Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Conversations With My Penis

Today I realized, with some urgency, that the inside my head talks with my penis have really changed over time. When I was in my teens the conversations went like this:

Hi, I'm here looking up at you, wanna play? Wanna play?

No, bad penis, bad penis, I'm in public.

Come on, come on, it will feel good. You like to play.

No, stop it leave me alone.

Now that I'm nearly 65 the conversations go like this:

Gotta pee, gotta pee, gotta pee.

I'm in the line up for security, wait a minute.

No, no waiting, gotta pee, gotta pee.

Alright I'm through, I'm on my way to the toilet.
NOW. How about I go a little now?

NO Wait ... Shit.

This, this, they never taught me in sex education. This, this is why you need to learn about your body across the lifespan, not just when you are young. Excuse me while I go change.


Glee said...

Bahahahahaha yup!

Unknown said...

The title alone woke me right up.....the body does have a 'mind' of its' own!


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the giggle.

And on a related note: I recently heard a song by Uncle Bonsai - I think it's called Modern Medicine but the first line is "I got old man arms, hardly even reach the itchy places." Contains a line that almost perfectly captures my experience as an old woman: "I got old man stirrings in my old man pants; old desires with an old man's chance."

Amazing how much this current body doesn't match the one I had when I was 20.