Thursday, February 28, 2008

Mr. Freeze

It's cold here. "Government Cold Warning" cold. Yesterday morning I was off to get bloodwork done, it was a fasting test so I wanted to be at the lab first thing. As a diabetic I could feel my blood sugar dropping on the drive to the lab. Joe pulled the wheelchair out of the back of the car and I plopped down in it.

Oh no!

Really, oh no!

My skin, still slightly damp from the shower, froze to the metal. Like a kid licking a frozen rainpipe -- I felt immediately foolish. So, I pressed back thinking that I would be in the building and the chair would be warming soon. All that meant was that more of me froze to more of the chair. Great.

We waited in the line up, 5 other guys my age or older and the two of us. I quipped to Joe that years ago I used to line up to get into a bar and now I'm lining up at labs. The others laughed and we all agreed that aging was a bitch. I moved a bit in my chair and pain radiated from where I'd ripped away from the metal bar - I grimaced and one of the guys asked if I was OK. What was I supposed to say, "Yeah, I'm fine but my ass is frozen to the wheelchair." So I just said I was fine.

The dainty lady at the lab, called out my name and slapped a plastic bottle on the counter saying, "Dave Hingsburger, we need a urine sample." Someone kisses that mouth, I thought, but said, "Um, I've got mine here in my wheelchair bag." I handed it to her and she barely glanced up as she put my pee on the side of the counter. Then I grimaced again, as the freezing seemed to be getting worse. "You alright?"

I realized that I was so cold in the chair that my whole body was reacting. My genitals were in retreat and I'm surprised I didn't sound like Minnie Mouse when I said, "I'm fine, really, I'm fine." By the time we left the wheelchair had warmed up and released it's hold on me. I haven't looked but there's a few inches of skin that feel very tender, I wonder if there's a mark. There's a battle wound that will be interesting to explain.

So, right now my wheelchair is out of the car and in the front room. It looks at me and laughs as I pass by.

Which is really the only thing to do in the situation.


Anonymous said...

Ooooh Dave, hilarious and painful, all at the same time!

Hope the tender areas heal asap (you're probably better off not looking).

I do hope, as a "down under" Aussie, to experience that kind of cold at least once in my life - but perhaps not on bare skin!

Belinda said...

Oh my goodness what a nightmarish, Twilight Zone experience. This is not the way to go, um, eventually.

Things we just wouldn't think of. It was funny, but seriously nasty!

Anonymous said...

Robert Latimer was granted day parloe.

Glenda Watson Hyatt said...

And that's another reason I avoid going out in the winter whenever possible!

Hope the tender area recovers soon.

Veralidaine said...

Ouch! Hope you're all right! Sounds like something that would happen to me if I had a wheelchair.

Unknown said...

Thank you for giving us this experience without having to experience it in reality!

Anonymous said...

Holy COW!! It sounds painful, yet I'm sorry to say, funny too.

I hope your tender parts heal up, and don't look. It will only hurt more. lol

FridaWrites said...

Owww, like the kid in a Christmas Story.