Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Honey, Could You Sit Down for a Moment?

I know I shouldn't do this ... but ... we need to talk.

Yeah, I'm that kind of guy.

I even like to cuddle.

I've been finding recently that writing this blog is becoming a bit less rewarding because so few people bother to talk about what I write. I am entirely grateful for those who do comment and comment faithfully but when I see that over 400 people visited my blog and only four or five comment, I begin to think that my writing isn't worth comment and therefore isn't worth writing.

I'm a person who needs feedback.

I don't need thousands of comments but when I look at my blog at noon and there are only one or two comments I get dis-spirited. I don't even mind if you disagree or don't like what you read, I just want to feel that what I'm saying is being read, being thought about ... mattering.

So, I'm asking you folks to maybe think about commenting a bit more often about the posts written here. Gosh, that sounds pathetic even to me ... but I'm going to go ahead and post this anyways.

I feel a bit ... taken for granted.

I'll try and keep writing things that I think you might be interested in ... I'll try and keep things lively ... I'll try to even provoke you sometimes.

So, I'll do my part ...

Looking forward to your feedback ... today and over the next several weeks.

104 comments:

CT said...

You know, Dave, there is no way you could realize how often I think "wonder what Dave would say?" as I go about a normal day. Most recently it was curb cuts: crazy stretches of residential sidewalk without access! What were the planners thinking?

And don't get me started on idiocy of having sidewalk right next to road, so that the indentations in the curb for a car to exit must be cut through the sidewalk. Up and down, up and down, would be muder in a manual chair. Unnecessary to boot.

So ... I see these things now. I notice them. More importantly, I notice and think about and reflect on people.

Heidi said...

You're right! I read your blog every morning with coffee and toast and find it a good, reflective way to start my day - but...I don't often leave comments.Why don't I? I suppose I was overlooking the fact that we all need feedback, and that the feeling of "talking into a void" is more than a little unsettling -well, thanks for the reminder on the importance of feedback - that's the one I@ll be reflecting about today!!

Heidi

Katja said...

I can speak only for myself, but I'm less inclined to leave comments because I know you have a policy of not responding to them. That's all. I enjoy and look forward to reading your posts.

Heidi said...

You're right! I read your blog every morning with coffee and toast and find it a good, reflective way to start my day - but...I don't often leave comments.Why don't I? I suppose I was overlooking the fact that we all need feedback, and that the feeling of "talking into a void" is more than a little unsettling -well, thanks for the reminder on the importance of feedback - that's the one I@ll be reflecting about today!!

Heidi

Heidi said...

sorry for the double comment - not intentional - obviously just not that alert at 6.45 a.m! Apologies all.

Gretchen said...

I rarely comment on any of the blogs I read, simply because I struggle to get all the posts read, nevermind the comments! But I look forward to your posts ever day, and reading your blog has made a huge difference in how I look at the world.

It's always been a part of myself that I'm not particularly proud of that I see people with disabilities as "other". Especially given how important social justice is to me in so many other areas. Often I don't have anything to say when I read your posts, but reading them every day helps do the slow work of normalizing the experience of PWD in my mind. I could read lots of theory and rational arguments, but they just don't have the same gut-level effect.

B said...

I have the same thing - I write and write and no comments, but it says that people read it! I think it's like book or newspaper writing - we'd have no idea what most readers think, right?

Angelslake said...

Read you everyday... talk about it with everyone else... use the wisdom to take the message everywhere I go... so busy going forward with it that I forgot to leave behind appreciation. Sorry! Like one of the other comments, I too blog and no one ever comments. Luckily I'm not saying anything I particularly want anyone to read, just practising writing!! But Readers are the other half of writing... so YES! I read you and think hard about what you write. Thanks

Joyfulgirl said...

Thanks for posting this - you are right - I love reading your blog - and often think about the post you have written throughout the day (I am still rumminating on Ruby's school pick-up one!). I've gotten out of the habit of leaving a comment-if only to say thanks-and I'm not sure why. I have no problem with you not replying to comments - I am amazed you continue to write such high quality posts every day.

Eunice said...

Like CT, I very often think: 'Now what would Dave have to say about that!' Your blog does matter. Speaking for myself you are a point of reference on disability issues and your blog IS important!
You are one of the few bloggers I know that posts faithfully every day and I really look forward to seeing what's going on with you and reading your take on things. You are sensitive and reflect on things and write in a clear logical way. You are a thinker but also a doer and not afraid to speak up when you see something that needs to be changed. We need you Dave.

Why don't you get more comments? I am not very blog literate, it's mostly just trial and error, but I discovered recently that a lot of people who do not write blogs haven't a clue about leaving a comment. I have had numerous people tell me that they are unable to leave a comment on my blog and it would appear that they get stuck at 'choose an identity'. Something to think about.

I only have 7 'followers' on my blog and precious few comments ever, so I think you should be proud of your blog and realize even from the number of people reading that you are doing somthing important for a lot of people.

Also, from my own perspective, I don't feel I am very good at putting my ideas down very quickly, so unless I have something important to comment I don't usually say anything. And, if I see that someone else has said what I would have said, I am unlikely to jump in with the same comment. Would be good to have the kind of 'Like' button you find on Facebook - takes one nanosecond to express your approval!

Another consideration, if you see the blogspot as something like a conversation that you initiate, there may be people reading your blog who would have a lot to say to you but have no way of starting the discussion because blogs don't work like that. Please see my last post addressed to you on: www.halfwaytogorgeousness.blogspot.com

Eunice Gordon
(in Italy)

Anonymous said...

If I commented every day it would feel silly, because all I would be saying generally is this is a great post thank you!

Rachael said...

I have you on RSS feed, so I probably don't even show up as one of your 400. But I read it everyday - it usually shows up just before bedtime for me (in New Zealand). I've forwarded some of your posts to thoughtful friends, and undoubtedly quoted you in conversations. I'm not much of a comment person - unless I think I have something new to add to the conversation. And often not even then. I'll keep an eye out for those times and try to act on them more!

coffeetalk said...

You're right, Dave. It must seem that we're not interested, when in fact the opposite is true. You share your experiences and perspectives and more often than not it gives me food for thought through my day. You are the first place I go in the day. I have typed out a comment more times than not, and deleted it thinking "What does he care what I have to say?". I value your blog and will share my thoughts on your thoughts more often.

northlighthero said...

Usually I don't comment because I'm pretty sure I'll say something mildly irrelevant, at tremendous length, and my comments will just be an intrusion, or a reason for the reader to stop bothering with the rest of the comments for today.

But as to you wondering if what you're saying has value, here are some things that have stuck with me, that I take into the world of committee meetings and resource allocation and 'why we don't really need our building to be more barrier-free' conversations (sheesh):

Everyone has the right to five extra minutes to think.

Everyone has the right to be heard, and to be given the space to say what they need to say.

Just because a bathroom meets some of the dimensional specs for ADA-compliant (US) doesn't mean it will actually be useable by a wheelchair rider.

Just because most of the people at the meeting are sighted doesn't mean the organizers can depend on a flipchart.

What are we teaching our children when we allow their classmates to 'other' their friends?

What are we teaching our children when we don't speak up about teachers who say things that are racist, sexist, ablist?

The best part of many jobs is the human interaction. Why would this be less true for a person with cognitive disabilities? So what kind of TAB would be disrespectful to a person with DS who is bagging groceries, smiling, and participating in the conversation?

What kind of business can afford to alienate its customers? Which of its customers should it consider 'unimportant' or 'inconvenient'?

What's the best reply when someone requests accommodation that is a) not present and b) clearly needed?

... I could go on. These are just the ones from this month.

Wishing you plenty of love, light and laughter in all you do -- and write

Dave Hingsburger said...

Well, this was a surprise! I slept late today because I got to bed late - I figured that a few people would respond to my call for comments but was taken aback by the number. I understand what Katja was saying about my not responding to comments. It's now not so much a policy as an issue of time. I read every single comment, sometimes the comments have changed my mind or opinion, sometimes I've learned from them, sometimes I'm encouraged or challenged by them. But the focus of writing a blog every day plus the need to both work at work and manage a relationship in the real world - leaves me less time than I'd like. So it may seem, by my lack of response that I don't care about comments or feedback. I guess this post is my way of saying, 'I need feedback' and 'I need encouragement' ... I need some way of keeping the focus of writing something daily - a sense that it matters does that. I certainly don't expect people to respond every day to every post ... you have lives and jobs and families too. So my intent isn't to pressure you but to encourage you to say something every now and then. Anyways, thanks for the tremendous response, even before it is light out!

Anonymous said...

Dave......ops Sorry!
I am a big follower of your blog but I sometimes read a few posts in one day.....depending on how busy life is here. I feel its often too late to reply!
I often don't comment cos I need time to process what you are writing about...I'm a 'head' person!
By that I mean I have to take in what you are saying and see if it resonates with my beliefs or experiences.

Recently I found myself telling my sister what you have been writing about.
A case in point was your recent blog about Advocacy.
It was very relevent to us cos I am her advocate within the medical system here in Ireland as she is getting her cancer treatment. Found that post very interesting and relevant.

Dave, I'm saying I am sorry, I understand how you feel and promise to make amends by commenting more often.
Thanks for reminding me communication is a two way thing!

love LinMac ( Linda in Dublin)
BTW....no sign of the sweets yet! Its Lucas 8th birthday on Friday....I have a feeling they will be here before then.
Will let you know when they arrive.

Anonymous said...

I'm glad we had this talk. I guess that I'd comment more, but I always found myself saying the same things. I'm either cheering you on or commending you for your work and being so brave in one of your many struggles. Maybe some of the problem is our hero worship of you, Dave. Also, while you mightn't get as many comments as you like, can you believe how many people have come to read your blog daily? Impressive!

Anonymous said...

Dear Dave,
I read this blog everyday, never drank a cuppa coffee in my life, but wake up with you every morning....oops, 'scuse me Joe.... I comment often as anonymous because I know people in my field read this too everyday and don't want to be harrangued daily by MY comments - cowardly, but true. Kind of like cheering Rosa Parks from my Bently, huh? I'm so sorry.
You have an impact not only on me, but on all the people I serve as I use what I learn on here to help them. Maybe I just need to go see the wizard for some courage.....
Thanks dave.

Alison Cummins said...

Your blog is the most important thing I read every day.

Belinda said...

I found this post a powerful example of how to ask for what you need and to be brave enough to say that you do need--something I find hard to admit sometimes. Any blogger lives or dies by comments if they are honest (maybe a slight exaggeration, but only slight.) We live to please or challenge or inspire. When we hit the sweet spot it makes it all worth it! :)

Anonymous said...

I have read your blog every day since last year's summer school. The only reason I don't comment is because someone usually posts exactly what I would have written (I'm not very original, I know). I understand the need for feedback though, so I will try to come up with an original thought of my own once in a while, ha ha. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences-good & bad-with us (I especially love reading your Ruby stories)! (from the NOTporn-surfing-whiteboard-destroyer) -8}

jypsy said...

Count me as a daily appreciative reader. Like Rachael I read you in a reader so I mostly don't even show up in your stats. Like Anonymous before her "all I would be saying generally is this is a great post thank you!" Just yesterday I (again) sent a link to one of your posts in reply to someone's question.
I appreciate your commitment to blogging *every day* and I look forward to seeing more videos. Thank you for sharing your words, thoughts & experiences Dave. Hi to Joe and high fives to Rudy.

D. said...

I'm sorry.

Mostly I don't comment because it would usually be "This is soooooooooooooooo true," and usually I just link, as you've said it better than I could.

I'll try to remember to make more noise (just so long as you don't think it's mice).

Anonymous said...

Hello Dave,
I read your post every weekday that I am able (on Monday's I catch up from the weekend). Your blog is the ONLY one I read! You are such an inspiration to me! I work for individuals with IDD. The resulting thoughts and feelings that your posts create for me inspire me to be a better advocate for those I serve. I shamefully admit that this is the first time I have commented and for that I am truly sorry! Please know (and believe) that you, your thoughts and perspectives are valued more than I can express. I too am a people watcher and learn a lot by what I see and hear, but your ability to put what you see into words for others to learn by amazes me (I never was very good at this writing). Bottom line Dave, THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!

stephanie said...

Ask and you shall receive! Maybe I'll try this on my blog too!
I found reading your comments to this post really interesting, because I too wonder why I don't get more comments. But then there are times that i read blogs and don't leave comments, whether it be for a lack of time or a lack of words. Sometimes I feel like I can't write what really comes to mind, for whatever reason. But at least you know people are reading and they like what they're reading!!!!

Kristin said...

All I can say is I am so glad you do write...and it isn't just you who has a low comment to reader ratio. I've noticed that on my blog too.

Anonymous said...

I love reading your blog Dave! Your posts always make me think and inspire me. I usually read while I'm on the run, so it's been hard for me to comment... but I should have taken a moment to say this earlier!! Thank you!!

Ellen said...

Dave,

Yours is my only "must read" blog. I often start writing a comment and then delete it. Sometimes it's because it's not that interesting. Sometimes it's because I can't put the time into writing a well thought out response, and I have felt that that's what your blog and its commenters deserve. The responses you do get are often as though provoking as your posts.

I will comment more, even if it's only a "Thank you" or "I agree 100%".

Martha said...

Hi Dave! Even though I don't leave comments on a regular basis, I do talk about your blog often with other people. It has been a regular conversation topic at Daybreak and is now a part of my social work classes in Saskatchewan. I always enjoy reading your blog in the morning. I would be very upset if you ever stop writing!
Martha

zena16505 said...

Dave thank you for writing this wonderful blog!! I read it everyday and sometimes twice.. You are a very honest and down to earth guy. I cannot wait until you come to Butler, Pennsylvania in June. Thank you for all the wonderful posts!
Jessica

liz said...

I generally don't comment unless I feel like I have something to add to the discussion. But I do read you every day. And send people to you.

Kimberly said...

I gave birth to a child with Down syndrome in March of 2009. I found your blog short after and proceded to read all your back entries and started reading your blog daily. I have not commented on your blog because it felt too personal to do so in the past. Often, what you have written has affected me enough that I have linked to your blog from my facebook or to one of the Ds communities I belong to. I guess I felt more comfortable discussing how you affect me with my friends and mothers like me.

One of your posts that I often think of for all three of my girls is the one that speaks of a young lady with Ds that was taught to think of the meaning of the rules and whether or not they were one of the big rules you must follow or one of the other rules that may or may not have a good reason behind them. My oldest is not quite three and I am already seeing the consequences of deciding to follow this advice. One of the therapists my middle daughter sees said that I might have some issues when I had to deal with the school because 'you are not exactly bringing your girls up to be conformists' and I thought of you and how it may be more difficult, but it is worth it.

Anonymous said...

Hi, Dave

Just a quick note to say, I read and think even if I can't always comment or can't always think of something to say

Andrea S

Betsy said...

Dave, I read your blog every day without fail! Even if I have just two minutes to pop on to check my email, your blog is part of that routine. Like so many others, I often have "WWDD" moments throughout my day.

I love the mix of lessons, and life-sharing your blog brings. Some days, I leave with much to think about; with another perspective or something to contemplate. Other days, I leave with a smile on my face because you've posted a sweet picture of Ruby or Sadie.

Every day, I leave with a deep respect for you, and a knowledge that this world is a little better because you are in it.

Betsy

Liz said...

Another appreciative reader here. Your blog, and my friendship with a family with a child in a power chair, have given me a whole new outlook on the world, and I am humbled that it wasn't one I already had.

So many of your posts are beautifully complete in and of themselves -- introduction, story, moral of the story -- that to comment feels superfluous. I learn from them, but I don't quite know how to engage with them. I will work on it, though -- I hate to think that you find this blog less interesting and rewarding than your readership does.

Thank you for all you do.

Anonymous said...

You are the first thing I read on my computer each morning. I work for Community Living and your words definitely help to refresh my commitment daily to provide the best service I can. YOU ARE APPRECIATED and have made a difference in lives you don't even know about.

clairesmum said...

Dave - Your blog is the one I read first every day, even before checking my own email. I have commented in the past, inadvertently raised a lot of hackles in one comment and that left me very shy for a while. I'm not always sure my voice and my words are welcome in the world (my issue, not yours.)I have learned a lot about writing, disability, individual and group behavior, my own self, and all kinds of other stuff while reading. Your willingness and ability to share parts of your life with any and all who read here is a great gift to us. Thanks.

Amanda Forest Vivian said...

aw I'm sorry. I love your blog and it's had a big effect on me.

In my defense though I feel like you rarely answer comments so that's one reason I don't comment.

Amy said...

I'm guilty of reading and not commenting, Dave...and I'm sorry. No excuses, just time constraints, but your blog is by far the thing I most look forward to reading every morning. My morning cup of tea wouldn't be the same without you!

MoonDog said...

Im sorry you are feeling taken advantage of! I read faithfully but with ten kids under my roof now and TWO in full leg casts on both legs and flying to philadelphia for medical care and driving all over the state for the other kids medical care I dont comment much on anyone's blog. even when I think "I should say x. Ill do that later" I never quite get to it. I'll try harder.

Anonymous said...

Honey, I love rolling around in your head! Don't stop! And I promise to comment occasionally. Faithful reader, Maggie

Brenda said...

It's not pathetic, Dave. It's honest. Which is one of the many reasons I read your writings on a daily basis. I should tell you that you are a part of my breakfast. Each morning I have my cereal, my coffee, my OJ, and my Dave. Then, if I'm not too tired or busy, I sometimes read other blogs, but I always start with yours. I can't speak for others, but for my part the reasons I don't comment are usually either a) that several folks have already said exactly what I wanted to say, or b) you've put forth an idea so accurately and with such bang-on prose that I feel that any comment on my part would not contribute to the point you've just made, or c) the topic of the day is so out of my range of experience, that there is nothing I could say to add to the discussion in any intelligent manner.

I believe it is a mark of confidence and maturity to be brave enough to ask for what you want. Bravo! Please don't stop writing. You inform, provoke thought, and often provide a delicious giggle. (That's me asking for what I want!) I'll try to comment more often, even if only a word or two, and please keep providing me with something to comment on. Deal? My mornings just wouldn't be the same without you! :)

Dave Hingsburger said...

Hey, just read all the comments, thanks. I hope my blog didn't come across as my thinking of stopping writing ... that's not the case at all. I do have days where finding something to say is more difficult than others but I can't imagine not processing my day here on the blog. Thanks again folks.

Jeannette said...

I agree with most of the other comments, particularly Alison. Your blog is the most important part of my day (online, at least).

Most days, I read what you say, and my breathing has changed.

My life has changed because of you and what you say. My awareness is heightened, and my reaction to people has changed, albeit subtly. I don't think I was a rude or unfeeling person before I started reading your blog, but I think I'm a better person now.

Some of us are shy about standing up and saying things. It doesn't take a disability to worry about the reactions of others.

I'll try harder.
And thank you.
Thank you for being there.
Thank you for putting it all -- or largely all -- out there.
Thank you for increasing the amount of love in the world.

leighbe72 said...

I hope you will continue with your blog. I don't get to read it everyday. However, when I do, I usually find something thought provoking to help me in my struggle(and it is a struggle) to improve the lives of people with cognitive disabilities. I don't usually comment but I do take what you say to heart. I appreciate your taking the time to share your self with all of us.

amanda said...

Hi,

I've read your blog for a long time now, my sister works at Vita and she told me about it. I don't know that I have ever commented, but what I have read stays with me and influences my thoughts and considerations. Quite often, I find myself thinking about issues that you have brought up, as I move through my day. I am very grateful for the awareness I receive from reading your blog, awareness and knowledge that I pass onto my children.

Thanks for writing your blog, it is important to me, and I will make an effort to let you know that more often :)

Amanda

Marianne said...

I do appreciate your blog and want you to feel that appreciation. For what it's worth, blogs I've seen with vibrant comments sections have some or all of the following:

- active cross-promotion on other blogs

- very active moderation (to get rid of spam, but also derailing, hateful comments and even well-intentioned people who can't yet engage in a conversation without being hurtful). In blogs about oppression I find this to be very necessary, otherwise once commenting and linking increases, so much space is taken up by retreading basic claims and arguing against hate

- proposed discussion topics/questions - intended to foster discussion. Your posts are beautiful and tend to read to me as self-contained

- participation by the author. I completely understand your reluctance to do this, but I haven't really read any blogs that get more than a handful of comments without the presence and response of the author in the comments section

All of these things take a lot of time and effort on the part of the blogger, and are part of a slightly different project than you're engaged in. I do think you touch people, and I hope that you can get the feedback you need to continue

Colleen said...

Dear Dave:

I read your blog every day and love it. I love your powerful insights, the way you tell a story, and the way that you do not hold the punches or let us off the hook - your unblinking honesty. So I have to apologize to you for not sending regular feedback. After reading this post I can see how important the feedback would be to any blogger really. You always give me food for thought - I promise to let you know that.

Colleen

BE said...

Even though I don't comment, I rely on your blog every morning to give me perspective and hope on life, career, disability and working with individuals with disabilities. Even though I've been working with individuals with developmental disabilities for over 20 years sometimes I forget, especially when dealing with more funding cuts, regulations, rules, surveys, etc., why I started doing what I do as a career choice. Your blog helps me remember on a daily basis. PS - I ADORE your blogs about Ruby! She's definitely a prized gem.

Keep up the good work and, I'll try to be brave and comment.

Anonymous said...

Oh, Dave, I'm coming to the rescue! Ever since I met you at a spring workshop here on the "Island " ( and you graciously signed some books for me! ), I have been following your Blog almost on a daily basis.
I have worked in the field of abilities and challenges for over thirty years and find your advice, insight, wisdom and humour to be very grounding.
I love how visual your stories become! Keep up the great work,now that I know how to "comment" - I will..Say "Hi" to Ruby and Joe for me.

Fun Mum said...

A funny... I have a 5 y.o. daughter so always read your Ruby anedcotes with interest and amusement. I also have a 14 y.o. with Down syndrome, oh, and don't forget the poor-old-ham-in-the-sandwich, 12 y.o brother.

I've become very aware of accessible parking spots, and since talking about it with Miss 5, I can't take her ANYWHERE without her identifying all of the accessible spots AND checking to see if the cars have a legitimate tag in the window. I'm waiting for the day she decides to chew someone out for parking in an accessible spot without a tag. Heaven help that person!

Love your blog, has opened my eyes to much. I also recently subscribed to Exceptional Family and can't wait for your articles.

Jannalou said...

I also read in a Reader. When one of your posts really strikes me, I share the link on Facebook. So you may get extra readers on those days - and they probably don't comment, either.

Maybe I'll start commenting whenever I share on Facebook, just so you know. :)

Anonymous said...

Dave - I read your blog first thing every day when I get to work. I have gone back and read every posting in your archives. My day is incomplete without a dose of your wit, wisdom, and insight. I have taken to copying portions, or sometimes the entire daily blog, into a separate document in order to make it easier to save your words that I really want to hold on to. Those favorite tidbits are now over 25 pages long! (don't worry- for my personal reference- would not dream of reproducing it.) We love you, and thanks for all you do.
DB

Princeton Posse said...

Dave, I may not comment often, but I am thinking and absorbing! Keep doing what you do so well. Too bad you can't hear the wheels grinding...

AkMom said...

I read every day, I live at the other end of the time zone chart, so I get to read your late night posts early in the evening....Huh?? :~)

I definitely hear you, I love your stories or dislike what has been done to you/your fellow 'man'.

I don't always comment because to me a blog is a journal is personal. Would I comment if I'd read your diary?

I have commented occasionally, and still will, but if you'd like, I will say hi every day!

Take care, Dave, you are amazing and Joe is lucky to have you.

Jan said...

One would think that if you took the time, insight and energy to write daily, we, your readers could respond at least once in awhile. I plead guilty to being a non responder most of the time. That said, since I have become dependent on a power scooter, I am a devoted reader and realize daily the path you are blazing for us. And I thank you. I read your words, then I realize first hand what you are talking about. Your writing grabs me every day and every day, it teaches me. I thank you.

Lauren said...

I think, at least for me, I don't leave comments for the exact same reason. We all have the same insecurities. But the fact that you have such a high readership means that your writing is definitely worth while!

Susan said...

I read my Bible (God's blog), visit Belindaland, and then Rolling Around... every day. I also try to read a bit of Henri Nouwen.

So you're in pretty darn good company! God, Belinda, and Henri.

And so am I - except there's a lot more of us out here in "no-comment-land", so I actually have a lot more company than you do. (What's that you're mumbling about quantity and quality? oh. That's what I thought you said. :) )

Molly1413 said...

Read your blog everyday :-)

lisa said...

Sorry about the no commenting, I think it's because I now read you on an RSS feed which seems less immediate somehow. I am sure it would get depressing throwing your blog into no-reply land!

Anonymous said...

Dave, I am inspired by your insightful writing, on a daily basis. I usually choose not to comment on your posts because I am a bit self conscious of my own writing. Even in an anonymous forum I find it difficult to express myself. It has absolutely nothing to do with the importance of what you have to say. I don't think you would have 400 guests reading your blog in a day if what you write about didn't have an impact on people.
Regardless, I will make more of an effort to drop a line from time to time. I do understand that need for feedback.
Thank you for all you do!

-R

Lianna said...

I do read your blog, and have been positively moved many times by your insights. I don't comment often but if you saw me, you'd see my head bobbing along, agreeing with most of the comments left for you.

You may not feel or see the immediate effects of your work, but they are there, believe me. I am slowly learning how to advocate for my son, and a lot of my progress is because of you and Louise Kinross from Bloorview Kids.

Everyone needs a Dave and Louise in their life!♥

Anonymous said...

Hey Dave,
I read your blog on my RSS every day, and at least a couple times a month I forward a post to a fellow mom-of-more-unique-than-average-kid. So I really do appreciate your writing and the work you do -- I'm just bad at giving feedback. Thanks for the nudge.

Katja said...

@Marianne - excellent analysis of the characteristics of actively commented on blogs! Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I read this blog every day! I even look forward to Mondays, when I get to read the posts from Saturday and Sunday as well as Monday on my morning coffee break! The topics are interesting, informative and inspirational, and sometimes just plain, old normal life. I have never commented before because I felt I never had anything of much substance to add to what you already said so well. Maybe less comments can be a good thing!

Anonymous said...

Dave, I read your blogs on a regular basis; just don't comment because I'm reading from work! You've moved me to tears many times and yesterday's blog spoke volumes to me. I have an "intellectually disabled", non-verbal grand-daughter who is very bright if one takes the time to know her. Unfortunately, people tend to overlook her while they readily acknowledge her younger brother. I agree with your gentleman, dignity, respect and acknowledgement is something we all deserve. It shouldn't have to be a "right", it should just be a common courtesy.

Jane Meyerding said...

I don't comment (often), but I do post the URLs for many of your blog entries to online lists (mostly made up of autistics). My only problem is holding back, not posting about your blog so often that people stop reading my messages!

Nan said...

REading you every day Dave, sometimes laughing, sometimes weeping, sometimes punching my fist in the air, but reading. Didn't want to always comment because then you might think that I didn't have a life! Will happily commnet tho! and send hugs.

Kristin said...

Hi, one of my professors assigned one of your blog posts as a reading about a month ago and I've been reading your blog every day since. I've never commented before just because I felt like I was new to the blog and not part of the existing blog community I guess. But I just want to tell you how much I look forward to reading your blog every day. As a special ed major who currently works with kids with disabilities, I find myself advocating for them and dealing with others' ignorance constantly. Your blog is so refreshing! Thanks for writing helpful, encouraging posts even when you don't feel appreciated!

little.birdy said...

Read daily, always good food for thought. Inspires me to fight harder for the kids with whom I work as an SLP. Currently wiped out from said kids and do not feel like using complete sentences. But keep on rocking.

coffeetalk said...

Ask and you shall receive! I knew from the first training I was at that you facilitated and I heard your "S#*t in my teeth" story that you were someone who could impart lots of wisdom on those of us trying daily to walk along side those affected with disabilities to live their lives. I remember commenting that I wish you were my neighbour! I hope your heart is warmed by what you read....mine is.

Molly said...

So a lot of times I read a blog and then I think things. and then I forget that the author of the blog can't read my mind. and I just don't comment.

And yes, I second CT. I am forever noticing things that need to be fixed. You're the little voice in my ear as I call in a broken automatic door, or make sure that the new sidewalk has curb cuts, or walk on the sidwalk but step off the curb so I don't block the cuts for someone who needs it.


The other day I was at a light. It was red, and then suddenly it wasn't. In the few seconds between red and green, a woman in a wheelchair started across the road in front of my car. The sign said don't walk, but she clearly thought she had time to make it before the light changed. She looked up at the light, looked at me and mouthed "Sorry!" I waved at her and said "Don't be! Go ahead!" as she crossed. I held my breath for the honking.

No one honked. Everyone just waited until she crossed and then went on their way. Score one for humanity.

The Untoward Lady said...

Don't feel irrelevant, Dave, you're one of my favorite bloggers. And what you do does make me think and comment!

But to be honest I know what you mean, I wish people would comment more about what I write, too.

Oh, and *cuddles*

Tamara said...

Lol - I can't believe I missed this this morning. By the time I got here there were 73 comments! Wow!

I really do read your blog almost every day, and I always am nodding my head in agreement or having an ah-ha moment - and I probably post a link on facebook more times than I comment.

I'll do better!

ivanova said...

I read your blog every day, but I rarely leave a comment. I hate leaving comments on blogs. I do it anyway, but it makes me queasy. This is because I'm shy and have an over-developed sense of privacy. I wonder if this is true of a lot of your readership. I am *least* likely to post a comment if I completely agree with your post, because then I feel like I have nothing to say!

Moose said...

OK, at the risk of pissing you and your adoring fans off:

Do you write because you want people to go, "Oh, Dave, you're so AWESOME!" or do you write because you have something to say?

If it's the former, which is what this post sounds like, I'll move along.

If it's the latter, which is what every other one of your posts sounds like, I'll keep reading.

I write about a lot of things: feminism, sexism, disabilities, being fat, among them. If I get 2-3 comments on a post I'm *overjoyed*. [I'm even more excited if they actually got my point.]

You've won awards for your writing, you're well known in your field. Maybe you should stop sounding like you are looking for ways to pat yourself on the back.

Yes, it's nice to be recognized, but if it's become that important maybe you need to step back and think about just why you're writing here.

Dave Hingsburger said...

I'm just going off to bed, wanted to pop back in and thank people for their comments. Moose, I was concerned about publishing that post, I felt that I was making myself quite vulnerable. But I believe that if you need something, ask for it, people don't know. I don't ask people to comment for praise - or pats on the back - I just need feedback of some kind. We all have things we need and we can either suffer in silence or we can boldly ask. I think asking is better. All that said I appreciate everyone's remarks, I understand people's concerns about my lack of responding to posts, I'm going to try to be more present here in the comment section, as I've done today. But now ... bedtime ... I'm up late again ... going to bed when it's dark ... oooooh scary!

Trish said...

I love you, Dave, and I love your blog. I read every single post, no matter how many unread posts are in my Google Reader.

I am terrible about clicking through and commenting on anyone's blog most of the time, but please know I am always out there reading and learning from what you share.

Thanks for being so open and for the reminder that we all need to know whether we are making a difference in anyone's life.

Anonymous said...

Nothing to say but thank you. I look for your wise words every day.

Anonymous said...

Dave, I've been meaning to tell you about a young man I met. Someone had gotten mad at him for using the R word, but didn't explain what she was so upset about.

The young man had some pretty severe issues of his own had had gotten in trouble several times over the weekend.

I sat down with him and explained WHY that R word was a problem and referred him to your site. It may not change his other problems, but maybe he will think a little more.

Thank you for being here for us.

Sharon

Anonymous said...

The wheeliecrone says -

Dave, I am an advocate for people with physical disability. I have physical and sensory disabilities, so I use a wheelchair and hearing aids. Some days, it seems that there just isn't anybody who "gets it" about disability. It is way past discouraging - making nice to some idiot of a politician who is gratuitously disrespectful of me and my constituents, just so I can look him/her in the eye and say something that needs to be said. And then hoping that the idiot has heard even a syllable of what I said. And often finding out later that they didn't listen, or that they misrepresented what I told them.

Reading your Blog is one of the things I do for therapy. It helps me so much to know that there are people in other countries (I am in Australia) who go through the same sort of nonsense every day that I go through, how they approach the nonsense and how they keep themselves whole.

Thank you, Dave.

Kate said...

I read and comment when something particularly touches me. Usually it has seemed to me that you get so many comments that if I come along and I'm like #20 or something it's almost like what's the point of posting, because it seems unlikely you will be heard. Also sometimes I read things a day late and same thing. I know it's time consuming, but I think if you engaged with readers a bit more, they'd be more likely to post. Try to acknowledge people by name when you can so they don't think they're commenting in a vacuum.

I do not think you need recognition so much as a sense of community - you want to know other people are out there, are connected to you, are *getting something* out of what you write. I do too for my blog. It's not an unnatural urge, and I applaud you for having the courage to ask.

Lately Ive been forgetting to check my blogs as much as I used to but I always enjoy your blog when I read it.

Arkanian said...

Hello,

As an able-bodied person, I feel like I have nothing to contribute, nor a voice to contribute with. I really want to say "Right on! Stick it to the (wo)man!" but then I feel like such an outsider. I, too, am sensitive, and I am afraid people would reply to my comment and say "What do YOU know about it? YOU have no idea." Which would be true.

You do pull me out of my self-centered world and make me more aware of things. For example, I am less likely to shop at a store or eat at a restaurant if I notice blatant inaccessibility. I protect/preserve disabled access when I can ("Let's sit over here so a wheelchair user can have that space"). I now *always* smile at and address directly *everyone* I meet, especially in my role as a client communicator, even if it seems the person may not be able to respond in kind. I now notice and appreciate the curb cuts that allow me to bike or even walk more easily, the buttons on doors that make it easier for me to carry things in and out, the chirping at the stoplight that tells me to stop fiddling with my phone and cross the street, I fight hate speech of all kinds when I hear it, and I can answer all the "jokes" with humanity and logic: "Why is there Braille on the keypads at the drive-up ATM?" Um, because maybe the blind person who needs assistance to do their banking doesn't have to allow someone else to know such personal things as their PIN or bank balance...

I do forward your works to people I think would benefit, and when I discuss things you bring up with friends or co-workers, I say "My friend Dave says" instead of the more accurate but creepy sounding "This guy who I stalk thru the internet says"... I hope you don't mind.

So, I hope that, even though my life challenges are less obvious to many (including me sometimes), I can still be a cape-wearing social justice warrior with the rest of you.

Now, the warm fuzzies:
I love you! You (and Joe) rock! Keep going! The world needs you! Ruby is SO BLESSED to have you in her life, AND all the people whose lives she touches will be the better for how you shape her life.

Arkanian said...

Hello,

As an able-bodied person, I feel like I have nothing to contribute, nor a voice to contribute with. I really want to say "Right on! Stick it to the (wo)man!" but then I feel like such an outsider. I, too, am sensitive, and I am afraid people would reply to my comment and say "What do YOU know about it? YOU have no idea." Which would be true.

You do pull me out of my self-centered world and make me more aware of things. For example, I am less likely to shop at a store or eat at a restaurant if I notice blatant inaccessibility. I protect/preserve disabled access when I can ("Let's sit over here so a wheelchair user can have that space"). I now *always* smile at and address directly *everyone* I meet, especially in my role as a client communicator, even if it seems the person may not be able to respond in kind. I now notice and appreciate the curb cuts that allow me to bike or even walk more easily, the buttons on doors that make it easier for me to carry things in and out, the chirping at the stoplight that tells me to stop fiddling with my phone and cross the street, I fight hate speech of all kinds when I hear it, and I can answer all the "jokes" with humanity and logic: "Why is there Braille on the keypads at the drive-up ATM?" Um, because maybe the blind person who needs assistance to do their banking doesn't have to allow someone else to know such personal things as their PIN or bank balance...

I do forward your works to people I think would benefit, and when I discuss things you bring up with friends or co-workers, I say "My friend Dave says" instead of the more accurate but creepy sounding "This guy who I stalk thru the internet says"... I hope you don't mind.

So, I hope that, even though my life challenges are less obvious to many (including me sometimes), I can still be a cape-wearing social justice warrior with the rest of you.

Now, the warm fuzzies:
I love you! You (and Joe) rock! Keep going! The world needs you! Ruby is SO BLESSED to have you in her life, AND all the people whose lives she touches will be the better for how you shape her life.

Arkanian said...

Hello,

As an able-bodied person, I feel like I have nothing to contribute, nor a voice to contribute with. I really want to say "Right on! Stick it to the (wo)man!" but then I feel like such an outsider. I, too, am sensitive, and I am afraid people would reply to my comment and say "What do YOU know about it? YOU have no idea." Which would be true.

You do pull me out of my self-centered world and make me more aware of things. For example, I am less likely to shop at a store or eat at a restaurant if I notice blatant inaccessibility. I protect/preserve disabled access when I can ("Let's sit over here so a wheelchair user can have that space"). I now *always* smile at and address directly *everyone* I meet, especially in my role as a client communicator, even if it seems the person may not be able to respond in kind. I now notice and appreciate the curb cuts that allow me to bike or even walk more easily, the buttons on doors that make it easier for me to carry things in and out, the chirping at the stoplight that tells me to stop fiddling with my phone and cross the street, I fight hate speech of all kinds when I hear it, and I can answer all the "jokes" with humanity and logic: "Why is there Braille on the keypads at the drive-up ATM?" Um, because maybe the blind person who needs assistance to do their banking doesn't have to allow someone else to know such personal things as their PIN or bank balance...

I do forward your works to people I think would benefit, and when I discuss things you bring up with friends or co-workers, I say "My friend Dave says" instead of the more accurate but creepy sounding "This guy who I stalk thru the internet says"... I hope you don't mind.

So, I hope that, even though my life challenges are less obvious to many (including me sometimes), I can still be a cape-wearing social justice warrior with the rest of you.

Now, the warm fuzzies:
I love you! You (and Joe) rock! Keep going! The world needs you! Ruby is SO BLESSED to have you in her life, AND all the people whose lives she touches will be the better for how you shape her life.

Dulcie said...

Hello,

As an able-bodied person, I feel like I have nothing to contribute, nor a voice to contribute with. I really want to say "Right on! Stick it to the (wo)man!" but then I feel like such an outsider. I, too, am sensitive, and I am afraid people would reply to my comment and say "What do YOU know about it? YOU have no idea." Which would be true.

You do pull me out of my self-centered world and make me more aware of things. For example, I am less likely to shop at a store or eat at a restaurant if I notice blatant inaccessibility. I protect/preserve disabled access when I can ("Let's sit over here so a wheelchair user can have that space"). I now *always* smile at and address directly *everyone* I meet, especially in my role as a client communicator, even if it seems the person may not be able to respond in kind. I now notice and appreciate the curb cuts that allow me to bike or even walk more easily, the buttons on doors that make it easier for me to carry things in and out, the chirping at the stoplight that tells me to stop fiddling with my phone and cross the street, I fight hate speech of all kinds when I hear it, and I can answer all the "jokes" with humanity and logic: "Why is there Braille on the keypads at the drive-up ATM?" Um, because maybe the blind person who needs assistance to do their banking doesn't have to allow someone else to know such personal things as their PIN or bank balance...

I do forward your works to people I think would benefit, and when I discuss things you bring up with friends or co-workers, I say "My friend Dave says" instead of the more accurate but creepy sounding "This guy who I stalk thru the internet says"... I hope you don't mind.

So, I hope that, even though my life challenges are less obvious to many (including me sometimes), I can still be a cape-wearing social justice warrior with the rest of you.

Now, the warm fuzzies:
I love you! You (and Joe) rock! Keep going! The world needs you! Ruby is SO BLESSED to have you in her life, AND all the people whose lives she touches will be the better for how you shape her life.

Don said...

RSS reader here. Never commented before, I want to say that I have everything in common with the other commenters who have nothing directly in common with you, but respect your actions, and enjoy your reports.

I suggest, that perhaps the next time you perceive that there's a certain emptiness, that you figure out how to operate an opinion poll post here on your blog and get a feel for how your readership sees an issue or what they thought about an experience of yours you may have related in a previous post.

Dave Hingsburger said...

thanks again to all who commented, I appreciated the ... wildly unexpected ... outpouring of support.

Spinningfishwife said...

I'm sorry! I'm a very regular reader but I think I've only ever left one or two comments. Why? Well, I'm not disabled, I don't have any family members with a disability or indeed any friends ditto. (Though I'm now asking myself...why this last?) So I don't feel I've got much to contribute and if I do think I might have something to say, I worry that it might sound wrong, or worse still patronising.

However I do find that reading your blog has broadened my horizon a little and made me think about a few things that otherwise I might not have. And to examine the way I'm bringing up my children and the values I'm trying to instill in them. I think these are two good reasons to continue reading your blog, don't you? You are a window into another world that. to my shame, I hadn't really noticed before.
I'd be sorry if you stopped writing. Please don't. I'll try and comment more, I promise!

Anonymous said...

I have had the pleasure of meeting you, several years ago, in Saskatoon. I have read your books and I read your blog almost every day. Your words, your sheer guts, and your ability to make me think about what my son needs, and who he needs me to be, have had an incredibly profound impact on my life, and on my son's life. I speak of you often, and as my friend prepares to open a group home, your name is the one I tell her, as the person they need to come in and train the staff and empower the individuals who will call this new house their home.
Never doubt the impact you have had on people you know, and people you have never et. It is considerable, it is important, and it is life long.

Kasie said...

I do comment on (and share your posts) regularly, unfortunately not to you. I will try to do better.
I do value your work very much! I learn from you and teach others as a result of following your writings. Thanks for all you do!
Love, love, love you David Hingsburger! What you do matters!

Emily said...

Dear Dave,
My littles are just that--little. There are days when it takes me three or four tries to get through a whole post. But always, no matter the topic, you bring a wave of love to my heart. Love for you and all you do for the rest of us with your words; love for all the folks out there advocating so that my children will have better opportunities; and especially love for these incredibly wonderful, crazy boys of mine.

I imagine that every person who follows your blog feels something similar to that. I'm glad, though, that you mentioned needing a response from us. I did take you for granted. I knew that no matter how many days went by before I got another chance to check out what you've been saying, you would follow through with something new to touch my soul.

I don't use the internet for pure entertainment...I use it to feel connected to others who are in similar situations (or at least understand, a little, what my life is like). I use it to reach out to a world where who I am and who my children are is just a given. I use it to fuel my own reserves, when times are rough.

I live in a very conservative, close-minded, rural area and I struggle every day to help others see the beauty to be had in any given day. I try and stay up-beat and show them that even if things can be a little harder, it doesn't mean it's worse. But, there are days that leave me drained; when my up-beat attitude gets a bit beat-up; when I just feel like yelling at (or worse, agreeing with) them

Those are the days I come here to hear what's been on your mind; to be reassured that as difficult as it is some days, there is always the potential to make it better. I don't want to take you for granted. I'd much rather just say, "Thank you, Dave, for helping the rest of us make it through one more day...the good, the bad, and the beautiful!"

Dora said...

I don't comment often because I usually just have a hard time getting through all my internet reading. (I often catch up with a week of your posts at a time.) If I can dash off a quick comment, I will, but your posts need more than a drive by.

One thing I've noticed in my blog reading is that posts that ask questions get lots more comments. Such as ending a post with, "What would you have done?" or "Do you agree, or did I overreact?" or "Have you ever experienced anything like this?" It really invites discussion.

Stephanie said...

Dave,

"So it may seem, by my lack of response that I don't care about comments or feedback. I guess this post is my way of saying, 'I need feedback' and 'I need encouragement' ... I need some way of keeping the focus of writing something daily - a sense that it matters does that."

I understand and appreciate your desire for comments--and I will try to comment more, because I do appreciate your writing.

But when I blog I do so to develop relationships that are deeper than the traditional writer/reader relationship (and I'm saying this as a professional writer). So, when I comment to your posts and get no response, as has happened in the past, my presence/participation feels unappreciated and unnecessary.

There are so many people who blog for marketing purposes only and such blogs always feel a bit empty--disconnected from the history & tradition of blogging. Your blog has great content, but lack of reciprocal comments can sometimes make it feel a bit disconnected.

It is a trade-off. Blogging, whether writing posts or writing comments, takes time and time is precious. Maybe choosing one day a week to exchange comments, instead of posting, would provide a better balance and help make for a deeper connection with your readers.

Louna said...

Hi Dave. For now, I've only be lurking on your blog. One of the reason is that I have sporadic Internet access and feel that I'm not adding much to the discussion if I'm commenting three days later. The other reason is that, as a rule, I only comment when I have something interesting to add to the discussion. I got into this habit because I mostly read highly frequented blogs that get a large amount of comments on every entry. However, I will make sure to get rid of this habit here and leave a comment once in a while. Even if it ends up being three days later.

Anonymous said...

Mr. Hinsburger, I work at an agency called Nova Center of the Ozarks, we have 12 ISL's and do community supports as well. I’m a QDDP or case manager if you will. I write to you because we have an avid follower of yours at our agency who reads your posts, I would say daily. Her name is Amy. The ones that I assume touch her most, she forwards to all of us. I read them every time I see one because it immediately gets me excited. I am always thrilled to hear what you have to say. This is the email I sent to Amy today after reading your blog..."Thank you for always sending these, I really enjoy reading them and I love the challenge it creates in me to do better." I then went directly to your site to see what else I could find refreshing per say...I saw this. It hurt my heart for you so I wanted you to know how here in Springfield, MO we do think about you, and wait for your wonderful thoughts. We went to a conference in March in St. Louis just to see you, and we are very excited for you to come near us again because we plan to attend.
-I just wanted you to know.
Stacy.

Cynthia F. said...

Dave, you've had such a profound effect on my life and thinking. Sometimes I don't comment because I'm reading on my phone, sometimes I don't comment because I don't have anything NEARLY as profound as you've written to say, sometimes I don't comment because I'm so lost in thought and reflection on what you write...but please know I'm always reading and nearly always moved! A bright light would go out if you stopped blogging.

Baba Yaga said...

I've been catching up on posts, and realised that one reason I don't comment, when I might, is that sometimes you tell a story which is complete in itself. Then, I may not even read comments, because I want to hold that completeness.

It's like the moment's silence after a particularly powerful musical performance: one doesn't want to collapse the spell, and so it stretches before someone punctures the silence by applauding. The difference, of course, is that that silence is loud and communicative. Silence on the internet is just silent.

Also, sometimes the response is a personal one *to* something personal, and it feels intrusive to clothe it in clumsy words and thrust it at you. That might be a little messed up, but it's another silence of response, rather than of non-response.

Anonymous said...

<3

Shan said...

OK, why don't I comment every time? Because often I find myself pissed off at your other commenters and I type a scathing remark, only to realise either
a) it's inappropriate; or
b) it's pointless.

Then I delete it and go have a cookie.

Shan said...

Whoa. Just read Dulcie and have to shout "AMEN" to this part:

As an able-bodied person, I feel like I have nothing to contribute, nor a voice to contribute with.

I wasn't going to mention this, myself, but it's a huge part of my silence.

C'est moi said...

I subscribe to your blog via Google Reader, and it's often evenings or weekends before I have an opportunity to read the posts. If you don't mind my two cents after the discussion's ended, I'll reply more often! I truly appreciate the insight you've given me into a world I know little of.

Thank you!
Elizabeth

Melissa M said...

I'm here nearly a month after your last comment, and that one reason I don't comment more often. I'm terribly late to the party.

I love, love, love your posts. They bounce around in my head and I'm so glad I found you.

But for some reason I thought of you as a 'big blogger'. And with the big bloggers, I feel less pressure to comment because I thought you already got so many, you wouldn't need mine.

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