Thursday, February 11, 2010

Way Past the Starting Gate

Before writing this post, I need to make something clear. I am happy with my work, my employer, the team I work with, the tasks I have to do, the goals I have set for myself. All that is fine, but ...

Yesterday when writing my blog, I pushed the 'publish post' button and thus scheduled the post for today. When I did so, there was one of those 'ad-sense' ads along side the text. I typically don't notice these things but my attention was grabbed by spotting the word 'disability' in the text. I went to read what was being advertised.

It seems that there were three positions needing filled, two in Toronto and one in Edmonton, for jobs in the disability field. I read the job title and thought, 'Hmmmm, that sounds interesting,' and clicked to look at the job. First things first, before reading the job description, I look at the qualifications. I read through the list. Without being immodest, I ACED that - OK on to the job itself. I was having fun. Really. Fun.

Even though I was self employed for years (and still am) before coming to work for Vita, I always kept abreast of the jobs that were out there and available in the disability field. I wanted to make sure that if I ever wanted to leave the world of lecturing, consultancy and travel, there would be work for me. At least I used to, for maybe the first 5 or 6 years of private practice.

Even when it came to getting my present job, I never looked in the paper, I presented myself with an idea and a mission and managed to somehow magically get hired on. So, it hasn't been for years that I've looked at a job ad, and I'd forgotten how much fun it is to look for work, particularly when I already have work. Because beside looking, I imagine starting over and starting fresh, digging into new tasks and meeting new people, making the job my own.

And when I was doing this yesterday, I realized, wistfully, that I'm past that point. That my career is more behind me than in front of me. That I'll probably never, ever, interview for a job again. That this starting three years ago at Vita, is probably my last starting. And while I'm still excited to go to work and work on some incredibly challenging and exciting projects.

I'm old enough to be past new starts.

The very idea makes me wistful for the days of huge possibility, even while spending days working on things of huge importance.


I think it's nap time.


theknapper said...

I understand the feeling of being near the end of work and when I work with folks in their 20's I have mixed their enthusiasm, energy and passion,(sometimes I feel jaded) I sometimes am concerned when they believe they have THE ANSWERS. It's a mixed bag for sure.
Am listenning to DEAFENING. Having lots of memories of working in an institution.

rickismom said...

Each day, Dave is a new start. A new chance to be what we can be.

Belinda said...

Oh, my friend, this is the best time of all. We get to mentor the next generation--to be the wind in their sails--to make their eyes shine with the same passion that beats in our hearts; to be the "wise ones" that others honour and respect (something that is so undervalued in our society, but which is such a loss if not honoured.) We get to cheer on new heroes and live on through them. I wouldn't trade any of what I have now for what I had "then."

Kristin said...

I have a very strange outlook towards my point in life. I don't mind getting older. In fact, I love who I am and where I am. However, I frequently wonder how in the hell I got to be 40 and how I really became old enough to be the one in charge. I don't feel 40.

I think I will just look at it with the words rickismom said, "Each day, Dave is a new start. A new chance to be what we can be."

Anonymous said...

I keep waiting for that "state of grace" age to come settle on me like a mantle of graciousness. Most of the time I just feel old and silly; not wiser, not worthy of mentoring or sail air. But maybe that's why I go on in this field - because I know I can be better, I can learn - I am not "there" yet. Still kinda young cheese in my head rather than stinky old aged blue.

Anonymous said...

I don't know how old you are, Dave. But you are never too old for new starts, for a new possibility or for a new venue for your old tricks.

yanub said...

A lot of people older than you start fresh, some because they have to, others because they want to. They may be handing out carts at Walmart after a lifetime of teaching or they may be beginning their new career teaching after a lifetime handing out carts. You've only been doing the job you have for three years, yet you think that it is time to start boxing up your future and putting it in storage?

I hope you applied for that other job and didn't let you talk yourself out of it because of silly concerns like your age.

FridaWrites said...

My grandfather worked until the last few months of his life--he was 87; my grandmother is 84 and just returned to work at the office (part-time). They like the business they started and never wanted to retire--they worked together and had many of their most intensive friendships through the business. They were certainly putting in full days even in their 70s. My grandfather continued taking computer classes into his late 70s and would get hyperventilate-y if his email/internet stopped working.