The Good Boy

Wow.

He was handsome. A Brad Pitt with Down Syndrome kind of handsome.

He walked up to me with real purpose and asked, "Are you going to talk about sex?" I explained to him that the workshop I was doing that day for people with disabilities was about rights and that I wasn't going to be talking about sex. "They told me that you talked about sex," he said, adamant. I explained that I did talk about sex (some would say that's all I talk about) but that I talked about other things too - and that day I was going to talk about rights. He looked disappointed, almost crushed and took a seat.

During the presentation he just sat there looking forlorne. He wasn't rude. He just didn't participate and didn't get into what I was doing. I felt sad that he had come with a purpose and I wasn't meeting it. At break he came to talk to me. "Can I talk to you about sex now?" he asked. I had fifteen minutes and thought, "How long can 'sperm, egg and condom' take?" So I said, "Sure."

"How do you know when your girlfriend is ready for sex?"

I had fifteen minutes.

He looked at me expectantly.

Fifteen minutes.

So I tried. I talked to him about love and intimacy. I talked about communication and really, really listening to what the other person is saying, not just with words but with their eyes and their bodies. I talked about not rushing. He looked at me as if I was making sense, not making it up as I went along. We had gone for twenty minutes and I really had to get back to it.

He was back at lunch.

"So how do you know when it's love?"

I didn't have it in me to hate this kid but I was beginning to.

We talked a bit and I asked him if he'd talked about these things with his mother. He shook his head and said that she told him not to worry about these things. I tried again, what about with his father. His eyes widened as if I'd asked him to stick his head in a lions mouth ... and then he looked at me as if I came from another planet where kids talked to their parents about these things.

I was having the "Gosh, I'm proud of you" moment that his parents should have had. This kid was deep and kind and careful. He didn't want to know about safe sex, he wanted to know about safe loving. His questions showed that they'd done a good job. They'd taught him morals and values. He wanted to be careful with his girlfriends heart. He wanted to care for her. He wanted to be careful with himself. He was a beautiful kid.

What's the most important thing you will ever teach your child about sex?

No, don't be lazy, don't just go on reading. Guess.

Did you guess ... safety ... important but not the most important thing you'll teach.

Disease prevention ... important but not the most important thing you'll teach.

Pregnancy ... important but not the most important thing you'll teach.

The most important thing you will ever teach your child about sex is that they can talk to you about it. That they can ask question and get answers, that they will get facts (not just opinions), that there is somewhere in the world that is safe to turn to for information.

This guy is going to make a wonderful husband.

And he'll look awesome in a tux.