It's cold here. "Government Cold Warning" cold. Yesterday morning I was off to get bloodwork done, it was a fasting test so I wanted to be at the lab first thing. As a diabetic I could feel my blood sugar dropping on the drive to the lab. Joe pulled the wheelchair out of the back of the car and I plopped down in it.
Really, oh no!
My skin, still slightly damp from the shower, froze to the metal. Like a kid licking a frozen rainpipe -- I felt immediately foolish. So, I pressed back thinking that I would be in the building and the chair would be warming soon. All that meant was that more of me froze to more of the chair. Great.
We waited in the line up, 5 other guys my age or older and the two of us. I quipped to Joe that years ago I used to line up to get into a bar and now I'm lining up at labs. The others laughed and we all agreed that aging was a bitch. I moved a bit in my chair and pain radiated from where I'd ripped away from the metal bar - I grimaced and one of the guys asked if I was OK. What was I supposed to say, "Yeah, I'm fine but my ass is frozen to the wheelchair." So I just said I was fine.
The dainty lady at the lab, called out my name and slapped a plastic bottle on the counter saying, "Dave Hingsburger, we need a urine sample." Someone kisses that mouth, I thought, but said, "Um, I've got mine here in my wheelchair bag." I handed it to her and she barely glanced up as she put my pee on the side of the counter. Then I grimaced again, as the freezing seemed to be getting worse. "You alright?"
I realized that I was so cold in the chair that my whole body was reacting. My genitals were in retreat and I'm surprised I didn't sound like Minnie Mouse when I said, "I'm fine, really, I'm fine." By the time we left the wheelchair had warmed up and released it's hold on me. I haven't looked but there's a few inches of skin that feel very tender, I wonder if there's a mark. There's a battle wound that will be interesting to explain.
So, right now my wheelchair is out of the car and in the front room. It looks at me and laughs as I pass by.
Which is really the only thing to do in the situation.