Monday, February 06, 2012


Yesterday we went shopping for Valentines things to put into a box and ship off to Ruby and Sadie. Valentines is another holiday that Joe and I do not celebrate. Growing up with a 'love that dare not speak it's name' and with such secrecy around our relationship we grew skilled at communicating love publicly but privately. There was a 'hiding in plain sight' aspect to it that made it both very real and very powerful. When there is risk to love, as when there is risk to believe, somehow the loving becomes sweeter.

We would watch when the annual 'feast of love' in which our heterosexual counterparts  participated, stupefied and mystified. Really! Feeling a bit shoved to the sidelines became to feel more like a privilege than a denial. We watched people frantically trying to find just the right size box of heart-shaped chocolate, or the right sized fluffy animal with a heart in it's paws, or the right bit of expensive jewellery. My. It seemed to be a holiday full of desperation, not love, and we were glad to be out of it.

However, Ruby and Sadie, love Valentines just because they love celebrations and, of course, any holiday that has chocolate attached is fine by them. I have always determined that 'my point of view' does not need to be 'their point of view' and as yet the only point of view they have is quite simply 'MORE!!!' So we buy stuff for them and make up a Valentines box. We look for odd things, funny things, for them. In one store here in the mall we found two candy holders, one in the shape of a cow and one in the shape of a pig. Each when picked up make a noise. The cow goes, predictably, 'MOO'. The pig goes, can you guess, 'SNORT'. So we bought them and put them in the bag at the back of my chair.

So there I was rolling around the mall and depending on the twist or turn of the chair, one of them would be set off. It was like rolling with sound effects. Imagine watching a really fat guy rolling towards you with a faint mooing sound swirling round him. Or, a few seconds later a distinctly piggy snorting sound filling the air around the chair. Joe had taken some bags back to the car and I was rolling alone when this happened. At first I thought, 'oh no' and was just deciding to wait. But then the humour of it hit me and I pushed even harder. I had to stop from howling with laughter as I saw people see me, fat guy, hear sound associated with tormenting fat guys in the air, they didn't know what to do with their faces. The sounds were muffled from being in my bag, so I'm guessing they were straining to hear if what they heard they heard.

When we left the mall, I'm guessing that there were people there who's faces ached from being held so still - trying not to react takes work, who's necks are stiff from not turning to stare. Yep, kindness got a work out today - they expended extra calories, so, they can tuck into the Valentines box of chocolates - should they be loved enough to get the exact right box - guilt free.


Anonymous said...


what would have happend if I would have been with you in the mall.

I have a tendency to laugh or smile in situations no one else finds funny or trys to remain calm.

Would you have been annoyed if I would have laughed?


Still inwardly smiling, because I have a little plushduck that makes japjapjapjap sounds when thrown on the floor or sofa.....

Alice Fraggle said...

Hello Dave.
I am wondering - if one of the other shoppers had laughed how would you have felt? I am having a hard time holding in the giggles here at work, so I know I couldn't hold them in had I been in the store. I don't believe I'd laugh at you - just at the absurdity of those things going off all the time. I think I'd laugh at anyone carrying one of those, because they are impossible to keep from setting off. :)

dave on blackberry said...

I thought the situtation funny and a tad bizarre if someone would have laughed I would have disolved into giggles

CapriUni said...

I haven't been on the receiving end of Valentine's Attentions since elementary school, when it was a mandatory class activity.

But I'm still rather fond of it. For one thing, at least here in the Northern Hemisphere, it offers an explosion of flowers and bright color in the depths of winter, and for another, I'm with your nieces: CHOCOLATE!

And if I'd been rolling around with moos and snorts wafting around me, I would have tried to start a group sing-along of "Old MacDonald Had a Farm."

Lene Andersen said...

That's hilarious! Thanks for starting my week with a laugh!

Jen said...

Brilliant Dave, that must have been funny to hear :)

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