Sunday, August 31, 2014

A Choice

We were heading out for the afternoon and had to stop by the post office on the way. We'd gotten a notification that a parcel was waiting for us and we wanted to make sure that, even in holiday mode, things got done. I knew it would be a small package that could fit in my wheelchair bag so we didn't worry about anything more than picking it up. As we strolled up Bay street I realized that I didn't feel like doing the usual routine.

Typically, I rush ahead and go in the front of the building and take the elevator down and then rush to the back of the building to the post office and meet Joe, who walked down the stairs from the sidewalk, there. Just didn't feel like the rush. Didn't feel like going the long way round only to have to come the long way back. So I told Joe to just go ahead and I'd stop and wait for him. He thought that a fine idea and headed off.

In Ontario we've gone from spring to fall without much of a summer in between. This has caused distress for others but, for me, it's been great. I don't like hot, hot, days. I've been loving the cool sunny days. I found, while waiting, that the cool was multiplied by being in the shade. There are tall buildings which surround that area and not much sunlight to be had. I noticed, a few meters ahead that there was a strip of sunlight that resulted from a silver of opportunity between two buildings. I rolled over to it and it was exactly the width of my wheelchair.

I turned to face the sun and sat there feeling the warmth. It was awesome. I knew that it was like sitting under a spotlight in a darkened room. But I've done that before and people have applauded afterwards, so, I decided that I could do it again. As I sat there, feeling the warmth, I began to think about my life, what I do, the things I have committed myself to.

I have fought against prejudice and bigotry, I have fought against abuse and bullying, I have supported people who have, and continue to have, dark times. I am not alone in this. Most people who read this blog do the same. We choose voice over silence, action over passivity, community over isolation. But that can mean spending a lot of time in the shadows, in the darkness made when hatred and ignorance block the sun.

And here I sat.

In a sliver of sun.

Feeling warm.

Feeling embraced.

Feeling peace.

I sought that space out. I choose to leave the darkness, the shadow behind. When Joe came back I felt completely and utterly happy.

I need to do this more often.

I need to find the sun.

I need to select to step out of the darkness.

And I'm guessing, so do most of you reading this. I hope you all find a sliver of sun, a modicum of warmth and a moment out of the shadows.


Jayne Wales said...

I agree. My husband John said this morning at breakfast he couldn't bear to hear of any misery of people today and we are alone together and going to do something fun together. I think it involves going through lots of photos and picking out some great memories to frame for a family and friends wall. The suns shining and all is well.x

CT said...

Dave, thanks so much. Just -- thanks. :)

Anonymous said...

I have loved the summer weather this year. I don't like the heat either, and this year we haven't had a lot of that stifling horrid heat. :) Glad you found a sunbeam today! Sometimes it's lovely to just be in the sun like that. I walk my dogs late at night, and that's another wonderful time of day for me. I can see the stars and hear the quiet and feel the cool air. Perfect! samm

Anonymous said...

I so needed to read this today. Thank you. I have bipolar disorder, and raised a son with bipolar disorder and adhd. I don't remember how I stumbled on your blog, but I'm so glad I did.