I don't make New Years Resolutions.
But oddly. I'm making some new decisions. Delayed decisions but new ones nonetheless. Yesterday I wrote about an apology. This is something very different, but comes from a similar spirit.
An opportunity was offered to me through my position at work. In talking through the offer, I realized that I really wasn't the right mate for the opportunity. But I knew who was. Exactly who was.
A woman I have worked with for several years has really impressed me. Let's be clear that she was a pretty cool person at the get go, but over the time we've worked together, I've seen real growth, incredible maturity, and an ability to make good decisions. She has learned so much, represents herself, our team and Vita really well. I thought that I'd like to offer her the opportunity so set it all up. Confirmed that it was OK to make the offer with the person who called me - sorry for being a bit cryptic but I need to be.
Then I emailed this young woman and asked her to call me. She did. I informed her about the offer, told her I thought she was a good match, she said she was interested, I said great, we rung off. Perfectly pleasant.
But the call bothered me.
Why didn't I tell her that I made this connection for her because she has grown into a spectacular person. That I admire how she carries herself. That she constantly impresses me with her forward thinking. Why didn't I tell her? I really don't know. I didn't even know if it would matter all that much to her this bit of praise, no not praise, honest acknowledgement.
So, I called up may email and sent her a message. I told her how I felt and how impressed I was with her and that the reason I came to her was because of the fact that I admire who she has become. I paused for a long time before pushing the send button.
But I did.
And it mattered.
To both of us.
Two days and two new decisions. One to apologize when apology was necessary. One to be more forthcoming with positive sentiment. Both are about becoming a bit more authentic in my relationships with people. Both are about becoming a bit more authentic in my relationship with myself. This isn't about New Years. Something's happened somewhere in the lost regions of my heart. I'm not sure what it was, I'm not sure why it's happening now. But I kind of like it.
Maybe, at last, I'm growing up.