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| Image description: A yellow ball with the words 'over easy' the over is written upside down and placed atop the word easy. |
On Friday, my mind was full of concerns and questions and worries. Joe and I were driving off to the hotel where we would stay the night before the Saturday presentation to parents. We didn't chat much, which is unusual for us, we rode quietly together. I had told Joe that I was tired, and, at the time, thought that I was telling the truth, I was, indeed tired. But the real truth for my silence is that my mind was fiddling with worries and toying with questions and attempting to find ways through concerns. I may have looked like a man relaxed into a car seat going for a ride, but I wasn't. I was highly active.
When we turned the corner and first saw the hotel, I also noticed a small outlet store about a block away. Joe pulled in to place and said that he'd get my wheelchair out, I asked him if he could just take the luggage to the room and then we'd go back to the outlet store. Joe isn't a shopper, it's not something he enjoys like I do, I could see that he was tired and he didn't want to go but he sighed, he won't admit to that, and said that he'd be back as quick as he could.
Next we parked at the outlet store and laughed at the accessible entrance. They had everything they should have; a cut curb, wide doors, an electronic opener, but they were all in the wrong places. It would be impossible for someone, even in a power chair, to easily make it in, but between the two of us we got in the mall. I started shopping immediately. Joe wandered along with me, and like many husbands, would often sit on a bench in the mall while I was in a store looking at stuff.
We were there just shy of an hour, I picked up a couple of things, got Joe and new shirt for a big event on Tuesday, and we made our way back into the car, over to the hotel and into the room. Once there, I thanked Joe for the trip, and then, I told him that I just needed to be distracted from what was going on in my head. I explained a bit and as I did Joe got this strange look on his face.
He said, "If you ever need to go do something just to distract yourself from stuff like this, just tell me. I didn't want to go and I know that I let you know that I didn't want to go, but that's because I didn't know it was what you needed. Next time, just tell me."
I agreed.
It is so easy to just stop talking, stop communicating, isn't it? It's so easy to have resentment build where it need not even lay a brick. It's just so easy, years into a relationship, to assume that someone knows what you need.
It is so easy to just stop talking.
It is so easy to just stop communicating.
It is so easy to just assume your needs are understood.
I realized if I don't get over easy, life could become really hard.
Lack of communication...I believe it is the basis for all problems whether in relationships at home and work, or in the world (between countries. It really comes to head in partnerships/marriage. We often assume that the love we have is so strong, that we are so on the same page, that we don't need to use our words. Wrong. I remember some good advice, marriage doesn't make you mind-readers. Heard a great story that helps me to remember to say what I need.
ReplyDeleteA couple was driving to a destination on the highway. As the miles and time passes, the wife started to feel hungry. Finally, hoping to spark some action, the wife asked: "Are you hungry?" To which her husband replied: "Nope." As exit after exit passed by her anger grew and small talk stopped. She was fuming. She was hurt. How could he be so insensitive? Meanwhile the husband drove on, almost smiling. He was reveling in the silence. How wonderful it was to be so in tune with someone that no words were needed. He had the best wife.
Makes me laugh each time I think of it, but the truth of the fun tale is sobering. The wife didn't say what she really wanted, to stop and eat. Instead she projected her want to her husband and then resented him when he didn't meet it. Meanwhile, the husband is completely fine, happy in fact, thinking all is well.
Communication. Cornerstone.