Wednesday, December 05, 2007

I Want a Ted

He's sleek, he's handsome, he loves to be touched.

He doesn't talk much, but when he does it's important.

He doesn't get angry when you make a mistake, he's endlessly patient.

I'm in love.


Right now I'm sitting in London having arrived safely without being lost once. And it's all due to Ted. It was Joe's idea to bring him into our lives and I resisted it. But then when were faced with driving into Birmingham - a city where people who live there wander for weeks looking for the road home - I gave in. We bought him Just over a week ago. Here in England Ted would be called a tom tom, back home a GPS. Whatever you call him, he's mine ... sorry ... ours.

Ted tells us how to get from place to place. He sits on the window and tells us, pleasantly, to bear left, turn right, enter roundabout ... he's ... he's miraculous. We haven't been lost once, not once since Ted took over the directions. I don't know how he works, how he finds his way, but I'm glad he does.

I've decided to ask God for a Tom Tom for Christmas. I want a Ted for my life. "In two point two seconds say 'Yes'" would be helpful advice when I'm faced with a decision. "Enter room and turn right," would be most appreciated when I'm avoiding someone. "Slow down and think before proceeding ahead," I'm guessing I'd hear that a lot.

They never told us how hard adulthood would be when we were all young and rushing towards a future we thought would offer freedom, and control, and self fullfillment. Now I understand why the elderly smile at the young - at first I thought it was nostalgic. Now I understand it was 'knowing' - a 'just wait, just you wait, you rash brat, until life smacks you full in the face' smile. I give that smile myself now to the young and impetuous.

I thought that as I got older, I'd get wiser. Maybe I did, maybe not, but for sure the questions are more difficult. There are too many sides. My vision burrs and black becomes white and back again.

So I want a Ted for my life.

Clear simple directions.

"Stand fast."

"Give way."

"Pray fervently."

"Just laugh."

"Watch your back."

Those kinds of pearls of wisdom dropped into my day at opportune times.


Oh, Please


Anonymous said...

Cou;ld you order an extra one for me?

wendy said...

Think what a better place the world would be if we all had one! I think it might be good to order up a few for the world's leaders, at the very least. I would add "Just breathe" to the gems of wisdom it could dispense!

Anonymous said...

I have a 'Sophie.' I'm sure she is Ted's sister.

Ashley's Mom said...

I have a Mikey. He is a London cabbie voice on my GPS, and gets me to my every destination with nary a problem. I think Tom Tom (or Ted or Sophie or Mikey) would be a wonderful Christmas gift - especially for people who have problems asking for directions (all the men in my life!)

deb said...

I have "Susie"-could it be she is a cousin to Ted, Mikey, Tom Tom and Sophie? "Susie" came with my current car, and I was quite certain I would never use her. After just a few weeks, I ceremoniously gave her a name, and gratefully depend on her daily.

And I do so wish I had a Susie to help guide me through the rest of my life!


Kei said...

I love my nav system in my car. It has helped me with my anxieties over getting lost, and have overcome some of my agoraphobic tendencies.

I'm sure if I had a Ted for the my day to day life I probably wouldn't have had all the great adventures, mishaps, joys and sorrows that have shaped who I am.

I sure hope you get your Tom-Tom for Christmas. :)

Lola said...

I have a john, he is very funny and sometimes tells me jokes like bear left....beaver right!!!

I did however have to have a talk to him when I was in London as he got a bit confused. I ended up going the werong way and I am sure his tone turned a little impatient the third time he told me to turn around where possbile.

I had a life John, I think the most common instruction he would tell me is.... not turn around when possbile but .....get back up and keep on going!!

rickismom said...

Some of us believe that we all received those "instructions. The rules that G-d suggests for running our lives. The question is, do we ;isten? Unfortunately, when it comes to "real life", we think we know how to "drive" our way better than the GPS. That's when the trouble begins.

stevethehydra said...

I'm from England, and i've never heard of a GPS/satnav being referred to as a "tom tom". "Tom tom" to me makes me think of those "talking" drums that Native Americans are/were supposed to use...

Then again, i'm really not into cars (although, due to my affinity for maps and freaky visual memory, on any car journey i do end up on, i always end up being navigator...)

Unknown said...

... but does Ted make tea?

andrea, leaping to the essentials

Anonymous said...

I would be selfish and arrogant and demand too much from Ted...

That he give me life direction...

and bake cookies...

Which, I know is too much to ask