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| Image description: A line drawing of a pillow with and indentation where the heat and shoulders were. The words 'my pillow misses me' are above and below the image. |
Then.
I struggled against the realization that I was so much stronger now than before. That I felt more alert and more engaged in the mornings than I did, even with an extra hours sleep. That the wheelchair was becoming more and more manoeuvrable by the day because my arms were becoming stronger and stronger by day. Suddenly, I was sitting up. Then getting up, Then making my way down the hall to my desk. I was late in starting, which meant that I'd have to rush to make the bus.
Then.
All the way through I thought about the rush and the lateness in starting. I began to calculate which of the exercises I could reasonably leave out and still feel like I'd done a good work out. I ran through the 6 parts of my routine. Could I cut this one? Didn't I already exercises my legs in segment one, did I need to do it again in segment 3. What about segment 5? It's hard and I still don't have the overhead tricep extensions down right, can't get the form, maybe I could skip it this time ... I was short of time after all.
Then.
I'm on the cool down. I didn't cut any of the sections. I made sure I did them all. I didn't want the forces of
'I donwanna' to win. It was a race to get everything done in time and out into the hallway in time for my hallway walk ... but that got done and I was in my chair pushing myself down the hallway.
Then.
I was on the bus on the way to work.
Then.
I pictured my bed and my pillow and the alarm clock and I just know that I've go to do the same damn battle tomorrow morning.
Shit.
3 comments:
Yup. That's how it's done. One decision at a time. I go through the struggle myself, just at 5am instead of 4am. Some days it's harder than others, but yes - remembering the pay off helps a lot. So - I get up and do it. And I get up and do it. And I get up and do it. Sometimes I get bored so I change things up a little . . . but I get up and do it.
I'm glad you got up to do it.
I'm glad your routine works for you - it may be irritating to have to force yourself some days, but it works: you get up, you get your steps done, you get out of the house, you get to your job...
It is a lot harder (so I can't have a job) to go through things that have a probability of helping - especially when the probability is a lot less than 100%. You do these things - and you still can't work - is my daily lot.
But I'm 100% sure that if I DON'T do them, I won't be able to work.
So I follow the odds - even if they're lower. Because that's what I have.
You go, Dave!
Routines are important, for most people anyway. As tempting as it is to "escape" from them, I have always found they keep me in check, and feeling accomplished each day, bravo for you!
I am 44, and have returned to college (Loyalist) full time, as a distance learner, heading for my diploma as a DSW. I also have a family as well as other responsibilities. When I slack off in any one of the areas, I feel I have short-changed myself. My schedule keeps all the balls in the air, and me propelled forward in the right direction!
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