A funny (not ha ha funny) thing about having a blog is that you can write something in one frame of mind and read it later in another frame of mind - and go, "Oh, no, people are reading this." I hereby apologize for yesterday's blog and thank the two people who tried to make the blog relevant in their comments. When I read it again it just sounded 'whiney' and 'pouty' ... like a little kid looking for offense so he could have a tantrum.
It's true that my antennae are up when I'm in the world with and in my wheelchair at the same time. Partly that's due to having this blog and attempting to write something new every day. Partly because that's kind of who I am, I've always been alert to dangers in the world. I grew up learning that the world wasn't a safe place and to always be alive to the possiblity of hurt. Those things combined together can make me - a tad difficult and a wack oversensitive.
Sometimes it seems that I go out looking to prove my thesis: there are mean people in the world. Um, that's kinda proved every time you listen to the news. Sometimes, and this is tough to admit, I have a chip on my shoulder that someone needs to knock off. While there is prejudice in the world against people with disabilities, while there is rampant bigotry ... and those need to be pointed out. It kind of diminishes this reality when you enter the world expecting what you get, perhaps the waitress talked more with Joe than me, not because of my wheelchair, but because I was in a pissy mood. (The guy in the store has no excuse.)
So, I guess I'm saying I'll be a little more careful with the blog and on days when I feel whiney, pouty and in the mood to be a victim, I'll choose my topic more carefully.
Does anyone else ever have those whiny, pity me days?
Or am I alone in this.
16 comments:
Ah Dave.......
Everyone, Everyone, Everyone has whiny, poor me days! You are NOT alone.
And, some of us let the world know when we are having those kinds of days.....maybe not in a blog, but my partner, and my close co-workers and my friends are likely to know.
As for apologizing for the blog....please don't!
It wasn't a feel-good-stand-up-and-applaud blog, but so what. You're a whole human being. Would you want people to think that you were perfect and stong every day? (hint hint - we know better)
As for the low numbers of comments.....for me it was one of those topics that I wanted to respond to, but then found I had to ruminate on a bit. There's not an easy comment to be made, and easy answer to be found........
I've definitely noticed what you talk about.....I think the more technology we have the less physically engaged people are....and people working in the "service" sector....don't even get me started.........service-shmervice!
still ruminating, maybe something coherent will surface.
I'm happy to have something to ponder, no apology needed!
"Does anyone else ever have those whiny, pity me days?"
Oh, not EVERY one has those days.
Mother Teresa, fer instance.
In other words: relax. If misery wanted company, you got it.
I have been reading for some time now a blog written by a girl who has some kind of muscular atrophy, and who usually complains about everything. Especially she complains about having to live alone,...but this is what she has chosen herself the day when she left the group she was living with.Her friend found it too hard to live with her...
I think there is always some attraction or repulsion when we meet others, but people are more easily attracted to optimistic, positive people I guess. Which doesn't mean we should act as if we are always happy...
Pretty much every post on my blog is whiney at some point...I think you have a great blog and nothing at all to apologize for.
Didn't sound like whining to me. Sounded human. I also wonder why there isn't any training in retail, food service, or just SCHOOL about disability. I worked at a pet store a while back, and we were taught all about how not to frighten the customers who were afraid of spiders, how not to offend the customers who were soft hearted by talking about the mice and rats as "feeders" (which offends me, too, as a rat person- and why I finally quit), how to serve rude people without blowing up, but when we had a deaf customer come in, it was the customer, not a manager or ANY mention whatsoever in employee training manuals, that showed me how to politely help that customer.
Would it be so hard to mention in the training videos that sometimes someone comes in in a wheelchair and you can talk to them, not their companion? Sometimes someone comes in who is deaf and needs to write their requests down if they're complicated? Sometimes someone comes in who can't see and needs a visual description of what she is buying?
I just don't know why no jobs that involve public contact seem to involve training employees to have contact with disability.
Dave, you post every single day - I at least have the option of simply not posting on moody days - you don't have that luxury. It's no wonder 'pissiness' creeps in.
I guess I didn't read yesterday's entry. When I did read it, I found myself nodding in agreement. I noticed people do that with my son. Like because he has Down syndrome, they need to ask his Dad or me things that he could answer himself. Funny how that can affect how much of a tip we leave someone~ when the server totally ignores my husband or I and talk to, ask questions of, or totally interact with William, we find ourselves leaving a nice tip, no matter how the rest of the service is.
So, no apologies... no harm in whining or venting on your blog. Isn't that one of the reasons you have one?
Don't we all? I definitely have the days were I go, "I can't believe I'm having another surgery, this is ridiculous, I'm never going to reach the end of them." But I also have days like two weeks ago, when my surgeon told me I needed yet another surgery and I just rolled my eyes at my idiotic feet.
Your blog is your outlet. Go ahead and vent when you need to. I know it's how I stay relatively sane.
veralidaine raises an excellent point.
Some schools (at least in the US) do, in fact, have some "disability sensitivity" training in elementary school. I used to speak at some of these about my experiences as a deaf person. But of course this isn't enough. It can be worthwhile having "refresher training" as people get older. And of course, training for specific contexts (e.g., general education programs could do better at training teachers in working with students with disabilities who are integrated into their classrooms; or, as veralidine points out, service professions could do better in training their staff--stores, restaurants, etc).
I echo the other comments here. Your post yesterday was not whiney or poor me. It was honest! And I'm sure readers want to know what it's truly like living with a disability. It's difficult to be positive and upbeat when some days are plain sucky, particularly with Vancouver's weather. I'm getting cabin fever here!
Yes, Dave, I absolutely have whiny, pouty days (last night I got that way, way more than my blog expresses; usually the health stuff rolls off more, though there's a lot of it), but yours didn't sound like one of these. I was going to reply, had experienced something similar, but just couldn't put my ideas together.
Disablism is difficult to deal with; it would be easier to let go of it more if it weren't so continuous.
That said, I have had a few odd experiences with other people with disabilities myself that's made me careful in making assumptions. When I was a kid, a girl in a wheelchair at school said in a really upset voice, "What are you looking at?" to me. I really hadn't glanced at her long. But I'd just got out of a wheelchair myself, and I may have spent longer observing. I've also spent more time observing people's equipment as I approached using it myself and was considering purchase decisions. Sometimes people can have a more difficult time interacting if someone they know is having a health crisis or has passed away--disablity is pretty common. So I don't always assume people's stares or reactions or avoidance are necessarily reactions that are negative to me, though they often can be. I don't imagine most wheelchair avoiders are disabled or approaching wheelchair use themselves.
On the flip side, I have had some disabled people be rude to me, not realizing I am often in the same category, so I have to remind myself that other seemingly abled people around me may be having their own difficulties, too.
With blogs, don't forget that many people may be nodding their heads up and down as they read. And we all have ups and downs--there's a flow to it.
Yes, Dave, I absolutely have whiny, pouty days (last night I got that way, way more than my blog expresses; usually the health stuff rolls off more, though there's a lot of it), but yours didn't sound like one of these. I was going to reply, had experienced something similar, but just couldn't put my ideas together.
Disablism is difficult to deal with; it would be easier to let go of it more if it weren't so continuous.
That said, I have had a few odd experiences with other people with disabilities myself that's made me careful in making assumptions. When I was a kid, a girl in a wheelchair at school said in a really upset voice, "What are you looking at?" to me. I really hadn't glanced at her long. But I'd just got out of a wheelchair myself, and I may have spent longer observing. I've also spent more time observing people's equipment as I approached using it myself and was considering purchase decisions. Sometimes people can have a more difficult time interacting if someone they know is having a health crisis or has passed away--disablity is pretty common. So I don't always assume people's stares or reactions or avoidance are necessarily reactions that are negative to me, though they often can be. I don't imagine most wheelchair avoiders are disabled or approaching wheelchair use themselves.
On the flip side, I have had some disabled people be rude to me, not realizing I am often in the same category, so I have to remind myself that other seemingly abled people around me may be having their own difficulties, too.
With blogs, don't forget that many people may be nodding their heads up and down as they read. And we all have ups and downs--there's a flow to it.
Thanks, all for your comments. I just wanted to clarify that I wrote that post because when I re-read what I'd written, for one of the first times since I've started this blog I was really displeased with what was there. As a writer, I try to get the tone right, and try to say something in each post. I felt that what I'd written was more written by mood than by talent (such as THAT is) and thought it too self indulgent and pouty. I meant what I said about being more careful in the future. Thanks for all the comments and support, though, here.
I really enjoy your blog and learning from your perspective. Writing is one of the "places" where we're most human. It allows us to reflect and to think, and that's a good thing.
"I felt that what I'd written was more written by mood than by talent (such as THAT is)" - I had forgiven you all sins but this. I don't think you are going to slip into a morose Edgar A. Poe type of writing any time soon, but please, without "mood" where would "Kubla Khan" or the poem "Still we Rise" or many of the breakthrough pieces of literature. We are all emotional beings, and we kinda trust you more when you are one OF us.
Besides, THIS post is far more written to "mood" than the previous. hee hee.
Sorry, Dave, there is just some imp in me that while respecting you deeply (and congrats on your #1 Activist Blogger of Canada) loves to vex you even more.
I just read the previous post, and I don't think you need to justify. Some days are harder than others. I know that I've deleted some of my posts on my blog because my hindsight startled me. Also, I've retorted to posts because I felt I had to explain further -- code for digging my own deeper hole. LOL!
The one characteristic I'm drawn by in your writings is your blatant heart on your sleeve. However, unlike some of us that bumble along the emotional ride, you have direction and point in sight. I get what you're writing/saying. And I like that.
For me, it is with no wonder that you won the blog awards that you did. You're authentic. I applaud you for that.
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