Thursday, September 24, 2009

Oh, Holy Night

Gadzooks, Batman, what are we to do?

I get in the door and, holding on the wall for balance, I move as fast as my Mama Cass legs will carry me. In the bedroom, I shuck off my shirt first. Then, the suspenders come off the shoulders and my pants and shorts drop. Finally, socks are off. I am suddenly naked. Buck naked. I don't like to expose myself, even here on the blog, so I immediately reach for my housecoast.

My magic housecoat. My indestructable wonderful housecoat. It truly is magical. When it is on, no harm can come my way, no bad vibes can penetrate it, no spells or incantations can reach me. The phone goes off. The door isn't answered. The world is held entirely at bay. Wrapping it around me I suddenly feel an incredible peace.

This, my magic housecoat, has lasted from our house in Quebec, our place up by Barrie and now our home here in Toronto. It has never failed me. Some days I work it hard. Some days, after rough days, I stay indoors wrapped up in magical layers, and never set foot outside. Those days, it works hard.

So imagine my horror. I grabbed my housecoat and wrapped it round me. I came and sat here at the computer and when I sat down I felt cold, really cold, metal on my right side. I reached down and found that there is a hole in my housecoat. I felt, first, shock, second, sadness, third, vulnerable. I felt like Spiderman (the cool comic one not the wimpy movie one) with a hole in his super suit.

I can't sew.

I am not crafty.

So I took my stapler and fixed the hole.

My house coat, magical though it is, deserves better ... unfortunately it got me. I'll have to do. Besides my stapler is nearly full.

Dearest gentle readers on this ICLW (international comment leaving week) do you have any magical clothes that you wear to ward off evil spirits and wicked wishes?

22 comments:

Belinda said...

Sacrilege--stapling the magic housecoat; but very creative! :)

wendy said...

I don't have any magic clothes but reading your description of the powers of your housecoat I think I need some! Is there a special magic clothes store I could shop in? There are certainly days I could use them.

Kim said...

I have a wonderfully comfy grey sweater that was my dad's...I cuddle in it on days I feel cold, not well and especially on the days I miss him the most..when I need an understanding and accepting ear!

Anonymous said...

I have a blanket that was my mom's; and, may the staples add Superior Ninja skills to your housecoat!

Anonymous said...

I have a combo of grey hoodie and leather jacket that make me lok way cooler and way tougher than I really am. One of the few reasons I like cooler weather is 'cause I can wear this combo.

Sorry about your housecoat Dave. Hope the staples don't scratch ya!

Don in Missouri

Lisa RM said...

No duct tape? Duct tape fixes everything. And is magical itself.

ivanova said...

I have a grey collared shirt that's been one of my favorites since I was thirteen. I am NOT the same size I was when I was thirteen, so it must be magic if I can still wear it.

PS I'm sure you know that a lot of dry cleaning places also do mending. They will laugh at you for wanting to mend something old. . . and they will definitely laugh at the staples. But, if you are willing to let the magic housecoat out of your sight, you could get a dandy professional repair.

Kristin said...

No, not staples in the magic housecoat. Surely there is a tailor you can take it to and get it patched. We can't have any of the magic properties leaking out of an improperly patched hole.

Anonymous said...

I have a pair of shoes that are really special. When I wear them I am beautiful, tall and sophisticated. Maybe I should wear them more often!
PS What about speed-sew? It's like glue for fabric.

Clay said...

I have a very nice T-shirt that I've had for 10 years. It's imprinted with a lovely, restful Lighthouse scene, with seagulls and everything!
The background is a pleasant blue and white tie-dye sort of thing. Um, been wearing it for a week, while I'm home.

There are iron-on patches, might be the easiest thing to do. That or the duct tape.

mediocrity511 said...

I have a hat which is fluffy and black and has cat ears on it. I wear it when I am feeling vulnerable and I go out walking, stalking the streets feeling like I'm not a human being and no one notices a cat. I realise logically I probably stick out more, but it wraps round my head and ears and feels like a protective barrier.

Terri said...

We have an afghan that is truly a comforter for me and my kids--able to ward off thunderstorms, family crises, school disappointments and more... with it and a cup of tea I am much less 'vincable.'

hj wallace said...

Used to have pale yellow cotton/linen sweater that was very light weight and about 6 sizes too big for me. I wore that sweater whenever I needed to feel calm or safe. Since it was so big, I could pull it on over whatever I had on. I wore that sweater alot and just wore it out. It got frayed in spots I finally had to retire it. I've been looking for a replacement for a very long time.

Maybe a patch would work on your housecoat. It's not too hard to sew one on.

Brad said...

I have to get behind what Lisa RM said. Duct tape. :)

I don't have any special clothes that I wear, but I do enjoy my dog blanket.

http://www.mts.net/~bmcgraw/Ball.jpg

There is simply nothing better. :)

Erin said...

I wish I had the time to make you another housecoat.

Anonymous said...

I have the most wonderful pair of pants. I call them my "spongey pants". They are well worn, have several small holes in them, and are always comfy no matter what I eat. They are never to be worn in public, but I plan long evenings in them typically with a good book or movie. I usually am so excited to put them on that I have created the "spongey pants dance" and the "sponge pants chant". Very few things in life make me as happy.

Cheers!

Natalie

Saige said...

Your poor house coat! I hope it feels better soon. I am so glad it is better than the wimpy movie spider man.

I have a magic shirt that makes me look hot and skinny. I usually wear it on Fridays to celebrate the fact that I made it through another work-week.

Katie said...

I have a housecoat belonging to my grandmother. It had a tear when I brought it home, and I used that fabric glue and mended it, which didn't hold. So, I've worn it with the tear for eons. Despite many washings it's never lost that smell of her.

Wonderful, fantastic blog! I'm reading happily and may be here all afternoon.

Rechelle said...

I have a j. peterman green striped shirt that is years old but when I wear it, I am completely comforted- it is possibly the biggest stress reliever I have - I have even dreamed I was putting it on because I was so stressed in my sleep- I can't tell you how wonderful it is to slip into it, button it up, roll up the sleeves and instantly feel better- I can't bear thinking of the day it will wear out-

kitrona said...

I have an old sweater of my dad's, and my huge and comfy sweatpants that also used to be my dad's. But the real magic is my "binkies"... replacements for my original security blanket. One really needs to be thrown away, as the entire middle is strings, but I love it. The other is new and has cats on it, and it comforted me today the way little else could. I think it has the magic. :)

Anonymous said...

Oh Dave, you don't want to sit on staples! Find someone to mend it, or look for stitch witchery that you can iron between the edges. Wish I was close enough to mend it for you.

Sharon

Gary Miller said...

I have a 'comfort sweater': It's about 15 years old; it's a knitted fisherman-type thing; is wonderfully sloppy; comes out of the washing machine ready-shaped for me to put it on; has sleeves that are so long that I resemble Cro-Magnon Man; is used to comfort my dog when it's thundery or there are fireworks going off and is hated by everyone I know.

I - and my dog Coy - of course, absolutely love it.

If it works...use it!!