Wednesday, January 09, 2013

My Work Day

*Adult Advisory Warning*


I had an odd day at work today.

I'm working on an article that will appear in April and as a result I read about:

Menstrual Management


Interesting Facts About the Penis

I learned:

That the word testify does not come from the practise, as described in a biblical passage, of men swearing an oath while holding on to the kings balls - even though you will find that faux fact everywhere on the web.

That there are approximately seven calories in one ejaculation ... and that an average ejaculation hits 28 mph ... making it the perfect low cal fast food.

I found:

An extremely interesting study on the effect on male genital health care on men with significant intellectual disabilities when care is provided by female versus male care providers.

An interesting how to guide for older men on how to 'milk' the urine out of their penes in order to avoid middle age dribbling.

I discovered:

An interesting use for the foreskin from circumcised penes.

The nature of the correlation between foot size and penis length (there is none: damn there goes the only benefit I could have from perpetually swollen feet).

And perhaps the oddest conspiracy theory:

That the mushroom shaped head of the penis evolved so that it can pull out other men's semen, thus making it kind of a featherless human duster and, correspondingly, becoming the only bit of housework that men are not only willing but eager to do.

All this - while at work.

Sometimes I think I have the funnest job possible.


Anonymous said...

ha ha - we are never too old to learn!!

Maggie said...

Evidently you have the funnest reading list possible.

Any chance you'll share the URLs? or at least point us at some of the most fun authors? I particularly want to know about the uses of recently-detached foreskin (other than the joke about the moyl's wallet that turns into a suitcase when needed).

Dave Hingsburger said...

Maggie, I put in a couple links, I wrote this last night and was feeling lazy about doing so. Thanks for the prompt.

wendy said...

Too funny, Dave.

Once I was teaching a relationship and sexuality education class at the agency where I work. I was using the YAI curriculum which, at one point, includes graphic drawings of people engaged in various sexual activities. One of the people in the class asked if they could have a copy of the book containing these pictures which, in the story on the screen, was being used by a couple to discuss what they liked, didn't like, might like to try, etc. I said I would make them a copy for next class. This lead to a flood of requests from the others in the class.

I set up duo tangs which were labelled "PRIVATE" and set to printing several copies of the book. Did I mention the drawings were graphic???

I went to pick up my copies, which were still running, and found our payroll administrator watching the images fly by and looking half way between alarmed and amused. When she saw me walking toward the printer she said, "Oh! It's you! You really have an interesting job, don't you?"

Some days, what's "all in a days work" is just too funny not to laugh at!

Colleen said...

And Gilbert and Sullivan's modern major general could only give many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. You have him beat all to heck Dave!

joanne said...

Obviously, none of your internet sites are blocked at work :)
have a great day!

Anonymous said...

Reminds me of nursing school when learning to do catheterization. First step was "Grasp penis firmly" always makes me chuckle, especailly because there were women in our class who had never actually seen a "penis".

Rachel in Idaho said...

The version of the testify thing I always heard was that they had to hold onto their *own* testicles, as a symbol that if they lied they would lose them. Ouch.

Anonymous said...

Man, I would love to know what Tektonic thinks of the sites you have to visit!!! I can still remember the awkwardsness of having to call one time and ask to have "Cum As You Are" unblocked!!! LOL!

Belly (Liz McLennan) said...

Between this post and the comments, I cannot. stop. giggling.

Great way to end the day!