"Do you have to? All the time? Do you have to?"
We were in the midst of a full fledged fight. I'd like to call it an arguement but in fact it was a fight. I had just taken on a parking lot attendant who had refused to let us check and see if there was any disabled parking left - instead they were sending us to a lot blocks away. I won, we got in and found parking.
I could tell by the edge in Joe's voice that he was upset.
I thought he'd be glad, we were parking so much closer. It would be easier on him to because I need his help and he'd have had to push me a long way.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
Never ask "what's wrong" unless you are ready to hear it. Ready for a fight.
"Why can't you just leave things alone sometimes. Why do you always have to be so difficult? Over every little thing."
Joe is a nice guy. Doesn't like to cause problems. He likes to laugh. He is easy going. He doesn't take life too seriously. In other words he is so 'not me'.
So I got mad right back. That's always the best way to respond to criticism, I find.
"Because I have to. I've been like this my whole life. I don't like it when people don't listen to me. I don't like it when people don't bend."
"But you don't."
OK now I was mad. Really mad. We snitted at each other till we arrived at the meet point and waiting for our friends to arrive. We don't ever fight in front of others so we smiled when they got there and then minutes later we were both having fun, with them, with each other and we each knew the fight was over.
But it's three o'clock in the morning, I'm at the computer only because I need to shut it down. A storm is whirling about outside and the power is flickering on and off. I decided to try to write this blog before shutting the computer down.
Don't think about things at three in the morning. It's harder to self-delude at three in the morning. At three in the morning you might think that maybe sometimes you are 'in the wrong'.
So I think the best thing is just to quit writing. Tell myself that I'd better publish this now before the next power outage. Don't want to go too far into this 'do I use my disability sometimes to play the role of righteous victim' thinking. Don't want to tred that path.
Cause it's three o'clock in the morning and by seven, I'll be myself again.