(Thanks to Becca for this reclaimed post. Blogger went down for nearly 24 hours and took with it posts and comments. I lost this post and all the comments attached to it. Becca magically was able to retreive it for me. I'm going to write my next post tomorrow morning - so it will be published somewhere around 6AM EST. I don't want to lose more work. Thanks for understanding.)
I had a moment today, actually a collection of moments, which was magical.
I was tired and a bit grumpy. I got on the bus to go to work feeling slightly guilty of being snappish with Joe over breakfast. I'm feeling much better, well enough certainly, to go to work. I'd just not slept very well. We drove off into a bright and beautiful morning. The driver tried chatting but the bus was noisy, making small talk impossible, so we fell into friendly silence.
The sun was hot on my shoulder. My chair moved with the bus and I had that feeling you get when riding a train. A comfortable, warm, clack-clack-clack which rocks you gently. I fell into a reverie. I didn't think of anything in particular.
But something odd happened.
Maybe for the first time ever, or at least in a very long time.
I felt adjectives detaching from my soul and falling away.
They gathered around me, like wrapping from a big present, laying at my feet. 'Gay'. It was there, over there, by 'disabled'. 'Fat'. It was there too, right beside 'tall'. 'Old' was beside 'Christian'. And as each one of them fell away, I felt, something emerging.
The essence of Dave.
Without a role to fill, without expectations of habit, without need for explanation, without past, without future.
I should, by my age, be more comfortable with 'he who is me' but his presence kind of startled me. He's different without the attached descriptors. Much different.
I think I might have even liked him.
No, I know I did, sitting there on a warm bus being gently rocked, feeling the sun on my shoulder, he seemed to accept the me sitting there, the labels around my feet. It was like he'd been waiting for a moment to say,
'Hi'. Just a friendly 'hey'.
I arrived at work and shook off the moment and then stepping through the door, realized, I kind of missed him already.