I am exhausted.
I had to go see a specialist yesterday. All I had was a name and the address of the hospital in which she is part of a clinic. I spent my day working, distracting myself from the appointment, as I waited for the time to head out.
My big worry was really my BIG worry.
A few days ago I read an article about how doctor's sometimes don't wish to serve fat people and, even those who do, often have an inability to 'see' anything other than the weight. Putting myself into the hands of someone who's attitude might affect my future isn't an easy thing. But, what are you to do? I simply prepared myself to be prepared for what ever came.
I had a faint hope when I waited in the waiting room. They had a monitor there that flashed information on a variety of subjects. Did you know that falls are the number one cause of death of those over 65?! I had thought that being over 65 was the leading cause of death of those over 65 ... but no, just don't trip and you can live forever. But as I mused these kinds of musings they surprised me.
The monitor showed a picture of someone with a physical and, I think, intellectual disability. The quote below it stated that people with disabilities need to be seen as a person and that medical concerns must be investigated not simply attributed to disability. The actual quote is much cooler that what I've written here. Once I saw it I got out a pen and a piece of paper so that I could write it down, knowing I'd be blogging about it, when it came round again. (Un)Fortunately I was called in to see the specialist before it made another full rotation. But, that simple picture along with the accompanying sentiment was reassuring.
In the end, I had nothing to worry about. I was treated kindly and with respect and I was pleased with the care I received. When I go back, you never really go once to these things, my stress level will be non-existent.
I am reminded, again, and profoundly, about how much trust I am given by those I serve. Trust that my attitude will be welcoming, that my prejudices will be kept in check, that my eyes will see what's in front of me not what's in my imagination.
It's a helluva trust.
I struggle to be worthy of it.
If it takes a visit like today to remind me of that, I'm glad of it.