Thursday, December 11, 2008

5 X Yikes

Well today is the last day of the lecture tour, I'm struggling to get the energy up to write a blog before heading out for the final talk. Afterwards I want to just sit and be quiet for a week. But Monday I'm back in at Vita and I know I'm going to want to share stuff from the trip right away. So there's no sign of me shutting up for awhile.

Joe and I were reminiscing already about the trip. I'll give you the high points tomorrow. The 5 funniest things that have happened on the tour ... Number 5 has course language.

1) In Glasgow I was on a little stage and at break there was no one anywhere around so I let out a series of big farts (time zone and food changes) seconds later a woman came up to ask a question. I was sitting in clouds of 'um' scent and two words into her question she said, "Oh, I shouldn't disburb your break ..." and fled.

2) In Bournemouth I was mistaken for a person with a disability attending the conference by someone who spoke very slowly to me to ensure I understood. I let them go on and just before I let this 'staff' know that I was the speaker, I realized tha the 'staff' was somone with a disability. When we both realized the mistake we laughed ... the line gets thinner and thinner.

3) In one of the places, (no I'm not telling) I started the workshop and was about 10 minutes in when I noticed that I was doing the wrong topic. I had to keep on going and slowly slide the topic from one to another ... they didn't notice, or at least they didn't say they noticed. I checked more carefully every day after that.

4) Being asked by a woman dressed like she had hippy philosophy if I thought that I should be talking about self esteem when I'm fat and clearly hate myself. I asked her if she should be talking when she clearly doesn't have the capacity to think.

5) I made a joke in Falmouth that I knew I could swear or say whatever I wanted in a place called Falmouth, in fact, I thought the signs would be Fucking Main street and Bitchen Parkway. They all thought that was funny. An elderly woman came up to me and said, 'I learned a lot today but I will never forget, for the rest of my life, about Fucking Main street."

Tomorrow I have to be up very early for the first flight home. I will try to do a blog so drop by, but if time doesn't allow it, I 'll write one on return home ...


Anonymous said...

Sorry to respond to such a funny post with something more serious, but -- why DO some people assume that fat people must automatically hate ourselves?

I'm a person who is on the corpulent side myself -- not nearly as much as some, but still significantly more than others. One time my mother was lecturing me about following a better diet and exercising more (as if I hadn't already heard the same lecture 500 times before, both from her and from doctors; as if I didn't already know all this; as if simply *KNOWING* what to do was enough to actually help DO it). And then she asked, bewildered, why I "do this to myself" and "Do you really hate yourself that much?"

I know Mom is just worried about me and my health. But it still really stung to be asked that question. I would have thought my own mother would know me better than that.

No, I don't eat too much or fail to exercise because I hate myself. I eat too much because I like food too much, including foods like chocolate that aren't good for me. And it doesn't help that I grew up with a distorted sense of what "normal" food portions actually look like: even though I now know better intellectually that the portions I thought were "normal" were often actually two or even four portions in one, I still struggle mentally in adapting from one unit of measurement ("it looks like a normal sized serving that a normal person would eat in one sitting") to another ("this is actually three servings"). It is not yet ingrained, and that makes it challenging for me to adjust my food portions accordingly. It has nothing to do with "hating" myself, or eating to "compenstate for" low self esteem or depression or anything else.

I respect that for some people who overeat, all of these things may be huge struggles that I'm guessing are probably far more difficult to cope with and work around than the issues I deal with. But not every fat person is fat for the same set of reasons, and I resent being stereotyped--not because it would make me a "bad person" to have low self-esteem (because it wouldn't ... if it were true) but because that just isn't me. And I deserve to have my individuality, apart from whatever over-pathologized stereotypes others have stuck inside their heads, understood and respected.

And I fail to exercise because it's hard for me to develop new routines and stick to them (I have attention deficit disorder, which is not the whole reason but doesn't help: there is research evidence that people with ADD take much longer to develop and entrench a new habit or routine than other people, and also tend to backslide more easily -- yes it can be done, but, yes, it IS still that hard)

Having my own mother question whether I have any self esteem, or simply assume that I must hate myself, are bigger attacks on my sense of integrity than simply being fat.

Sorry to rant. That just hit a raw nerve for me this morning, because that remark still rankles with me.

little.birdy said...

"Being asked by a woman dressed like she had hippy philosophy if I thought that I should be talking about self esteem when I'm fat and clearly hate myself. I asked her if she should be talking when she clearly doesn't have the capacity to think."

...I cackled. :D

Anonymous said...

HA HA HA HA!!! I am sitting here having my norning cup of coffee and laughing my ass off at your hilarious blog post!!

I am so glad you decided to muster the energy to post today. Your blog is my special treat to myself every morning.

Thanks Dave.

P.S. You're still a rock star, on every fucking main street that matters.

Anonymous said...

: )

Good to see that you have regained and maintained sense of humor Dave.
As I am known to say "Don't let the turkeys/assholes (depending upon the day and the company) get you down". (For those that find language objectionable, my apologies, but it does make a point!)

Also, haven't had time to read blog posts much of late, so catching up on weeks worth.....thought Dave and others might find the following article interesting:
Mr Preseley speaks of his life utilizing a wheelchair, stating at one point that he will "dance through life until Hell freezes over. Was enjoyable article I thought.

Shan said...

Really, really funny. Especially #1.