Thursday, August 21, 2008

Twist and Shout

Ow Ow Ow Ow

I can't believe how much it hurt. I managed to twist my knee when standing up to transfer from the couch to my wheelchair. I've done that move a thousand times but I must have done something just slightly different. I didn't feel much more than a twinge, at first. But an hour later and the knee was throbbing.

Getting up at night for a pee is a given, I'm over 50, and when I stood my knee protested loudly. I could barely move. I stumbled from one brace to another as I held on first to the top of the dresser, then to the door jam, then to the hallway wall. It was almost unbearable.

I knew that Joe had some anti-inflamitories, from when he had the heel spur, left over. There were the T3's that I'd not finished when I had surgery. Somewhere in the apartment was relief. I made it to my desk, sat down on my office chair and waited for the pain to subside. An hour later Joe got up to check on me, he found the pills in a few minutes and I was trembling like a crack whore as he doled them out to me.

Being stoned was simply a side benefit to the pills, mostly the end result was that the pain went away. The next morning we modified our goals as I couldn't really walk at all. I'm not much of a walker now anyways, but what I had was now almost gone. Without the pills, I could stand, briefly, and hobble the few feet from the bedroom door to the bed.

Talk about feeling foolish. Double crippled. I deserve 2 parking spaces!

It was interesting to realize how much I depend on the movement that I do have. That when it was gone the world I navagate well became suddenly much more difficult. That the independance I have was suddenly completely gone.

I know my knee will get better, I know that all will be well. I know that I will be well. But it was a harrowing glimpse at how hard the world could be - and how much I take my world for granted.

But, my world is my world, and however I experience it - vanilla will still taste like vanilla.


Anonymous said...

ow ow ow~
so sorry you hurt your knee Dave, I hope it feels better really soon!
As a woman with chronic pain, I couldn't go about my day without narcotics and anti-inflammitories! They are the breakfast (or midnight snack?) of champions......
in the meantime while you heal, be gentle on yourself!
Take Care!

Amy said...

Sorry to hear about your knee, Dave! Pain like that really sucks. You know what I think, though? I think that even if you lost the last shred of the independence you currently have, you would adapt and grow, and still find yourself saying that it could be worse. Your world remains your world - what you can do or not do physically won't define that about you.

Wheeling said...

Sorry about the knee pain!

It always amazes me on the days when I have a flare up and can't walk a step just how much of a difference my normal 10 steps can make.

Hope it's better soon!

rickismom said...

WOW What a nice new look!

Anonymous said...

Over the last few years I have gradually lost my mobility but not my independence. Sure I need help to do things that I previously did alone. I am learning about inter-dependence. For someone who has been fiercely independent always (and I suspect you have been too) this is progress. Take care of the knee.