Shower

I fell this morning.

I fear falling as, since I became disabled, getting back up is a difficult task. But I managed, with no grace or dignity but I managed. I had been trying to get into the shower. I don't know why but hotel's here in England have tubs that involve an incredible step up into them. I lifted my leg way up over the side of the tub and then grabbed the grab bar to pull myself up and then slipped and smacked my other leg against the tub and down I went.

I'm hurting.

This is an accessible room. They have all been accessible room and they've all had tubs that you have to be spry to get into. I'm wondering why they make a bathroom with an adapted toilet and then have a tub that's such a hurtle. I've made all the other tubs so far on the trip but this one sent me crashing to the floor.

I'm a person who makes friends with fear way too quickly. I know from now on I'm going to be anxious every single morning getting into the tub, every single time I want to have a shower. This morning I got damp cloths and washed up but that never leaves me feeling as clean as I want to ... but there was no way I was trying to get into that tub again.

Yesterday at my lecture in Northampton a man with Down Syndrome came up to me at lunch and asked if the could make an announcement before I started in the afternoon. I told him that I'd ensure he had the opportunity. He then told me with pride that he was a member of a People First group and that he had important news about the group.

I called him up to the front and he came walking with great purpose and greater dignity. He put me to shame in that he wore a nice fitting suit and I was there in my jeans. I gave him the mike and he started to talk. Suddenly he became really nervous and fumbled with what he was going to say, he looked quickly at me and asked 'What was I going to say again' and I just started to answer and he said, 'Oh, yeah' remembering.

Just before he started again he whispered to himself, "You can do it."

And he did.

With all the world throws at us, we as disabled people have to keep giving ourselves that message. I'm going to follow his lead. Tomorrow, I'm going to conquer that shower. Because even though it's difficult, it isn't designed for me ... I can do it.

I hope.