Saturday, March 30, 2013

My Secret Garden

I must be a deeply flawed person.

On Facebook, where I admit I enjoy spending some time, I regularly see posts and posters, graphics and cartoons, messages and thoughts all regaling me to:

be true to the inner me

unleash my real voice

be authentically who I am

Every time I see one of these I kind of shudder. I mean what do you do when the 'inner you' isn't particularly nice, what if unleashing my real voice would be tremendously hurtful to others, what if I'm authentically a bit of a shit.

I spend time trying desperately hard to be the 'me' that I want to be and I try to spend less time being the me that I actually, kinda, am.

At my core there's a bit of nastiness, let me list some of the things your likely to find growing in that inner garden ... oh there's a hedge full of envy over there ... there's a grove of spite ... there are lovely stepping stones of denial that will get you through the pond of malice. Let's not talk about what hides in the shadow of the tree of resentment - no let's not.

So, despite all the encouragements otherwise, I'm going to continue to present the well weeded me to the world. I hope that over time other things take root. I have noticed that there are some surprisingly strong saplings that just might grow into a copse of patience. And, over there, I hope I see the beginnings of a bed of graciousness. I hope there is even a part of the garden that it's safe for others to visit.

But please ... don't go too deeply in.

So, exhort me all you want.

I'm not giving in to the inner me, I'm not fuelling the real voice, and until I'm authentically who I authentically want to be ... I'm not loosing the real, authentic Dave on anyone.

so here's my admonitions ...

be true to the person you want to be

unleash a voice tempered with compassion and understanding

be inauthentically decent until you are authentically so

But then, your inner child might be sweetness, but mine, well, mine isn't.

So, I am deeply flawed ... but I hope less so today than tomorrow.


Anonymous said...

Carl Jung said, "I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to be." It's been a tough lesson at times.

Deborah said...

This is a great post.

Anonymous said...

Well said. I think it is good to be honest with yourself - as you have shown. It is the truth of such that starts to "set you free". I like you am terrified to let people see the "real me". Yet I do dislike the "fake it until you can make it" thought. I guess if we all view ourselves, and others, as a work in progress - that would be best. I certainly don't expect perfection, at least on the earth - but I do expect to hold myself to higher standards than I do of others. Thanks for sharing Dave.

Colleen said...

Dear Dave:

I think that what you are choosing to nurture in your garden says a lot about who you are. The weedy bits are part of all gardens - just some people let them take over, others choose to start some seedlings.

Happy Easter to you and Joe!

Tamara said...

Wish I knew how to make that into a cute facebook meme ...

"Mike" said...

Dave, how in the world can children, even one's inner children, be anything but beautiful? I've never been around a child, to be honest with you, that didn't make me cry for joy a little bit inside. Remember when baseball was free to the people? My mom and I used to watch people like Jim Rice every day on the TV.

Baseball is an arena for courage and authenticity. I read somewhere that hitting a major-league fast ball is the most difficult feat in sports. That's why Gretsky is the great one, like Gandhi. What the former did in hockey, when put in perspective with other sports and the accomplishments of those athletes, is staggering. BTW, Colin Ross has this great little piece on Gretsky in his book on MPD. I would be interested to see what Ross, Putnam, or Kluft (these are all experts on MPD or DID) would write about Gandhi.

On the topic of memes, I think what's happening on the internet gives a lot of validity to that "theory." Take care Dave, and give my love to Joe.

"Mike" said...

BTW, Dave, can you explain the meaning of your black banner again? I think I missed it the first time around. Thanks.

Sharrae said...

This is just fabulously written.

Anonymous said...

Thank you.
I have recently been having a debate with my 21 year old Son about content of Facebook. This post makes things clearer to me - I will ask my son to look at it. Hopefully this will have done some father / son weeding in perfect time for a Easter celebration Pint of Ale in my local Devon Pub!

Shan said...


Belinda said...

That is so funny, and so good, and so true of me too.

Anonymous said...

powerful David, and so true for me also, thank you for sharing

Anonymous said...

Do you know how beautiful,
do you know how beautiful,
children do you know
how beautiful you really are?

Do you know how beautiful,
do you know how beautiful,
if you only knew how beautiful
you really are
You really are beautiful.

Have you heard the legend of
the queen in sorrows robes?
she found she was a statue
in an ancient sacred grove

And she could not find a meaning
of the fires at her feet!
All the precious sacrifices
burnig sad an sweet
so she cried, and she cried,
and she cried.
she cried, "children…

Do you know how beautiful..."

Cities rose around her, rose to fall again.
But mostly she´s invisible, through every now and then,
you can hear her cry, hear her cry,
hear her cry, "children...

Do you know how beautiful..."