Tuesday, October 28, 2008

You're Going to Get It Too

There are many ways to experience disability. Some roll in a chair, some use a cane, some use their hands to speak ... others have disabilities that are much harder to see. I get all that. But there are other, wee disabilities, that come with just living and getting older.

The Disability Called Age ... how to know you've got it ...

1) This morning my computer told me that my password had expired and I had to sign in with a new password. I panic at this. I only have one password that I can routinely remember. Every time I change my password, I sit down at the computer to sign in and can't for the life of me remember what the hell the new one is ... Oh No! It's cause for real stress in my day.

2) Gotta go,gotta go, gotta really go. At a certain age you just should never wear tan pants again. You know what I mean. It's awful when the groans of pleasure that emminate from your apartment come when you are having a great pee at 3 in the morning.

3) Suddenly I'm going to bed earlier than my parents sent me as a child. As it approaches 8 o'clock in the evening, I start to think about heading to bed to read for a few minutes and then it's lights out. Often I wake after a deep sleep and look at the clock ... what a shock when it tells me it's only 10:30 at night.

4) Have you ever noticed that you make the same sounds of pleasure when you bite into something that tastes great that you do when you have sex. We had breakfast at Cora's the other day and it sounded like we were in a bordello for heaven's sake.

5) Ummm ... there were five when I sat down to write this ... there were ... there were ... oh look cookies.


rickismom said...

I remember an inservice session I attended years ago, when a doctor was trying to explain what is IMPORTANT to patients.
"You can quage you state of age and youth like this
-If you are young, pleasure is -sex
-If you are middle-aged, pleasure is a good meal.
-If you are old, pleasure is a good bowl function

So Rate yourselves!!!!

[With absolutely no intent to disparage anyone who has trouble with any of these things....]

little.birdy said...

The great life lesson here is that everyone loves cookies. ;)

Anonymous said...

Re, the password thing -- I hate how every individual system or program has to have its own password. And how each system has its own rules for what kind of password is "acceptable." ARGH! I know they're supposed to protect security--but how can they protect security if they make it pretty much impossible to for any single human to remember all the passwords they use for all the dozens of different things we use!

Anyway: does your system give you advance warning of when your password is about to expire? If it does, then one trick a friend of mine taught me is to use that advance warning as a reminder to sit down and think of a password. Then--DON'T change the password yet. Just see if you can still remember the new password you have in mind the next five times you log in (still using the old password). If you do manage to remember the password for five log-ins in a row, then go ahead and make the switch.

If your system isn't good about advance warning then maybe try finding out how often it's set to ask for a new password. (Usually there'll be some sort of pre-set schedule, probably a certain number of days or months after the last time the password was re-set) Then mark your calender so you can remember to start thinking of a new password a week or two in advance.

Anonymous said...

Another idea for passwords is choose one that you like and just add a number at the end then increase the number whenever you have to change it. Kitten1, then Kitten2 for example. That should keep you going for a very long time.

Cindy B

lina said...

Too funny,
I was at a meeting last night one when person at the meeting proceeded to tell us he had been up for 22 hours straight, and we all conveyed how sorry we were for him and I said 'do you remember when saying you had been up for 22 hours straight was something you bragged about!', can't wait to get my extra hour of sleep this week-end - yay for time change! (was that your fifth point???) Great post Dave!

theknapper said...

When my coworker has to change her password on her phone, she changes it & then changes it back to her original password so she doesn't have to remember the new one!

Shan said...

I had some toast and marmalade this morning and whimpered with delight - my kids were concerned.

Anonymous said...


Clever notion -- EXCEPT THAT, some computer systems are set up to block that sort of thing. For example, the system at my old office was set up so that you could not re-use any of your past 40 (or maybe it was 50) passwords. So it wouldn't have allowed you to re-set it back to the one you had been using.

Caroline said...

I am going to patent a new game show for the middle aged and above called "What was the name of that actor in that sitcom I can't remember the name of"....

Anonymous said...

Lol Dave, right there with you.

Anonymous said...

I have a wonderful memory. Problem is it is in my daughters head! Being intellectually challenged has not affected her memory, if anything it has sharpened it. I can ask her about anything in the past and she always knows it.
As far as the food pleasure thing goes, I couldn't care less about
sex and my idea of true bliss has a whole lot to do with baked goods and real butter! If only I had known that aging was this wonderful I wouldn't have dreaded it so much.

Ettina said...

"-If you are young, pleasure is -sex
-If you are middle-aged, pleasure is a good meal.
-If you are old, pleasure is a good bowl function"

For me, pleasure is a good book, or a friendly cat. What does that mean?