The plane landed and I looked at Joe and said, "Here goes!" I was excited by the prospect of taking on Heathrow, I had done laps, I had lifted weights, I had visualized the push. I was met on board by two men offering to get me off the plane, through customs and on to luggage. It was ironic that the first time I decided to do it on my one was also the first time that the wheelchair assistants were at the plane on arrival. I said that I thought I could do it on my own. They told me it was a long way, I said that I thought I was up to it. They stayed with me for a bit and then, shaking their heads, left.
OK, made it to the customs hall. Got a bit of a break because, though it was a long way, there were lots of downhills. Once through customs and through luggage, we were heading over to the rental car area. This was a really long push and I was working hard, I slowed to go through a door and suddenly my head jerked back. I was so shocked that I didn't know what happened. A guy was behind me, not an airport pusher but just a random guy, he declared, loudly, that he would help me. I grabbed my tires and screamed, "NO!" He used real force to push me and I told him to leave me alone.
He left angry. His help spurned and my guts were churning with anger and stress and violation. I continued on, Joe catching up just after this had happened. He just said quietly that he'd seen what had happened.
I got to the bus for the rental car.
I got to the car, a long push from the desk.
I got to the hotel room, through plush carpet.
And you know what?
I feel defeated.
Two feet, two fucking feet. He pushed me two fucking feet and took away my victory. How dare he do that to me? He grabbed me. He assaulted me. He inflicted himself on me.
And he took my victory.
Two fucking feet. I pushed it all, except two damn feet.
You may think me weak or over emotional.
But I'm crying as I write this.
(((hugs))) Dave
ReplyDelete~purpletta
Dave, two feet. Congratulations. So awesome for you!
ReplyDeleteDon't dwell on those 2 feet. What an accomplishment. What a celebration.
I agree with everything you said about this random pusher, however he didn't know. He thought in his mind he was doing a great deed. He was going to save you.
If you have never taught me anything at all, remember celebrate the awesome!! You did it!! 2 feet? What 2 feet?
I am positive that all your hard work made you successful. I am also positive that that gentleman doesn't have a clue. Maybe just maybe instead of going home and thinking your an ass for not letting him help. Maybe think he went home and thought why didn't he want my help, and will remember you the next time. It could be an ahaha moment for that gentleman.
Your awesome great job! How fantastic. You rock. Be proud of what you did do not what you didn't. Good job friend!
Crying is good for the soul, you know it is OK, you have a long road ahead of you and I know you are not a baby, you made it Dave, two feet can be the title of the song of your newest musical, I am just grateful you are safe and with Joe. Hug each other and give each other a gentle kiss Twice, one for each foot! Sent with love and admiration for one heck of a great guy.
ReplyDeletePeople who demonstrate anger when their "help" is rejected, or who try to physically force their assistance on others, show that "helping" isn't always about actually helping, sometimes it's about wanting to be perceived by others as helpful, or about wanting to believe themselves to be helpful.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely understand feeling violated by this jerk and don't see you as "weak" or "over emotional".
I am sorry that a jerk took away your pleasure in a very real accomplishment. Just walking that distance at Heathrow is exhausting - my hat is off to you for going that distance.
ReplyDeleteHUGS. The violation part is horrendous. But please, feel the pride you deserve for the rest of your effort. Losing that feeling of deserved pride empowers these a-holes way too much.
ReplyDeleteno words.....(((hugs)))
ReplyDeleteclairesmum
Oh Dave, what a horrible, horrible thing to happen. I am absolutely devastated for you.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs....
I'm so sorry. I don't understand the selfishness of people who do this. It really seems delusional.
ReplyDeleteI'm really sorry that happened to you.
ReplyDeleteIf there is a next time (there probably will be), deliberately turn around, go back, and do the 'pushed' bit by yourself.
ReplyDeleteThen stick your tongue out at the violator.
What you are mourning is partly not having complete control of yourself and your wheels for the entire journey. And an apology from the ass was required - which you didn't get. So sorry about that part.
I know what you're saying. I know how much you wanted to do it all by yourself - because you told us. I'm not trivializing the loss, believe me - I do things like that myself.
But in our eyes, you rock - and did it, or were perfectly capable of doing it, every speck of it, because of all your hard work. Illegitimi non carborundum.
Thanks for sharing, and I know that big brain of yours is preparing a solution for next time - and will be trying it out and reporting back to us.
Don't let that ruin it for you. He probably meant well and two feet is bugger all.
ReplyDeleteMy dear old Mother used to tell me, "If you want to help somebody, make sure that what you do actually helps."
ReplyDeleteClearly, everyone hasn't had a Mother like mine.
But this is something that every adult should know - Helping is about the other person. If helping is all about you, it isn't helping - it's self aggrandisement.
Seriously how hard is it to ask if someone needs help before freaking grabbing them?!
ReplyDeleteThat's left a real
ReplyDeleteDisappointment and you just need to feel that because nothing anyone can say will take that away. Really sad for you.
I am appalled that someone would think it was ok to just grab you and push you...even more so because we know damn well that, had you not been in a wheelchair,had you been walking, he wouldn't have dreamed of simply dragging you along. Good grief! I'm so sorry you had this experience...no one should be touched without permission and I don't think you're wrong in feeling violated.
ReplyDeleteI have witnessed and seen so many of these assaults. The sooner it is recognised for what it is - assault and personal violation - the better. It needs to be defined in law.
ReplyDeletePeople need to understand the real danger and physical damage done to the victims of such assaults.