'd be excited, but I'm not.

I'm scared.

6 comments:

lina said...

ok, well I'm excited for you - honestly I know, I know, I see the world through pink coloured glasses. But I'm excited for you, for your new journey - and remember, you are exactly where you need to be. You are going to go - good or bad - to wherever you need to go - and it will all be an amazing journey.
Congratulations on your move -and all the best of luck - can't wait to hear more about today's adventure.

Anonymous said...

I'm excited for you too. So much to do & see in Toronto. Good luck finding the perfect place.

Anjie (mom to Adam)

Susan said...

That's a compelling first chapter. I can't wait to read the rest of the story... Of course there are fears and insecurities at the beginning of an adventure. And there will be pitfalls along the way, no doubt. I hope we get to share in the rest of the story.

I'm praying that you find the PERFECT place - if not today, then soon - and all your fears and insecurities are blown right out of the water by the happy ending.

At the same time, I hear your pain.. and I feel it with you.

Blessings!

Susan said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nicole said...

Good luck! I hope you guys find the perfect place.

Anonymous said...

I am optimistic for you!

As I read your blog it made me smile that you were concerned that people would not want to rent to you because you have a disability and not because you are part of a gay couple!!

One step ahead!!!!

....to a future where you won't have to worry about disphobia!!!