Monday, October 24, 2011

Sensory Experience Free of Charge

Childish post with childish humour, but I can't help myself.

I spoke a couple days ago at the Muki Baum conference 'Come To Your Senses'  which was billed as an international sensory conference. I had done a keynote speech and was outside by the book table coming down from it. It had gone well. Several people from the conference had come and chatted then went back in for the next session. There was about five minutes where it seemed that I was going to be alone for the next forty or so minutes. I looked around, no one was there, and then let rip a huge fart. When ya gatta, ya gatta.

A few seconds later a few people came up the stairs and noticed the book tables on either side. They went over to the other book table and for a few minutes I thought I was safe. Then, to my horror, an incredibly deep and rich smell of such putrid intensity formed an invisible cloud around me. My eyes were watering. Then using every bit of psychic power I had, I pushed the shoppers to stay and buy at the other table. My abilities in this regard are weak.

They turned and headed towards me.  For a few minutes they were at the other end of the table, and then they approached the 'don your gas masks' zone. What could I do. I did nothing. I sat looking innocent. I sat looking as if my eyes were watering because I was moved by a deep inner thought. Then it hit them, all at once. They froze. Horror slowly flickered on their faces. They looked at each other with that 'was that you?' look. Then as one they looked towards me.

I asked them if I could help them with anything, they said 'no' and fled.

I wondered if I should charge extra for providing an example of just how powerful a sensory experience could be.


CapriUni said...

Sorry, can't resist: I remember reading somewhere that Benjamin Franklin once said to "fart proudly."

And hey, this is a Pride blog, right?

Hannah Ensor said...

You have just made me cry with laughter!

Anonymous said...

hi, hi, hi,
another post that made me giggle uncontrollably...


wendy said...

How did that "looking innocent" thing work out for ya? Too funny.

Tamara said...

So you brought them to their senses ... nice job -

Anonymous said...

Dear Dave,

I have a question and since my e-mail does not connect with yours I am going to ask it here, full well knowing, that you can delete my comment if not appropriat.

After work today I had to use the S-Bahn wich is a city connection by train here in germany.

At the opposite four places I sat was a very big woman sitting almost having to use two places.
When she left the train an older man with to other people (a woman and a man he had in tow) sat down where she had sat and said in a very loud voice even she must have heard "Now two seats are free at once. Fat pig someone like her I would sent to boot (or even maybe concentration) camp (depends on how you translate (Arbeitslager).

I was so angry. And I guess I spoke up with the wrong words telling him "you are not that good looking either".

He started to go on me. But nevertheless left it at words. I hate people like him. I hate not being able to punch people like those elderly with themselvs being so concious and feeling so well judging others!

What could I have or should I have done better?

I am so angry!!!

Susan said...

Been there. Done that.

It's even worse when you know the people. Trust me. :)

Anonymous said...

I love it, love it, love it!


Nathan Dawthorne said...

LOL I needed that.

I told someone off for using the R word today and someone nearby defended them.

I was loud and angry.

Now I'm thinking about farts!

Belinda said...

Thank you for making me laugh. I'm sure I'll be laughing every time I think of the mental image you conjured up. That is a gift at the end of the day!

Brooke, Cessna, Canyon & Rogue said...

This post totally made my day! I burst out laughing all of a sudden and my husband looked over to see what I was reading, I think he thought I was in need of help because I couldn't stop laughing quick enough to explain.

Thanks for the laugh :)

Princeton Posse said...

OK Dave, now everyone at work wonders why I am laughing hysterically. Can't explain, LOL, can't explain LOL

Andrea S. said...

Ew, Dave, you had to tell this story!

Sorry, I don't get f**t jokes, not my kind of humor. So at first I was going to just quietly over this post ... let those who like this humor carry along in their own way while I carry along in mine. Then I decided, maybe for you part of the humor was knowing that people were going to go, "EWWW!" at this kind of story. And what the hey, even though I don't normally do this sort of humor at all (because, did I say? EW!), you normally give us a great blog that gives us a lot to think about that I look forward to reading every day (except when you write a post like this one! :-) Just saying! :-) ) ... so, okay, I can indulge you just this once and post to say, "Ew!"

Hope you enjoyed my "ew!" Though I can't promise to give another one if you do another post like this one in the future ... ! :-)

In a more serious note: Julia, I'm sorry that happened. I wish I knew good advice to share. I can't think what to say, but wanted you to at least know you were read and heard. I hope someone will respond with something more constructive than what I've tried to give here (which basically amounts to sympathy, for you and for the woman who must have heard)