Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Just Being Needy

I popped by Shannon's blog today and she had played an interesting game on her computer. She'd typed 'Shannon needs' into Google and then published some results. I was having a quiet few moments so I decided to do the same. I googled 'Dave needs' and the list was interesting ... here's the first ten.

Dave needs a shave.

Dave needs a shower.

Dave needs a rest.

Dave needs a timeout.

Dave needs servers.

Dave needs a lover.

Dave needs rehab.

Dave needs therapy.

Dave needs a big apology.

and the last one, quite simply states:

Dave needs help.

Not being entirely egocentric, I thought I'd look up Joe Needs and see what was there. I thought maybe it would be a duplicate list. Don't we all need the same things. Turns out that ..

Joe needs a liver transplant.

Joe needs to do his part in holding up the pecking order.

Joe needs to poop.

Joe needs our help.

Joe needs a drummer.

Joe needs you.

Joe needs to keep quiet.

Joe needs a leather bound day planner.

Joe needs expert advice.

And of course ... and I couldn't agree more ...

Joe needs toilet training.

Well, wasn't that a fun way to spend a few minutes. I was just jotting notes about what I was going to write about when I read Shannon's blog (I've put that link in twice because I'm totally impressed that I can do it now and am showing off.) It was fun to write something totally without sense or meaning. After the week we've had with Tropic Thunder, I think we all need a bit of a breather.

Speaking of Tropic Thunder, I think the best analysis of the movie and the boycott was written by Dick Sobsey on his blog ICAD which is definately worth a read. Rah, Dick.

So a challenge to regular commentors. Give me the funniest line that comes up from your NEEDS search. The funniest one will get a copy of 'the R word ... helping people with intellectual disabilities deal with teasing and bullying' (check the book out at Diverse City). I'm not sure if the book is on their website yet, but if it isn't now, it will be in a day or two.


Anonymous said...

I got 3 pages of Lisa needs braces- so I guess I REALLY need braces :)

Lisa needs to take lessons from Leo Sayer


Lisa Needs a New Concealer

Lisa needs a home ASAP

I also found an actual person called Lisa Needs and they a facebook page!!

I googled Joe needs and got a different list to you: according to my list Jo needs excercise; Jo needs a leather bound day planner; jo needs to go;Joe Needs To Get Fair Dinkum About Centrelink And Smartcard Privacy Issues and Joe needs your help to find his broccoli!

I googled Dave needs and got most of your list

Weird huh??

Aussie Leis ( but Leis didn't bring up anything on Google)

Anonymous said...

"TERA needs money to defend women and thereby protect all so that they may exercise their equal rights under the country's constitution."

TERA=the Topfree Equal Rights Association

Anonymous said...

My best ones:
Amy needs gloves to touch herself

amy needs a clever name

amy needs to be chased by michael myers

what Amy needs is a nagging, needling, interfering and loving mother figure

Amy needs sex '4 times a day'

Amy needs to remember she’s married to someone

Amy needs another cocktail before facing police

A large number of replies begin with "Amy needs rehab" thanks to Ms Winehouse.

rickismom said...

First, Dave, Thanks for the idea. It was fun and a nice way to laugh !

Besides the obvious ones, like money, help,typing, loan, hugs, direction, and support
I got:
Ruth needs to heed [my husband would agree]
Ruth needs a husband [no comment]
Ruth needs your vote [not bad…]
Ruth needs ashtray [because I don’t allow them in the house]
Ruth needs MOOLA MOOLA [I didn’t understand this at ALL at first, till Wikipedia enlightened me that this is “money”. Well, I wouldn’t mind
Ruth needs to ensure that all clauses are precisely placed
Ruth needs an extreme makeover [my kids would surely agree. Maybe for my daughter’s upcoming wedding…]

But the best were:
Ruth needs the Herd’s help
Ruth needs only 10 homers in 47 games….[Yeah, I can just imagine running around the bases!!!]

wendy said...

Wendy needs retraining (my personal fave)
Wendy needs every measuring cup and spoon she can find
Wendy needs to warm up to Animal Welfare
Wendy needs your time and money (go easy on the time, okay! ;-) )
Wendy needs to get a clue

Belinda said...

Belinda needs:
To use her brain for once.

Hmmm. Thanks Dave!

Susan said...

"Susan clearly needs demystification..."

Ain't that the truth? :o)

Anonymous said...

Annie needs to be rescued by the armed forces (displaying male power)

Tee hee!

Anonymous said...

That Michelle needs to keep her mouth shut and wear beige until she wins something is obvious to everyone except Michelle and her handlers. ...

Michelle needs to stand up to the bullies and keep being herself,

Michelle needs to do that. Go play on the other circuit

Michelle needs to exercise her right to shut the @#$% up. ...

Hee Hee! That was fun!

Anonymous said...

Debbie needs a saddle

Debbie needs your help

Debbie needs to look behind her

Debbie needs prayer

Debbie Needs a second guitarist

I also found a Facebook entry for "Debbie Needs"

lina said...

too funny!
1. All Lina needs is a bottle and then boots (wow, when did they meet me?)
2. Lina needs to be enjoying that gorgeous deck and beautiful view!
and my personal favourite:
3. Lina needs more love.
amen to that!

Suelle said...

Suzanne needs a new gynecologist?

Ashley's Mom said...

Deborah needs "a beer". How did Google know that???

Skylex said...

Kim needs a guinea pig (how did they know this??)
I also need to shut up and go home, to mind my own business and to talk!
This was fun, thanks!

Unknown said...

Rhonda needs to take advantage of the fact that there is no statute of limitations

Rhonda needs prayer.
Rhonda needs to get laid.
Rhonda needs a new focus (after she gets laid, she'll have one!)
Rhonda needs emergency advice.
Rhonda needs help organizing and pulling off this event
Rhonda needs a serious perm
Rhonda needs a break
Rhonda needs to pay for being such a little weasel

This is too much fun!

rickismom said...

Just for the fun of it, I did "Ricki". I got:

Ricki needs to know that she can not accept gifts from strangers.

Written on my own blog about half a year ago. Not funny, but true.

Anonymous said...

On (works like google, but lets you raise money for charity just by searching):

Andrea needs treatment, not a death sentence (gosh, I'm so relieved!)

The truth about Andrea needs to be revealed (er, wait, I have secrets? how come no one told me?)

Andrea needs to be able to create written material (so, wait, my 10 years of experience creating written material for professional publication counts for owt now? ;-) )

Slowed by her joint disorder, Andrea needs more time than a child who is ... (perhaps the "truth" that needs to be revealed is that I have a hithertofore unknown joint disorder? Or that I am a child, NOT a 38-year-old adult as I had assumed all along ... ;-) )

Andrea needs to call the shots (yes, please!) on the final product


Andrea needs me close to her heart (if that was my sweetie talking then, yes)

Andrea needs you (depends who "you" is!)

Andrea needs help fast! (Er, I do? I just hope this isn't related in some way to the utterly mystifying, and slightly intimidating, "truth that needs to be revealed" ...)

Andrea needs two furnished rooms (if you mean a two BEDROOM apartment, and if you mean in the Wash DC area convenient to public transportation at a price sweetie and I can actually afford--yeah, sure, I'll take it!)

Andrea needs no siblings (my sister will be so hurt to know!)

Andrea needs to fall asleep already (but, it's not even 1 pm!)

BONUS!!!! Someone else named Andrea did her own "Andrea needs" list! There is a little overlap with mine, but most items are different.

I did not find anyone named "Andrea Needs" in the first page of search results.

Anonymous said...

"Katie needs" - to use the litter pan on her own....

there are things you find out about yourself every day!

Tamara said...

Fun idea! Can't pick one ...

Tamara needs to consult with a fashion advisor
Tamara needs to be more assertive and improve her ability to communicate.
Tamara needs a date to the prom at Los Amigos
Tamara needs a new job.
Tamara Needs a Kick in the Butt.
Tamara needs lots of people to help her run her life
Tamara needs counseling and jail.
Tamara needs to be hospitalized 1 - 3 wks.
Tamara needs to overpower your will
Tamara needs another tool for gaining social acceptance in others' homes, ...
Tamara needs to get impregnated by her husband already! [No No No!]
Tamara needs to come to germany with us and clean my house

Anonymous said...

Anna needs to find a toilet.

Anna needs Vagisil.

Anna needs to be excused from class today.

Anna needs to get off her high horse.

Anna needs love, and she gets nothing from him but coldness and silence.

Anna needs to go away to where all little witches go.

Shan said...

I vote for one of these:

Amy needs sex 4 times a day (or, really, any of Amy's - they were hilarious)

Andrea needs to pay for being such a little weasel.

Michelle needs to keep her mouth shut and wear beige until she wins something.

Terri said...

Terri needs many things, most importantly, not to be blinded by the dollar signs.

I think I shall have to practice to succeed at this--so bring on the bucks!

Anonymous said...

k here is my list:
Maranatha needs
-to sell products
- 150 folding chairs and a commercial Stihl weed eater (I'm having a function perhaps?)
- physical, emotional, family and finanacial support (wow I'm a mess!)
-Prayer that the Lord will give her wisdom as how meeting the needs of her family
- a dryer
- instruction into a lifestyle that places the needs of others above their own needs and wants
- does NOT need to wait for the hour of enlightenment

Anonymous said...

How fun!
Dawn needs several miracles, a tripod and and this one-
Dawn needs a big glass jar to grow her own "brain in the vat." ???!!!

FAB said...

"Cheryl needs to keep her day job"

was the most amusing one I found, someone must have seen me singing Karaoke the other week!

Anonymous said...

Nathan needs ritalin.
Nathan needs huggies.

Sometimes I think I need a good kick in the @$$ but ritalin and huggies... I never knew!

Dave Hingsburger said...

These are great everyone. We'll pick a winner tomorrow night. Want to keep it open to those who don't read every day too. We've decided to give away three books. Thanks again Shannon for the idea.

Anonymous said...

Here are a few of mine:
Chris needs a new Paris Hilton sex video - never had the old one.

Chris needs a USB Powered Heat Stirrer - don't know what that is but it sounds interesting.

Chris needs an intervention.

Chris needs to get on Twitter - hmmmm.

Jodi said...

This was my favorite:

Jodi needs deliverance from lust

RusW said...

My first name being Ward here is my favorite result.

"Ward needs no strap-on"

That should put a strut in my step for a day or so :-)

Thanks Dave that was fun.

Anonymous said...

This is just too much fun.I did two searches, one for Rita needs (Rita is my first name) and Gracie needs (Gracie is my pen/middle name and was also my childhood name) my grandma called me Gracie and I knew for sure that she loved me, I didn't know that about any of the other adults in my childhood.

Rita needs:
1.The Red Cross (a disaster?)
2.To quit smoking (I pray for this every night)
3.To f***ing go somewhere else!
4.To shut up and step away from the glue! (but I didn't inhale!)
A loan of 2000 Peruvian Nuevos Soles (750 US dollars) to buy potatoes!!! (The price of potatoes has really gone up!)

Just three for Gracie:
1.twenty-two entries for Gracie needs a home. (I lost mine in a fire three years ago)
2.To wear doggie diapers (too little for the big ones?)
3.Her own cup of JOE!!!(probably not since we are both gay!)

This was such a good idea and lots of fun. I'm going to pass this on to everyone I know!

Bev said...

Wow, Dave. That was harsh. My very first one said "Bev needs to f*** off!"

Anonymous said...

You may recall that my daughter Amber had a really bad experience with a group home and is now terrified of the idea of another one. So am I. Well just for fun I googled Amber needs. Here is what the first entry said.

"Amber needs the socialization and stimulation that a group home would offer!" I didn't go to any other entries.
Now that is just too weird. It made my heart jump in my chest. HMMM...I don't know. Just thought I would share that little bit of weirdness.

rickismom said...

This is off topic.
Dave, I just wanted to give you an itsy-bitzy glimpse into the way you change us and our lives for the better. (Exerted from my blog for today.)

On the way down the stairs, I noted two people in front of me. One was an elderly lady, navigating the stairs rather slowly, purse in hand. Behind her was a middle-aged woman. The middle-aged woman took a few steps forward, and grasped the arm of the older woman. “Here, let me help you.”
- “No thanks” responded the elderly woman.
- “At least let me take your bag for you.” Insisted the younger woman.

[I would note here that there was a working elevator that could have been used by anyone so desiring….]
Watching this lady who had forcibly invaded the body space of her neighbor on the stairs reminded me vividly about Dave Hingsburger’s numerous posts about hating it when people touched him, his chair, etc. (I doubt that I would have given this too much thought a year ago.) So I piped up:
-“Madam, I think that you should allow her to descend on her own, since that’s what she prefers.”
The old lady looked back at me, in surprise, and smiled. I almost winked back. Instead, I just smiled.

Heike Fabig said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Heike Fabig said...

Heike needs
- help, please call
- to strike a balance between doing for herself and doing for others
- vacations ASAP
- to pick a team of 3 people
- excitement in her life
and, of course, Heike needs this big cock (do they mean chicken, or...?)

But my favorite, which might just become my life motto thanks to Google

Heike need to foster a healthy fighting spirit, pick herself up and go!

Anonymous said...

I checked on mine and got "All Cathy needs is a feather to fan him and feed him peeled grapes". Veru interesting...

Anonymous said...

Thank you, rickismom, for sharing your story.

As a deaf person, the kind of assistance I need (when I do genuinely need it) do not involve invasion of my personal space or physical contact. But hearing people do sometimes attempt to "help" me navigate my conversations with people who are difficult to lipread by simply taking charge of the whole interaction and leaving me to learn what was said--and decided!! about me!!--only after the fact, unless I am VERY forceful about being included. And I always hate when people take that approach.

If they're going to help (and I don't necessarily always need help, sometimes I just need for the other person to start exhibiting a little more patience and a little more willingness to actually write things down), then they should help in a way that LEAVES ME IN CONTROL.

I suspect that the reason why most wheelchair users, crutch users etc. hate having people invade their space to force their "assitance" upon them is in part simply because of the control issue (I would be interested in hearing from people with more direct experience with this). But, yes, I can certainly see where the invasion of personal space, particularly when it involves actual physical contact either with one's body or with one's mobility device (chair, crutch, etc.), would be even more creepy just because of that dimension alone.

Then, another dimension is that many people don't realize that some of the things they do to "help" a person with mobility impairments can actually end up seriously injuring them if it's done improperly. And the exact proper versus improper approach (read, "safe" versus "very very unsafe") may be completely different depending on exactly why a person's mobility is impaired: the needs of someone with cerebral palsy, say, may be extremely different to the needs of someone with MS. Something totally safe and even necessary for one person may be extremely dangerous for another, and vice versa. And even two people with the exact same diagnostic label may STILL have completely different needs simply because their condition expresses itself differently.

Cynthia said...

This was really good to lighten the mood. Thanks Dave!

Cynthia needs:

to lighten up about saying her name

needs is a serious make-over and a new hairdresser

needs to stop being a brat

needs support NOW

needs to learn how to wear clothes that don't drown her

needs to do something other than work

needs to be allowed to get on with the rest of her life.

Cynthia needs to play to her strength and return to daytime drama

Cynthia needs a wheelchair for mobility

My favorite:
Cynthia needs to be rescued from the octopus

Anonymous said...

Sorry I am late! What fun I miss in one day!!

Kimberley needs...a comprehensive plan from the environmental minister???

Anonymous said...

Scot needs "to wake up and find his balls!"

Awoke and am still searching!!!

Anonymous said...

Ok, I don't have any clue what it means, either literally, lyrically or karma-ically, but i humbly nominate it for a good laugh:

"JANET needs to be terminated on a nearby JANET backbone node to avoid complications."


Dave Hingsburger said...

And the winners are ... I had someone else go through them and pick out the one's they thought funniest ... I know some of you and didn't want to make a biased choice ... so ... here were the choices, in no particular order -

Amy needs another cocktail before facing the police.

Scot needs to wake up and find his balls.

Cynthia needs to be rescued from the octopus.

Would these three folks send me their addresses via my email (see my profile) and I'll have the books sent out.

Thanks folks, I had so much fun reading these.

Ettina said...

I tried searching for 'Ettina needs' but got mostly stuff *I'd* written. So here is what I found under my real name, with my real name replaced by 'Ettina'.

Ettina needs some help.
Ettina needs a behavior modification approach to deal with some residual effects and strong-willedness.
Ettina needs you BAD.
Ettina needs to improve.
Ettina needs boost after relative's death.
Ettina needs rhinoplasty surgery.
Ettina needs a strong manly shoulder to lean on.
Ettina needs a soundproofed home to protect her.
Ettina needs to be less annoying.
Ettina needs a committed, permanent family to meet her needs today and in the future.
Ettina needs to be by his side as well.
Ettina needs a family who can help her strive to participate in structured recreational and social activities, which are designed to improve peer relations.