Sunday, November 23, 2014

To The Red Headed Kid In Front of Me

Dear Kid In Front of Me in the Lineup,

Before I start, let me just assure you that I think you are an amazing kid. I know you aren't used to getting letters from strangers but this is the only way I can think of to express my admiration of the person you already are and the person you are still yet to be.

When I pulled into the lunchtime line up and saw that I was fifth or sixth in line behind a bunch of young teens, yes including you, I immediately tensed up. You see these are really unsafe situations for me. I'm fat, I'm in a wheelchair, I'm a pretty big target for really small hearts. But I noticed something right away. I saw that they were switching their gaze, and their open hostility to me, from you. Of course I saw your bright red hair. You already know that in a world browns and yellows, bright orange red hair, makes you really, really, really easy to see. Like me, I hope you don't mind the comparison and somehow I don't think you will, I'm guessing that there are times you just wish for a moment or two of anonymity.

So, they switched their gaze and their comments from you to me. Do you know kid, that I was in this situation once, when I was your age, and I didn't handle it like you did. For me, I was so weary, and this is neither excuse or reason - what I did was wrong, of being treated differently that when I had the opportunity, when another walked into firing range, I joined in. I became what I hated. It was only for maybe two or three minutes and I want you to know I am more wounded, in real ways, by what I did in those two minutes than I was from all the years of being the 'one'. The one that was easy to laugh at, to mock and to purposely hurt - I don't like the word bullying because it doesn't express what I experienced, I experienced violence, social violence. That means of course, that what I did in those couple of minutes was violent, purposeful violence. I won't minimize it by calling it bullying.

You, like me, saw them switch from you to me. I saw in your eyes, when you looked at me, a deep understanding. You stood there thinking, only for a second, and then you did one of the bravest, smartest, most compassionate things I think I've ever seen. You squared your shoulders and you pushed through the crowd of boys, the ones who had targeted you. They parted, just parted, in the face of your determination. You picked up a tray, the kind you put food on, and brought it back. You stood for a couple of seconds, knowing they were watching you, then you turned and you said to me, "Would you like this?"

An act of kindness, in the midst of meanness and, yes social violence, you did something kind. You exploded the atmosphere with what you did. I thanked you loudly, Ruby, standing beside me, thanked you too. In those seconds it was just you and us. The rest were irrelevant. They were made bystanders to a moment of connection. And connection trumps disconnection in the way love trumps hate, every single time.

After our thank yous you turned back into place. And those that had been shamed, not by what you did but by knowing they did not do what you did, stood silently, not even looking at each other, as they waited their turn.

So, red headed kid in the line in front of me, thanks.

I wish there was a bigger word than thanks, but for now that's all I got.

And I give it to you with the deepest respect for who you are and who you will one day be.



Shaya said...

Really powerful story. Awesome, thanks! It's also a great reminder that in those situations where other people are about to mean there are options.

Anonymous said...

I’m so glad you and Ruby and the kid got to meet in that line.

Clairesmum said... you say, doing damns the darkness...and he did. That's courage in action. Peace.

Mardra said...

I have nothing to add except thank you for sharing this.

Anonymous said...

Wow! I am hoping that was my wonderful young red-headed grandson. I could imagine him behaving that way. Whether or not it was him, that young man is already a man, grown up right, knowing compassion and grace. samm

Cynthia F. said...

I love this story! hope that kid is prime minister one day!