Monday, July 28, 2008

If I can make it there ...

Truth to tell, the move was quite demoralizing for me. I found myself feeling useless and in the way. No one made me feel this way ... the worst punishment comes from within. I had to sit in my wheelchair and watch others pick up my stuff and move it. They were all quick and efficient and so very very able bodied.

I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't know where to hide. They were going in each and every room hauling out boxes and furnature and bits of this and lots of that. So I just sat and grinned and made a comment or two - keeping spirits light. While they fought to get our stuff to fit in the truck, I fought depression from taking over. I felt well and truly disabled.

And I didn't like it.

The self pity hangover lasted for more days than you would imagine. Even though on Monday I was back at work, back doing things of value, doing things independantly. The fact that I hadn't moved a single thing, carted a single box, grew in my mind. It was like everything I could do was hidden by the shadow of the things that I can't do. Like move boxes and lift furnature.

I was feeling a wee bet better by the weekend. Time does heal. I had managed to push most of that feeling of inadequacy (when I say inadequacy, I mean the dibilitating sense of not being equal to your own life) to the back of my mind. Things changed this morning. Big time.

I got up early because I wanted to get organized for the day. And besides, I get up early. We need to arrange with the hotel for our car to be brought round they need 45 minutes to be able to get it for you. You see I'm lecturing today in New York City.

Yeah, Baby.

New York City.

Cripple takes bite of Big Apple!

As we drove in yesterday and inched our way across the island towards the hotel, our car being constantly swarmed by tourists, I realized ... Who really, really, gives a shit about boxes. I'm lecturing in New York! Wheelchair and all.

Take that self esteem.


Belinda said...

Perspective...what a difference it makes; but sometimes it takes a while to arrive on the scene.

I'm glad that God arranged for such a perfect over-the-top high to follow that low.

Anonymous said...

Today is my big move day. Lots of last minute packing all weekend to get ready and I can associate to how you feel. Had to sit out several times and watch while I scrounged for supplies (which I had packed - stupid, stupid, stupid!!) to treat 1.4, 1.6, 1.8 sugars. I can't even tell people where to put things because I think my mind is in New York, in the middle of times square and my body in Alaska. Now Where did I put those swedish berries!
see you when you get back. LOL MDN

Kei said...

A trip to NYC can sure bolster the spirit! Have a great time!

lina said...

Wow - NYC - WOW!
what an amazing journey you are on!
Do enjoy and do tell us all about it.

FAB said...

That's right, who gives a shit about boxes! Changing attitudes is like moving mountains and you move those with your pinky finger!

Enjoy your bite off the big apple!

Anonymous said...

You may not have the ability to carry boxes up stairs, but you have been given such a greater gift. The power to use your words to inspire change in others and to make this world a better place for people of all abilities. Knowing that you are out there leading this fight and lending your voice gives me courage to stand up and do the same.

Unity is Strength
Knowledge is Power
Attitude is Everything

theknapper said...

Who would have thought when you worked at Glendale, that you'd be presenting in NEW YORK City!!!!! What a journey it's been & continues to be.

Gorgeous Circle said...

New York City LOVES Dave!!!The lecture today was amazing!!!

Cynthia said...

I'd wondered how you were doing with the move. Could not have been easy on you. But, you do so much so many others can't do. It is all how you look at it.
So cool to go to NYC!