A number of people have emailed me, or messaged me, or texted me; I never realized that there were so many ways to get in touch until now. Anyways, the upshot was that I had written about pain management and how that was all going. I had written about going to the doctor here but not followed up. They were right, I hadn't.
I'm still new to talking about this experience and still a little shy about the whole thing. I don't know why it causes me discomfort but it does. I guess, as I said before, I am worried that it will affect how people understand and process my disability. I had thought that having a disability was a personal experience, I hadn't realized that disability is also a social and political experience. People will layer their own personal views, fears and anxieties about disability on you. People will also layer their political views about disabilities about costs and funding, about access and about resources, and therefore, eventually about the worth and worthiness of your life. Pain seemed to me to accentuate people's fears while lighting a flame under the 'let us remove that pain by assisting you into heaven' people.
So, being open about the pain thing concerns me.
I have indeed been prescribed pain medication, it's not strong, it's not addictive, but it's quite effective. I take one at night time and several things happened all at once. First, I thought the pain wasn't constant but it kind of was, I was just used to it - it felt so strange to be pain free. Second, my sleeping improved to the point that I actually slept through the night. I typically get up very early, but that first night I slept through right until 5 in the morning. Unthinkable.
I feel more refreshed.
In the end I'm glad I went to the doctor, glad he took the time to really listen to what I wanted and what I feared. In fact, he did this twice. I was so concerned after the first consult, I went back for a second. He was good about that and, I think a bit surprised that I was being so cautious about this new step in my health care.
There were are, the update. I should have just written it, not waited until I was prodded. But there you go, I'm cautious.
If anyone is waiting, like I did, if you've got a good doctor that you trust, go ahead, ask. It's an amazing thing to sleep and wake without pain.