I am not afraid of going outside.
But I have grown quite comfortable with my present status of being housebound. There is probably a better word for that, but that's the only one I know. I haven't been out for a couple of weeks and am not planning to go out this weekend, even with the lifting of some restrictions.
There are two reasons for me to continue my stint as being housebound..
The first is that the activities that would pull me out are still restricted. The gym, still closed. The mall, still closed. Me, still in. I'm just not interested enough in what's presently on offer.
The second one is more personal. I am tucked away from people's stares and unwanted commentary about my life. I am safe here. Joe may look at me with exasperation sometimes and annoyance at other times but he never looks at me the way the world sees me - a fat freak in a wheelchair. Never. Joe sees me, he reacts to me based on what I say or do, as would be expected.
Yesterday we watched a TV program that played, for laughs, a scene wherein a young man got stuck having to go on a date with an 'uggo' which I've learned is a slang term for someone ugly. The 'uggo' in this case was a rather pretty woman who in the eyes of the world, was fat.
You expect me to go willingly into that world?
There was a time when 'ugly' laws and statutes made it illegal for some to be out in public. That those laws and statutes are no longer in place does not mean that they didn't make the transition from being written in law books to being written in stares and glances, in disapproving faces, and in disgusting commentary..
So, no thanks.
I will go out in the next round of lifting restrictions, I want to do what's on offer then, and I willing to brave presenting myself to the world again.
Sometimes Disability Pride is shown just by going out.