Monday, March 26, 2007



Two movies in one weekend. Heaven.

"Teenage," "Mutant," "Ninja," are three adjectives that I never thought I'd see modifying the word "Turtles" but I'm thankful for that kind of creativeness. I've seen the three previous movies and there was no way I'd miss this one.

I was being pushed into the theatre and we waited patiently for the young woman to check the tickets of the family in front of us. She was noticable primarily because of her desire to not be noticed. She never looked up. Never looked anyone in the eyes. Her lack of self esteem radiated out from her. I always feel the desire to get up and hug someone like this but I never do, never would and understand that the desire is patronizing in a very deep way.

So when we got up to her I was the only one able to see her face because I was sitting in my chair. I noticed a small rose coloured birthmark, maybe the size of a dime, on her left cheek. She was beautiful, almost stunning actually, and the birthmark looked like it might have been left from God's peck on the cheek. It added to her beauty. Really.

But her face was down, she didn't look up.

I was deeply saddened.

How have we come to live in a world where a beautiful young woman can't cast her eyes in mine?

What messages about perfection and imperfection has she been given?

By whom.

So I watched a movie about how mutant turles save the world.

And all I could do was wish, somehow, that I could save her.


lina said...

What kind of world indeed, that does not recognize the amazing beauty in each individual. When will this change?

n. said...

some time last year we went to a movie where the ticket-seller also had either a birthmark or her face had been burned and healed really smoothly, but the affected areas were light while her original complexion was maybe cafe-con-leche. The shape of her face was very pretty, and i might not even have noticed that without her skin being... unusual. if i remember right, she did look us in the eyes. this post makes me wonder if she came out of a more supportive environment, to feel ok about her face. i hope so, and i wish the same in the future for the girl at your movie theatre.

Unknown said...

She might also have other reasons that have nothing to do with self-esteem for not looking people in the eye...

One would be that it's not unusual for a pretty shy girl to experience a lot of sexually-based bullying between ages 12 and 14. It can escalate to the point of grabbing privates, pinching, and rape threats without officials giving a flip. It can make her really uncomfortable at being noticed in any way, among other things.

The other reason is that a lot of Autistic people (even otherwise "passing" ones) don't make eye contact because of how uncomfortable it is. Also, our native body language is different from that of non-auties, so NAs end up thinking we're feeling a certain way when we aren't.

You likely are right, she probably is a non-autistic/nondisabled gal with damaged self-esteem... But considering how many women fit one or both explanations, I wanted to speak up. Especially since iirc the Auties you work with are usually visible, and might forget how many out there aren't easily recognized as what they are.

VioletYoshi said...

"How have we come to live in a world where a beautiful young woman, can't cast her eyes in mine?"

I was thinking, that sounds like something Brock from Pokemon would say. He's always trying to get a girlfriend, he acts actually girl-crazy. Yet he never finds one, and he's always spouting phrases like yours about the misery of never finding love.