Sunday, October 04, 2009

a tale untold

Normally I write my blog before going to bed and then set Blogger up to automatically publish it. Last night, though, I couldn't do this. I sat in front of the screen for nearly an hour trying to figure out how to write what I wanted to write. I finally shut it down and gave up. Joe asked, 'Aren't you going to read me your blog?' It is our habit that I read him my blog just before going to bed. I told him that I didn't know how to write it. He said, 'I know, who would believe it?'

You see yesterday we, the two of us, were victims of such a wanton act of cruelty and meanness that it left us reeling. Stunned. Afterwards we sat together for nearly an hour without speaking. Each of us trying to understand, each in our own way, a specific, targetted, purposeful act of mean-spirited cruelty. Each of us was left wanting.

Throughout the whole of the rest of the day we revisited the event, tried to find an explanation for it. Each saying, 'I didn't do anything' as if 'doing something' would have explained it ... would have made us deserve it. Why is it that victims look at themselves to explain another's cruelty. Perhaps it's only right because I'm sure our tormentor blames us too ... simply for being. Maybe that's reason enough to hurt someone else.

I can't even tell you about it. I can't even begin to write down the events which have caused me such personal distress and pain. Partly because I simply don't trust my talent with words. Partly because I don't trust my objectivity in explaining it. Partly because, maybe and I'm sorry, I don't trust that you will entirely understand - and I need understanding more than anything.

So it will be, for now, a tale left untold.

But I now know, truly, that meanness has no cause but will. People will to be mean, people are cruel because they can be. I have never ascribed to the 'he was hurt by his mom' ... 'she was having a bad day' ... explanations of cruelty anyways. Now, I know that people who can, will, people who want to will take any opportuntity.

I am not always the innocent victim in my stories.

I am now.

Mean people suck.

23 comments:

Anonymous said...

yes, mean people suck...and even tho sometimes there is an explanation, there is never a justification...and there are people who enjoy causing pain to others.....I am sorry that you and Joe had such a painful experience....will keep you both in my thoughts

lisa said...

I am so sorry Dave and Joe. I am speechless.

Andrea S. said...

Whatever it was that happened ... I'm sorry that it did. It would be hard to think of two people who deserve meanness less than you and Joe.

Given the other kinds of cruelties you have managed to describe at this blog, whatever it was that leaves you speechless now I assume must be pretty big. (Or maybe just more random?) So for now, until and unless you find words to say more later on, that's all I really need to know to have an inkling of what you're going through. My thoughts will be with you and Joe.

Gary Miller said...

Dave, whatever was traumatic enough to stop you writing about it must have been an unbearable experience for both of you.

I certainly don't need to lecture you on the benefits of 'catharsis through writing'...one for the future maybe??

My thoughts are with you both...

Anonymous said...

Dave and Joe, I'm so sorry to hear that you came face to face with the ugly side of our world. I'm sending you a virtual hug..... I can only hope that it will help a little......

:o)

CJ said...

Now, I don't know what to write other than to say I'm so sorry you and Joe had to experience something so painful and UNNECESSARY.

Why people choose to be cruel, I will never know.

L. said...

Dave, I'm very new to this blog and I've never commented before. I feel like I'm still getting to know you, Joe, and the others in your lives. But I was so sad to read this entry. Whatever happened, I'm so sorry.

Brad said...

My thoughts are with you and Joe as you work through this. Yes, mean people suck.

wendy said...

I'm sorry you were hurt but someone else's needless cruelty. Mean people do, indeed, suck.

bhnicholas said...

I would like to think that one mean person in a sea of supporters couldn't bring us down. But isn't it amazing the effect those people have on others. How do we help each other rise above those so nasty? Perhaps one day in your now stapled robe will help and then hopefully tomorrow those who have come to support you and enjoy your positiveness will help you on your journey of recovery. Those people may win a battle or two but I can only hope the positive people will eventually win the war.

imfunnytoo said...

If it's made you distrust your written voice, it had to be awful.

Hugs to both you and Joe.

Anonymous said...

I hope that you and Joe are feeling better today and remember that there are more that respect and care for you than those that would cause you ill will

S.B. Killian said...

For Dave and Joe -

There have been several timess in my life, as well, where cruelty was visited upon me so viciously that all I could do was sit it out until the pain passed.

The staring, the bitchy words piercing my "outside" armor that I don whenever I go out, facing that outside and cruel world hurt me, as well, Dave. Seriously, I'm waiting someday to be spray-painted or something, it's become so seriously horrifying what we're up against when we don't fit into the rest of society - and I am SO sorry the two of you were treated with such cruelty and meanness...when it happens, my whole LIFE feels threatened...and I wish I could give both of you long, warm hugs to take you far from what must have been so hurtful as to stop your writing.

When you mentioned that you felt the tormentor blames you both for simply being...please find some way, somehow inside yourselves to release that feeling. You are a beautiful and graceful human being just for merely BEING in our world and helping us ALL through a world with these aggressors amongst us. Now that I know that you both were visited with such horrific pain and such distress, AND that you were at least able to TELL us about it, I hope that we've helped you get through it with a BIT of ease, if not NOW, then maybe somewhere down the road. I do SO understand some of what you have been truly tormented with, only because I've had moments in my life, aye, even DAYS...where I didn't know if I could go on for how cruel tormentors and their sidekicks can be, levelling their bedevilment upon those of us who neither deserve nor do anything to suddenly be thrust into such misery and pain from their form of cruelness and crooked world of reality. May their genes find a dizzying path to Hell. Mean people ABSOLUTELY suck.

Both of you are being sent such warm vibes of goodness and kindness that I hope they spill onto your lives for years to come, and that no one can get even CLOSE to hurting you ever again.

FridaWrites said...

I love you, Dave.

I wish I could give you the reverse, an action of love that leaves you breathless with joy.

You bring a lot to me, so much to so many people. I'd like to hear if you want to and are able to write it at some point--I know the pain is intense when you can't even write it.

FridaWrites said...

No one should harm you. It pains me that someone would ever harm you.

Kristin said...

I am so very sorry Dave. You and Joe are good people and you deserve better. I don't really know you except through your words here but I am left feeling the desire to give you both a hug and help comfort you in some way. I'm sorry.

Dave Hingsburger said...

Thank you all for your support, I came here for solace and found it, how cool is that?

klimin said...

I am sorry that you and Joe experienced such vile. There is little worse that someone having the ability to make you question youself for their cruelness. Hold your head high and know that you are respected and held in high regard by so many.

liz said...

Mean people definitely suck.

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry you and Joe were hurt, Dave. Mean people truly do suck, and there are no words or excuses for them.

Just please know how much you are admired and respected by people like me--people you've never met--who come to your blog everyday for your gems of wisdom, courage, and laughter.

Many hugs and much strength to you both. Joe, you are a wonder for coming up with the amazing "feng shui" idea! Even when you two have been terribly wronged, you bring beauty to an ugly situation. I am, well, amazed.

Blessings, Sue

Anonymous said...

Dave

I am glad to see your 'inner peace' is returning after your brutal encouter! The 'Feng Shui' approach is the right one....clearing the energy is what is needed!
Love to you and Joe.....LinMac (Linda)

Cindi F. said...

I would like to say I am sorry for the mean people in the world, but that would assume I am powerful enough to have caused such an event. What I am sorry for is the pain it caused you and Joe. Abuse is everywhere! It happens to everyone! To be so bold as to quote a very wise man "Talking about the abuse helps wounds heal." You will know when the time is right to write of the event, someone will relate to your story, and it will help them to heal just a little. Because healing doesn't happen all at once, you can't see it, and you can't pull it off of you like dead skin; it starts on the inside a little at a time. And hopefully it leaves behind a little wisdom and empathy that we can use in the fight to stop abuse.

Anonymous said...

Dave, I am glad you are finding comfort in all of the support you have here. I have heard you speak a few times now and although I don't know you at all, I know you have touched me with your stories and your support and advocacy for people with disabilities. I am deepy saddened and angered that someone would intentionally hurt you and Joe. Thinking of you both and wishing you peace. And thank you for sharing your blog with the world.