While there are a lot of downsides to living a virtual life, confining one's face and one's passion into a computer screen, there are upsides too. About three months ago I met someone on Facebook and we've been chatting ever since. I'm not sure how he found me or why he messaged me but he did. I get a lot of unsolicited messages on Facebook and can't keep with the volume, but this one caught me, "IS IT OKAY FOR ME TO BE ANGRY AT SOMEONE?" That was it, I was intrigued. I checked the profile and saw that he was a man with Down Syndrome from the coast of British Columbia.
I responded, "Yes it's okay to feel all your feelings, including anger. Can I ask what made you feel angry?"
"YOU WON'T GET MAD WILL YOU? PEOPLE GET ANGRY WITH ME FOR FEELING ANGRY."
Okay then, let's slow this down a bit. "No, I won't get angry at you for feeling anger, I may be concerned what you do with your anger, but I won't be mad. Oh, and can you write me back without all caps? It's like you are shouting."
"I never hit people, even when I'm angry."
"Good on you, so are you going to tell me what made you angry?"
I don't hear back from him for several days. I thought that I had stuck my nose in and scared him off. I figured if I hadn't heard in a week, I'd write and apologize. He has a right to anger, sure, but he also has the right to privacy.
"Just as the week was ending he wrote back. "I don't like what they do with their eyes."
"Are you talking about being stared at?"
"YES."
He then described to me a life of difference and how that difference was like a magnet pulling attention to him. He said when he goes grocery shopping people stare, ALL THE TIME, ALL THE TIME, ALL THE TIME.
And that makes him angry. He also told me that his staff doesn't like it when he wants to talk about it and they tell him to just ignore it. "I just can't," he said.
"Last time a group of teenagers stared at me, I got angry. I told them that they were rude and should be ashamed of themselves. Then I stood there and stared at them. They tried to make me stop but I didn't. They just left."
"I got punished for not being appropriate in the community, but I don't care, THEY weren't being appropriate."
Then after a second. "Are you mad at me?"
"No," I wrote back, "I'm really proud of you."
"I am to." he said and then for emphasis, "I AM TOO."
Really glad to see your posts again! Always a worthwhile read, thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteHis response was perfect - explain, and then demonstrate.
ReplyDeleteAnd so was yours. I'm proud of him, too, and glad to hear about it.
His staff need some work.
Wow, what a story. Good for the young man for standing up for himself. Sounds to me like he was very appropriate, a lot of people in his situation would have really lashed out. Perhaps some coaching on empathy would be in order for the staff, walk a day in his shoes.
ReplyDeleteDawn
OMG! I love seeing this as your blog today! I just started as the lead DSP at a group home with five ladies who deal with intellectual disabilities and Open Futures Learning is part of my training here. I came across your lessons there and it’s SOOOO obvious we think alike about people with intellectual (and developmental) disabilities! I worked in the public school system here in Oregon for about 17 years, with mainly middle and high school students who dealt with various IDs and DDs. My middle son, who will be 30 next month, was identified as having Aspbergers Syndrome in 8th grade and since has been identified with mental illness. I could have told them this long ago, but had to threaten to sue the school district to get them to pay for his schooling! But that’s the way it is in America! The company I work for is right in line with your (and my) thinking about this population and I adore my new job! Thank you for being a voice of reason in a judge mental world! Keep it up! The world needs your genius!
ReplyDeleteI would be so honored if you contacted me! Thank you!
Patty
OMG! I love seeing this as your blog today! I just started as the lead DSP at a group home with five ladies who deal with intellectual disabilities and Open Futures Learning is part of my training here. I came across your lessons there and it’s SOOOO obvious we think alike about people with intellectual (and developmental) disabilities! I worked in the public school system here in Oregon for about 17 years, with mainly middle and high school students who dealt with various IDs and DDs. My middle son, who will be 30 next month, was identified as having Aspbergers Syndrome in 8th grade and since has been identified with mental illness. I could have told them this long ago, but had to threaten to sue the school district to get them to pay for his schooling! But that’s the way it is in America! The company I work for is right in line with your (and my) thinking about this population and I adore my new job! Thank you for being a voice of reason in a judge mental world! Keep it up! The world needs your genius!
ReplyDeleteI would be so honored if you contacted me! Thank you!
Patty